Memory Lane

Keira and Erik take a walk down memory lane, thinking of all the times they spent as best friend's, confessing and talking for the last time they may ever get.

        Stars twinkled high above our heads in a way that I'd never really seen before. Of course I had done tons of stargazing, especially having lived in Colorado my whole life where the skies were clearer than anything. I'd done it with two boyfriends in the past and once I'd even taken up the art of it and could point out every single zodiac symbol in the sky when the time came around. But this time it felt like all the stars were going to collapse on us, like they were twinkling especially bright on this night. I heaved a sigh, and I kind of felt a jump next to me as it had been the only noise made in the past thirty minutes.

 

        "Why couldn't it have always been like this?" I wondered out loud, quiet but loud enough for Erik to hear next to me. I don't turn to look at him but I can hear him turn to stare at the side of my face. I close my eyes, shaking my head slowly.

 

        Even though the question was rhetorical, he came up with an answer anyway. "What do you mean? Wasn't it?" he asked. I hated the past tense we had to use in our words. It made me feel sick and like breaking out into tears. But I couldn't let him see me cry. I'm better than that.  

 

       Now I do turn to look at him, studying his blonde hair sweeping above his eyes and looking right at those blonde, polish eyes. He was my exact opposite. He was strong, tall and light colored, I was short, weak and had dark brown hair and brown eyes. I kind of cocked my head in confusion, wondering what he meant. "Maybe it was but nothing has ever felt so perfect like this before. I just feel like I've taken the past ten years of my life for granted, like I never really took the time for the moments like these. And I wish I had."

 

        Erik lets out a smile at this, completely contradicting the hurt and sadness I felt inside of me. I admired the way he could do that. Smile when everything is going so completely wrong, like there was nothing to worry about in the world even when he had every reason in the world to just cry out and scream. "I'm thinking you're just looking past all those things, Keira. All those things that meant everything but maybe you don't think about them every day."

 

        I let out a little sigh. "Like what?"

 

        Erik smiles wider and brushes a hair behind my ear, then whispers, "Everything." He looks back up at the stars and I continue to stare with a puzzled expression.

 

        "Remember that night that we went out to the woods because my brother told me there was a ghost there at night? You were freaked out completely, so convinced that when the ghost came it was coming straight for you, but to calm you down I told you I'd protect you. Then we started hearing noises in the bushes and we both started running, and then you disappeared. I really thought you had died. I mean we were what, ten? And then you and my brother teamed up on me and it turned out you were on his side the whole time, getting back at me for that time that I told that kid you liked about your crush, and my brother just to be a brother. You didn't let me live down the fear for days."

 

        I laugh at this and shake my head. "Yeah but because of it you told your brother that I liked him," I shake my head. "And as bad as it could have been, your brother liked me too, so we went out for like, what, two days? And you got so mad."

 

        "Well yeah," he chuckles. "You came to my house to hang out with my brother and not me, and that wasn't something I was used to."

 

        I smile to myself and make up my own constellations in my head. "You know, I kind of miss those days when you and I would just play video games all day. Back in the day when the 64 was the big Nintendo system and we played Mario Kart and Mario Party for hours. You know, back when we went on adventures with our bikes every day and went sledding and crashed like retards every winter. I miss all that. I think you and I grew up too fast," I comment.

 

        "My favorite part was when I moved into my new house and we had all those huge boxes from the cupboards. You and I moved them down to the basement and then we made a long tunnel and a few rooms and such with all of them and it was the coolest hut ever. You know, until we were forced to throw the boxes away."

 

        I laughed, nodding my head, recalling the "pizza roll eating room" and the room we dragged our bean bags into. It was like a dark miniature house, and then we made up a bunch of dumb spy games or something like that for it.

 

        "We just had to get older, didn't we?" I ask with a grin. "Somehow going to the movies and bowling and all of that suddenly became more exciting. But you know what, I hardly remember all of that stuff."

 

 

        Erik shifts and sits up. I follow as he does and I notice him looking down at the blanket, just staring at nothing. His expression is suddenly blank and I put a hand over on his shoulder closest to me. "Hey, you okay?" I ask, changing my tone of voice to be softer. Leaning his cheek on his knees, he turns to look at me.

 

        "I remember parts," he sighs, and it takes me a moment to realize he was ignoring my question and continuing with our old conversation. "Like the first birthday party we got invited to that they played spin the bottle and how we both got our first kiss on the same night- me with the girl I had a huge crush on and you-" he grins, already starting to laugh before he can even say the name. I nudge him teasingly.

 

        "And we agreed to never speak of that again, but hey, I guess it doesn't matter anymore," I snicker. The boy was obsessed with me and stuck his tongue in my mouth for it, but I had absolutely no interest in him, plus he was like, six inches shorter than me. It made for an awkward night the rest of our night.

 

        "And then you got your first middle school boyfriend and we got in our first real fight," he continues. "When you told me that he was more important to you than spending time with me I got really jealous and told you I didn't need a friend like you anyway."

 

        "But-" I interject. "When he broke up with me and I came crying to you, you were there even though you swore you wouldn't be for when it happened. You welcomed me and let me cry for an hour and I swore I'd never let anything like that happen again."

 

        "And you didn't," Erik smiles. "I'm glad because of that. I'm kind of selfish in the way that I needed to hog all of your attention."

 

        "I never admitted it to you, but I really loved having you as a brother. I never had any of my own for real and it was nice to have someone to chase down all the dumb boys that broke my heart and to intimidate all the annoying ones. Half the girls were only nice to me because they had a big crush on you, you know," I laugh.

 

        "Oh trust me, I know," he nods. Erik lays back down and then pats his chest, offering me a spot to lay my head. I gladly received it and it felt nice to lay against his warm body and to feel his steady heartbeat.

 

        "Erik," I breathe out slowly, wondering even within myself if I will be able to get the words out. "I'm really going to miss you."

 

 

        "Kee, you promised," Erik says with a hint of whine etched in his voice.

 

        "I know I promised I wouldn't say that but... but you're about to move to the other side of the world and I'm just supposed to prentend like it's nothing. But it's everything to me, Erik, and yes I know I'll move on but... but it wont be easy. I'm really, really going to miss having you there all the time."

 

        "Keira," he says in a soothing voice. "I'm going to miss you too," was all he could say. We'd promised eachother that as soon as we could we'd meet up sometime, somewhere and as often as we could but the truth was, I didn't know when that would be. His parents just got a divorce and he was turned into his mother's hands so he was goin to live with his poor grandparents in France now. He didn't even speak french. My family wasn't exactly full of money either, so I was worried that it would be years before I saw him again- at least a year until I was out of high school.

 

        I wished I had been more grateful for him during all that time. That I had appreciated more what a truly wonderful best friend he was. The kind who went homecoming dress shopping with me when all my other friends turned their backs on me, the one who took me to prom when my boyfriend dumped me the day before- and man, oh man, did that make my ex mad. But Erik did all those wonderful things for me, stayed up all night with me on school nights after my mom died and I simply couldn't sleep on some nights, the person who woke me up at four in the morning after his parents had a big fight and I'd share the queen sized bed with him so that he didn't have to go home to it.

 

        But now it was all just going to be gone. And it hurt knowing both that I never wanted it to and that tomorrow morning I was going to wake up and not have all of that right next door to me anymore. No more of the explanations on my homework, as he was the genius and I was the idiot, no more aspiring doctor there the fix my battle wounds for me when I cut myself open because I hated looking at my own blood.

 

        Why couldn't I have appreciated all of those things as they were? Why did I make them such small things in my head when they were really the biggest things of my life? Why had I been so ungrateful when I had the best friend that any person could ever ask for right in front of my face?

 

        I let loose then, starting to bawl on his chest, not being able to help it but then I could feel him shaking under me too. Confused I looked up to meet his eyes and it was clarified that he definitely had water building up inside. I'd never seen him cry before. Not when he parents split, not when he broke his leg, not when the girl he dated for a year broke up with him... never. Yet surely enough, here were tears impossible to deny right in front of my face.

 

        We were silent like that for a long while, just calming ourselves down as I listened to his heartbeat.         And I realized I was in love with him. Not like brotherly love like I'd always felt, but I understood in that moment that I was actually head over heels crazy about him.

 

        It's stupid to think that a high schooler could actually be in real love though, but for me I was more sure than any adult woman in the entire world. It was real. I was sure that nobody in the world loved him more than I did and sure that if I weren't seventeen I could marry him that very instant.

 

        "I'm in love with you," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. I told him, knowing I had nothing to lose, knowing that even if he didn't feel the same way I wouldn't be hurt because he would forever be my best friend and that was really, honestly, enough for me.

 

        "Keira, I've always been in love with you. From the first day you came over to my house and told me that you thought my hotwheels track was cooler than my brother's, I've loved you."

 

        I sniff then, cuddling closer into his chest. "I'm sorry I took so long to figure it out."

 

        "I'm sorry I had to speed up the process by moving away," he jokes. "You know Kee, I always knew you did too. I didn't tell you because I wanted to just flat out propose to you one day and make you realize it then."

 

        "I wish it could have worked out that way," I said, then had to swallow to keep from crying as I tried to picture how wonderful that would have been, to have him suddenly propose and me knowing instantly that I would have absolutely no problem with it.

 

        But here we were, being seperated from eachother and not being able to do anything about it because we're both in high school, and most people would say it wasn't real anyway.

 

        "Kee," he whispered. "How long will you wait for me?"

 

        I adjusted my head so that I could look up at him, right into his eyes that were now dry now and just wondering curiously.         "How long will it take?" I asked, feeling my heart pound in excitement.

 

        Erik shrugs and swallows. "A while."

 

        "Forever," I told him. Because suddenly it's like it didn't hurt so much that he was leaving anymore. Like if I paid this small fee then I could have him forever anyway, so what did it hurt to wait five years anymore? Sure it wouldn't be easy, and I could still write and email and all that, but it felt like to me that it had this great reward at the end of it.

 

        "Keira Johnson, then, will you meet me on June 26 in five years at this very spot, with all the people you love and people I know too, and marry me right in this very spot?"

 

        "If you promise to be waiting for me."

 

        He grins and nods. "I promise." Then, he leaned down and touched his lips to mine for the very first time ever, and for one perfect moment in all of the world we kissed and we meant it.

 

        After no more than a minute, we stood up, took the blanket, and started on the hour walk back home, where he'd get in his mom's car and leave me here alone to function without him.

 

        But as I sat on the corner of the street watching the car drive away I smiled because I had a date five years from the day that I could look forward to. And though I had a long five years ahead of me, I started trailing through all the memories of the past and it didn't hurt so much when I lingered there. Because I could do it. The stars would make sure of that, reminding me every night.

Reviews

[WriterMe]

JUNE 26! My birthday! Haha this was utterly sweet. Oh dear, I cant seem to describe your works in any other way. But it is true. Your stories are sweet. This one pulled a few strings in my heart. The ending seemed sad, but they give non-believers like me, hope in a way. brilliant work =]