"Menopause.. Shmenopause!"

I was just diagnosed last week. That LITTLE ugly word Menopause.. Well, lets all have a good laugh, shall we? .. I know I am.

M  Ood swings, anxiety, let's play what made me cry today?  The lines in my palms!? ..

E   Very woman's nightmare!  MEN O PAUSE.  The irony!

N   O, No, this can't be right Doctor!  I am much too young..  aren't I ???

O   H.. my.. GOD..  ovaries not producing enough estrogen.  Need.. more.. estrogen!

P   Lease for the love of everything that is holy, would someone turn the air down to 50?! ..  

A   Nother hot flash..  yet another!   Weeeeeeeeeeee, I have my own personal sauna!

U   hhhhhhhhhhh..  I am going through what?!  I thought that happened in your 60's!? ..

S   Cowling as the Doctor delivers this good news!  Singing "The Sound Of Music" as I'm leaving!

E   Quivalent to the day I had all four wisdom teeth surgically removed!  I will embrace this.. eventually.  I mean really, what choice do I have!?..    Dear Lord!  Would someone, anyone, please turn the air down to 40?!  I'm on fire over here!!! ...............................    

 

  Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE     

PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGH- OUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

Reviews

[Michael X]

Absolutely humorous and capturing way to look at menapause, as well as making the
masses understand just what it means, the creativeness behind the wording is awsome,
honestly your talent never ceases to amaze me, this is spot on Val.

[L.G. Knight]

LMAO this is fantastic...someone should get my mother to see a doctor because if she gets the ac much lower then she is going to wake up one morning and her entire family will be popsicles....

Anyway very cute!

~Frances~

Wow.

That would make every man understand what it feels like being in the shoes of someone who has menopause.

I like the format, it emphasizes the message.

This is a very insightful read.

[Luqman Qadi]

OH YEAh? I guess thats why I'm still in exile...hell I am like that light bulb, and that dam air conditioning is still on! How long is my waite? Smile...Good/informative

Luqman

[Steffi]

haha this was very humerous! I was laughing out loud in the part when you said the line:
"O H.. my.. GOD.. ovaries not producing enough estrogen. Need.. more.. estrogen!"

[Tator Of Suburbia]

wow... what a statement! very humerous... although, i fear it may be too humerous to be taken seriously... but then again what woman doesn't take menopause seriously. thank you for submitting this in my ranting contest!

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

Almost positive that I have read and reviewed this before... you submitted this to my contest Poetic Shorties,and while I love it, I can't accept it for the contest because it is over 100 words. Still, it made me laugh, well written and thanks for sharing