Leaving Tbilisi For The Last Time

When the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving...

The big, ancient train hisses and grumbles,

grinds and shudders into action.

I'm leaving this land now with a heavy heart,

a heart full of magic stories,

lightness of being,

tripping on clouds,

singing in sunrays -

to entrenchment in dark holes

mouth full of clay

muffled inward screams

of sadness, of death,

of disappointment.

Shaking uncontrollably in a dark room.

My heart knew these stories Tbilisi,

and felt every inch of their extent.

This land I could have made my home.

I heard its beckoning,

but it was nothing more than a siren's wail,

dashing my hopes on her rocks -

laughing childishly as I drowned in her eyes,

my helpless soul sinking to the bottom.

I was wrong Tbilisi, so wrong.

But still I stayed,

hoping in vain hope that you would play with me again -

even knowing that it would mean everything to me

and nothing to you -

having no choice but allow the cruel game to continue,

knowing that I would always be the loser.

I thought my heart was so full, so strong,

burning with a thousand suns

that I could warm this cold, hostile land

and fill its empty reaches -

but my acts were isolated and solitary,

burning myself from within.

So today I am leaving.

Defeated.

There's no other way to say it.

The train pulls hard now,

piercing the membrane,

breaking your borders

never to return.

Goodbye, sweet Tbilisi,

you will always have a piece of my heart,

and I will always have a piece of your pain.

Reviews

[ANTO]

I felt this writing. Each stanza aches with a regret - no regrets too strong a word - with knowing that you did your best but it wasnt enough. Thats not regret.
Beautiful but heartwrenching phrasings throughout

This - almost an anti-metamorphosis from a butterfly into a grub
"I'm leaving this land now with a heavy heart,
a heart so full of magic stories,
lightness of being,
tripping on clouds,
singing in your sunrays -
to entrenchment in dark holes
mouth full of clay
muffled inward screams
of sadness, of death,
of disappointment.
Shaking uncontrollably in a dark room."

[C.R.Turner]

Thank you. This one took a couple of years to come out - like a deep splinter! :)

[ANTO]

Im sure it did - its heavy mate !!