The Sea of Time

A Poem by simeon26

Not really a poem, more of a writing piece for what I'm feeling right now.

I’ve often said how tired I was. A whole day of sitting infront of my computer, the amount of ‘work’ I do, the time spent putting meaning into those hours.

Eight months have passed and my life continues where it started, if you could call it a life. My computer shows the number of movies I’ve been watching, the TV shows, the anime. My sketch books show the sketches I’ve been drawing, the fridge shows the different cakes and pastries I baked everyday. You might even envy the life I lead, where time is in abundance and you are left alone to do the things you might never have time for.

Each day in which I wake, the afternoon sun greets me instead. I roam the house in my pajamas, wondering what should I do today, how else can I waste my day away. I keep myself hidden, in the walls of my house, my room, my heart. The hours wash over me and I allow myself to be swept with it. Drifting in the sea of time as it brings me forward. Yet I have not changed, my circumstances have not changed. I remain utterly alone. Standing at the very same spot I had arrived in, forever looking back towards all that I have left behind. It’s for my future, I thought. There is no future staying behind. Life is better here, you have to think further ahead. The words I used to comfort myself. The reality of the future. I would one day, find a life of my own. Here in this new place, I would find my place.

But at present, it seems I am floating along the still waters of time. I should start swimming, I should start searching, start living. Yet the storms have not stopped, or are they mini currents, washing over me and filling my lungs. I choke as water fill my lungs, or was it emptiness? Can emptiness choke when it is what it is, emptiness.

I see a sea of nothing. The dark blue fills my vision. I have lost myself. I see the parts of me floating away, melting into the sea. The surface is covered with a thick glass of ice. Winter has come. I see the pictures of people I’ve left behind. I try to find myself but of course, I’m not there. I watched as these people skate past, towards whatever life is offering. I press my palms against the impenetrable ice, watching from beneath.

Someone swims past, then another. Everyone is swimming towards wherever life is leading them. I remain where I am, unable to swim, just floating. My limbs floating in the water, pulled by the current, I no longer feel a heartbeat.

Where am I? Who am I? For what reason, am I made to be here?