Out of my mind

A Poem by simplya

Can anyone hear me?
I'm screaming.
Why isn't anyone responding?
Inside I'm numb, on the outside
I feel everything.
The way it burns.
The way it feels.
The way it controls me.
It's sharpness alerts me,
the smoothness awakens me.
Its power over-whelming.
It's real.
I feel it glide across my arm and it catches my breath.
I can't exhale
because the pain is surreal.
I'm not sure if it's relief
that I'm feeling or if I'm feeling a thing at all.
The sting urges me to breathe
and I open my eyes.
Blood splatters on my lap.
I catch my breath.
It's always different.
Each time it hurts differently.
Each time I bleed differently.
Usually I'm okay with this.
Today, I'm out of control with this.
Blinking away tears, I take in a deeper breath.
Insane; the fuel air gives me.
Insane; how much cutting I can take.
Memories flood my mind
as dashes appear on my arm.
Final slash, i drop the pace
and cry out in despair.
Never again will this happen because I'm rid of him.
So Why?
If he's gone, why do i survive this kind of way?
I smother my arm with all it's marks and wish his
face away.
© AIDA MERDANOVIC, 2014