Oblivious Slumbering

Yeah, my mind went vampiric...

In the velvet darkness,

Of the blackest night,

A cloaked figure hunches over it’s prey.

Lust drives him. Pain divides him.

A kiss he has come to bestow,

On a slumbering lover,

A kiss like no other.

A single kiss is all he yearns for,

Just a single kiss,

Ever sweetened by blood.

It drives him. A passion. The desire.

Reviews

[Oz in Exile]

Slumber in Oblivion

In the velvet soft
Dark as eyes closed in blackness
He hunches in prayer

Cloaked in burgundy,
Despair divides this desire -
What cost in a kiss?

She sleeps before him
Unaware of the yearning
That ignites the night.

Such a simple thing
To cause such hesitation
And stir the blood so.

D.R. Edwards

Hope you don't mind. This was a reaction if you will. A rewrite in my own style - your ideas now expressed in my words. I might save it for later and put it up somewhere. Thank you so much for the inspiration.

[Kory]

The Most Badass Poem Ive Ever Read!!!!!!!! Luved these Lines- It Drives Him.A Passion. A Desire. Nice

[None]

You start this off with an incredible entrance with your first two lines...beautifully written! You set the scene well for the bloody drama ahead. Great suspense!

[Morgan Ashire]

Ugh. I accidentally deleted my other review. So, I'll leave this one in its place. Thank you. I love it. I really do. It's beautifully done. It holds special meaning to me. I love the vampyrism. It makes it even better. I love you. Thank you.

[Dark Daughters]

I loved this piece it was dark yet seductive.

[Katie A. Davis]

Chilling! Nice piece. Really drives home how one kiss could mean the difference between long lived passion and a quick death.

One note on grammar, pray is like praying to God. Prey is one whom you're seeking to attack.

pray - prey - seemed more appropriate?

I feel like watching Dracula. Good message, nice snapshot.

Good read

[Seriana]

Awesome! I love it. So simple, yet so full of emotion. I like the way you write. Good stuff!

[Mr. Lopez]

How you make something so violent and dark into something erotic and sensual only shows your talent at it's fullest. Excellent work!

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

i really like this one. another favorite for me. :D i love vampires. ive always been fasinated with the myth sence i was 4 and i am still. :D