Masked Me Sane

I have nightmares of the incident that happen almost 3 years ago, when my mother first started Beating Me. I feel as through she doesn't love me. I hate to think let alone talk about it because I feel as though im reliving it all over again. It gives me the chills.

I was at my little nephew birthday party. I got mad and stormed off. No one tried to stop me. I was so scare trying to hold back tears. I felt all eyes on me.

So many people just looked at me and I prayed nothing bad happen to me ,but deep down inside I hoped someone would just run me over and take me out my pain and misery.

I got back home and I knocked on the door for some slight chance someone might be there. Even though they were all at the party. No one was there. I sat on the porch for a few minutes. To see if anyone would come back. I got bored I walked across the street to see if my friend Taylor was home.

We talked and watched TV for a while. I just stayed and I waited for my mom to come back. I was there for a hour ,but when I checked again the car was parked and they were already in the house... I went back. I knocked on the door. My heart pounded. I wonder what would happen would they be mad or happy I came back and greet my with hugs and a sign of relief.

Just then grandma came to the door. I took in shallow breaths. she said, " We were worried and we was wondering where you were.", She in her normal tone. She went back to the sitting room and closed the door tight... I walked over to the couch farther from the front door. I laid down ,but i couldn't help but think about what all happen in these few hours.

I was mad no one came to get me and just let me walk off. Suddenly I heard my mama run down the stair as though she was flash the comic book character. She looked over to the left were I was at. You could tell she was pissed and stomp to me. I sat up and I was scarce to see what she might do.

Then she put both hands around my throat and said, "YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO RUN OFF!" I couldn't breathe. Tears ran down my cheeks and onto her hands. She shook me while she was still choking me and said ,"HUH?" I softly almost to a whisper said, " I can't breathe." She loosen Her grip.

This is the part where I always wake up and realize its over now. Sometimes I wake up with tears running down my cheeks, my heart racing, my throat dried up, I cant breathe and each breath is slow and shallow. As if I'm reliving it, but every time I close my eyes I see it all over again. I tried to clear the thoughts from my head.

My mother jokes about it infront of people and laughed about it in my face, but when she mentions it around my only brother he says I was lucky he had it way worse. when he used to get punched in the head while she had 6 different hard rings on her fingers, but he dont know the half of it.

"Ring! Ring!" The alarm clock ringing. "Ugh." I mumbled under my breath. " I don't feel like getting up. I laid in my bed tossing and turning. I'm so tired I moaned. What's the point in school, if it means I have to get up early. I wonder what time is it

It's 5:40, Ugh I friggen hate school. I really don't feel like going so all the kids can pick on me, talk about me behind my back, and make me even more miserable. I laid back down taking in these last 20 mins. I return once again to my bed. I soon heard mama opening her door to for leave work. I hear foot steps towards my door. " knock knock!" "what?' I repily sheepishly 'are you up" No im just talking through my sleep. I shake my head back and forth "Yeah, I'm up." I quickly replied in a sleepy sounding voice.

"Ok, and have a good day at school today." she replied.

"Ok, bye mama." I said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Love you." she plainly said.

I replied, " Love you too."

"Bye, be good." she said.

"Bye, you too." I replied trying not to sound annoyed. Man, how long she gon' continue this?, I then force myself to get up and get ready. Ugh why can't school start later. After I got dressed and out the door, I walked toward my bus stop. All I could think about was Edward and the day before. I see how Edward looks at me and I know he likes me. He's just scarce to admit it, but every time it appears I have my head turned, he looks up at me and looks straight down. He even made up a fake dog story about how he kicked his dog just to talk to me. Even though I sit by him in half my classes. At the end he said ,"Umm I was wondering would you like to be my... counselor?", he was one word away from saying girlfriend, but it probaly would'nt have happen since no guy want to go with m-.

Before I could finish my thoughts the bus pulled up.

As I was getting on the bus the bus driver stopped me.

She said with a concerned look and a stunned tone, " Why do you always walk close to the bus when you see it coming?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked down. She continued, " You know this bus can easily kill you?" she waited for a replied, but I didn't answer. She continued once again, " Next time wait until I come to a complete stop. Her eyes had compassion and confusion in them. I nodded my head and preceded toward the back. Maybe I want to die.

Reviews

[potato]

I really like it. I can't wait to read more of it. It is a lot like the one that I am writing,"The Abused".

[Fallen Angel]

Thanks and thank you for taking the time to review this. by the way I just uploaded a new chapter to this.