Factory Chaos

Diligently she works,

black bombs in her eyes.

A conveyor belt

whirs past

offering parts

of different shapes and sizes.

Black rubber smell,

air thick with grime,

the constant grind,

squeak of wheels,

vaguely aware of

her co-workers

moving in the distance,

ever moving.

Each new part arrives with a dumb question.

She solves it effortlessly,

instinctively,

hands flutterng over the work piece

like ivory butterflies

feeding on steel.

She doesn't notice the dolphin at first.

But becomes aware of the change

the unfamiliar sound,

the shift in the room.

she looks up.

The dolphin is lying limp on the belt,

asleep.

Important men are shouting now,

pressing buttons,

pointing,

moving things around.

She makes eye contact

with the creature.

Black bombs in its eyes.

Then she watches it fade away.

The dolphin disappears.

Dematerialises.

Just because it can.

The drama is over now.

The crisis quenched.

She goes back to work

diligently,

lightened.

She looks up at the window.

Reviews

[Ees]

Huh. This took a shocking turn in the middle that I didn't see coming in a million years!
I really loved the second line of the poem. That was amazing. And then the use of it again when she locks eyes with the dolphin!
Repetitious awful work will make one day dream I suppose, create something interesting. I have never had a job of that sort, but can only imagine.
Great work on this poem!!!

[C.R.Turner]

Me neither. The dolphin just fell out onto keyboard here. Made an awful mess! :) Thanks for the review..

[Circe]

quite an interesting and bleak picture you portray... the monotony of the task and the working conditions... the "ivory butterflies feeding on steel".. has a gothic/fantasy machination that really lifts the reader out of this ordinary world.. she sees a dolphin.. a creature symbolic of self-awareness, conscious thought, and intuition.... quite a beautiful, unexpected moment.. more provocation to wake us from the coma of the mundane..

[C.R.Turner]

Thanks Circe! I think there's still some work to do on this. I like to come back after a while and tweak it. The timing at the end could be better as another reviewer pointed out. Each poem here is on its own conveyor!! :)

[Circe]

I thought it was a good ending actually... maybe the wording can be changed.. but I like how she felt lighter... that some weight has been lifted from her.. it could say She looked "out" the window.. as if to imagine something different for herself, somewhere else she'd rather be.. it's open to interpretation.

[LA Lorena]

I may be way off base, in which case, we'd be even ;)

I see someone shaken to the core by a break in the drudgery of her existence. A brief interlude to the routine, giving her a glimpse of what freedom could be like if she chose it. (not enough to make her quit the factory job and hire on with the circus, but just enough to leave her with a taste for clowns)

[C.R.Turner]

Welcome to the base LA!

[LA Lorena]

WOOT!

[not here]

Black bombs in the eyes is a great hook, C.
And IMO, this piece of writing is pretty damn impressive, overall.
Only, the ending kind of seemed awkward to me - like you were trying too hard maybe ?? and overstated the conclusion.
I'm just a novice, and it's hard for me to offer appraisals that might be remotely constructive for somebody. But if this were my piece, I would want to go from the dolphins black bomb eyes to 'she looks out the window', or something like that.
Thanks for sharing, C.R.

[C.R.Turner]

Yeah, timing isn't the best. I'll probably dip back in a few days with my spanner and make some mods. :) Thanks for the useful input.