Chapter Four: Killing

 4

 

Irresponsible.

 

Selfish.

 

Stupid.

 

Hated.

 

These words became the most common words placed with the name “Princess Callea of Aynah”. I heard them daily, I heard them whispered, I heard them jeered or screamed, or told straight out to me.

 

Rumor spread that I was a pacifist for this war, and it spread quickly. People wouldn’t look my way. People wouldn’t speak to me sometimes. Kaithron mocked me just as much as Aynah did.

 

Now who did I think I was to try and stop this war? Obviously I was some sort of traitor or something for wanting to stop the most ridiculous thing since the invention of pride itself. Who was I, to think that one small princess (now the most loathed princess to ever exist) could just so quickly change something that was meant to continue forever?

 

I’m hated. Absolutely and completely abhorred. Detested, despised, loathed. I’m the biggest joke that Aynah had ever known and for how they treat me I feel as if I might as well be a Kaithronese in the castle of Aynah. 

 

The first night they had known of my position the cook fed me raw meat. I did not eat it and I acted as if I was not feeling well, but nobody helped me. Nobody was on my side. Not my father, mother, or even my younger sister who has absolutely adored me since the moment she breathed. They let the maid treat me as if I were scum in a dirty pond.

 

That night no one was there to dress me. No one lit my fire and I froze half the night. When I informed Abigail in the morning she told me to stop being so lazy and to do something myself once in a while. Then she ranted on about something else.

 

I’ve found worms in my bed, fish grime splattered on my dresses, peas (which I’m allergic to) splattered in my food, my balcony had blood of a calf all over it one time.

 

Oh, I’d leave Aynah in a second, I’d go somewhere in an instant. But I’m heir to the throne, and there is nothing anyone nor I can do about it. And despite that I was hated, I was born to a priority. If I didn’t attempt to change it nobody would.

 

I understood now why Vorion- my sage brother!- had advised me to tell nobody. He knew all along, and he was protecting me. Though he knew of my thoughts, he did not despise me. The one man who would be standing by my side in such a time as this was murdered in a battle that I refuse to fight. Does this make me foolish? Dense? Heartless?

 

Perhaps all of those.

 

But I don’t care.

 

I had not been put in charge of the war, but instead my younger brother had. At first I grieved but my threats seemed to scare and intimidate enough that I had guards sworn to protect him at every instant.

 

“So how does it feel being the most despised creature in the history of Aynah?” my father asks, coming into my chamber as I fluff my pillows.

 

“How does it feel being the most heartless in history,” I retort begrudgingly. He wasn’t going to do this to me. It didn’t matter whether or not he liked it, I was inheriting this kingdom from him no matter. And if they tried to dethrone me (one of his frequent threats) then so be it. I don’t care.

 

“Fantastic, glad you’d ask,” he replies. “Callea, I wish you wouldn’t hurt me so as I come upon my later years. I’ll go to my grave with the knowledge of my daughter destroying the kingdom. My daughter who could never possess an heir.”

 

“Oh, would any heir I possess be evil too, so clearly it can not be born? The heaven’s forbid that, of course.”

 

“No, who would marry you? I’ll be lucky to ever see a grandchild of mine at this point, evil or not.”

 

“Maybe I don’t wish to marry then,” I reply. “I would hate to please you.”

 

“Good. Because it’s likely you wont. None will want to wed you.”

 

These were how our arguments went often. He’d critique everything in me that he could possibly come up with at least every other day, more or less.

 

“Then so be it, I don’t want to wed them either.”

 

My father sighs then squeezes the area between his eyes. “Why do you insist on being so stubborn?”

 

“I’m not father,” I tell him, finishing fluffing up my pillows. “I’m very agreeable actually. Just telling you you’re correct, is all. I’ll remember not to do so if it bothers you so much though.”

 

As I’m exiting my room I can hear from behind me, “Your brother would be so disappointed.”

 

How dare he say anything about Vorion! He didn’t know half as much as I did about him, nor was he ever around him enough to know what he thought about me. I loved Vorion more than he ever could and I knew for a fact that Vorion, whether he disagreed with me or not, would not be disappointed in me. Anything but that.

 

I tossed in bed that night. I turned. I tried to make myself unconscious and unaware of my surroundings but I couldn’t stop getting this creeping feeling going up my spine. Like I was being watched. Haunted.

 

I sit up and look out my window. Nothing is there, just the dark balcony. I shudder once looking around the room.

 

After watching for a few moments I come to understand that surely I’m overreacting. I shake it off then make myself comfortable in my bed again.

 

The feeling returned. I couldn’t sleep.

 

This time I stand up out of my bed and I walk over to the doors leading out to my balcony and I stare out for a moment. Nothing. As far as I could tell I was just feeling odd for no reason in particular. But it was almost as if his ghost we’re coming to me to warn me of something. That’s what it felt like. And I didn’t know who or what was the danger but I wasn’t feeling safe. Not one bit.

 

A knock sounds on my door and I jump, squealing. “Princess! Princess wake up! It’s not safe to be here!”

 

“Abigail?” I squeak, and even I could hear the quiver in my voice.

 

Suddenly a noise comes barging into my room from my door. I impulsively scream. It grabs my arm, dragging me back out through the door.

 

“Princess, hush!” when I heard Abigail’s voice my voice caught in my throat. I gulped. What was going on? “We have to get you out of here- fast.”

 

“What’s going on?” I inquired.

 

“No time to explain until we’re safe,” she hushes me, shaking her head. Why wasn’t I safe? Where were my guards, and my parents? My brother and sister?

 

I didn’t get much time to think before I found myself in the dungeon. What was going on? Abigail lets go of me and orders me to stay put. After looking around I watch as she opens a wall right before my eyes. How long had that been there?

 

“Princess, in,” she snaps silently. I do as she says, and as she follows me in she puts the wall back. But once again she were hustling me along, as if we still weren’t safe. I’m sure nobody knows about that if I didn’t, though. After a while, with the torch on the hand not holding onto me, she lights another along the wall and beckons me to sit down on the dirt bench. I obey.

 

I knew better that to ask her when she was in a state like this, especially when she had recently decided she hated me, so I kept silent, waiting. She pressed two fingers to her temples and massaged them, closing her eyes.

 

Once she wouldn’t tell me though, I couldn’t help but blurt it. “Abi-”

 

“Three Kaithronese men crossed the wall and we’re heading to kill you. The town was searching and found two but one of them are missing.”

 

“Mother-”

 

“They’re safe. One of your guards were killed not long before I awoke you and another one ran off for help. The third is trying to find the third man still, and your father’s advisor lead your sister and parents to another hideout that leads to here. They’ll be here any moment.

 

I felt sick to my stomach. A man had died protecting me tonight. Protecting the one who’s against death more than anyone else. My peacemaking is only causing more death. I felt vomit rising in my throat.

 

“Who?” I ask, referring to which guard has spared his life for me- someone that surely he didn’t want to protect- today. Not unless it was Louis, the boy that had been sent here when I was twelve, and he was eighteen. I didn’t see a lot of him ever since his mother died, but every once in a while he’d be around and I’d hear a word or two from him. He wasn’t originally from Aynah so he was not completely disgusted in me, but his accent was poor so he could be difficult to speak to. Please don’t say it’s Louis, I pleaded to myself.

 

“Otto.” I sighed, slightly relieved but still feeling ill. Otto had in fact hated me, having been Aynahn all his life and I couldn’t help but think how miserable he felt to die for his enemy, by his enemy.

 

“He died for me,” I gulped.

 

“Yes.”

 

I turn to Abigail, water filling up my eyes. “Abigail I don’t want you to be harmed for my sake, if it comes to that because I never meant to cause so much… I just want you to do things for yourself, I don’t want to feel responsible-”

 

“Milady bite your tongue. Otto did not die in vain, princess, and it is in no way your fault. He died serving his future queen.”

 

“But he hates his future queen-”

 

“You’re wrong,” she says shaking her head. “Princess, we may not agree with what you’re doing right now and may be appearing as if we’re shunning you but in the end we will all still stand by your side no matter what. We might hate you. But we will serve you, and that is because we know you.”

 

I didn’t understand a word of what she was saying. It was a jumble of mumbles to me that couldn’t possibly make any sense. She hates me. The whole kingdom hates me. Then why would they serve me? Why wouldn’t they dethrone me? What does she mean that they know me?

 

I heard my father’s whispers coming near so I don’t question any further.

 

“Callea,” he glowers as soon as he sees me. “This is your fault, you know! If you weren’t so stubborn-”

 

“Harold!” my mother quietly reprimands. 

 

“Would you rather me go confront the man myself? Would you feel better about it if I sent myself to my grave?”

 

My father hushes himself at this. “You can’t blame Callea for this, you know that Harold. A Kaithronese could attack the castle at any moment, she is the new official heir to the throne now is she not?”

 

Not only was he considering this, I was considering it myself. “True. But that does not mean she did not provoke more by her actions.”

 

“Fine, father,” I say, having enough of it. It wasn’t even so much of my father as it was that I was still feeling sick and wretched from what it appeared I really had done. I felt like I was making the world worse. I was making everything worse. And for that moment, I had a completely different train of thought. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

 

And I started heading out the way I came in. Abigail tried stopping me but I wouldn’t have any of it. A man had died in my behalf tonight. Despite what anyone said, it was my fault.

 

“Princess don’t go out there, you’ll be killed! There’s so much left here, don’t give yourself away, your father didn’t-”

 

“Then why isn’t my father stopping me, hmm? And what side will my brother be waiting on?”

 

I was shoving my way out of there already. “Don’t do this, your highness.”

 

I ignored her. It wasn’t that I wanted to kill myself. But I wouldn’t let anyone die for my sake. Not anymore. I couldn’t feel that guilt anymore.

 

“Keep my sister safe,” I tell her, and since she was holding the wall, I just started to run up the stairs. Out through some halls, all alone, out of the castle where I could smell the fresh spring air. Out through the city I went, and I wasn’t sure where I was going until I was halfway to Kaithron. Either the killer would find me or I’d find him.