Timewaster

About what I do...

 I've always been a timewaster. I don't really reacall any moment when I didn't waste my time. Of course that there were some occasions when I was productive or did something meaningful, but those were just shards of the enormous window my life is.

And here I am, thinking of the past. What great things I could have achieved if I did something or the great times, happy times I could have spent doing something else, than just wasting my time. And the moments when I realized that I just threw my oportunities into the void, just because of my laziness. Yes, yes, yes. Laziness is the evil power which flows trough my veins, corupts my mind and makes me do bad things, easy things. If the matter was uneasy, I wouldn't do it.

So I browsed the web, watched movies, browsed the web again, did nothing, masturbate, oh so many hours spent by masturbation. Of course everybody does that, but I could have been with people, real people and I just jerked off instead. And what I could have done?  I should have been with the people, talked with the people, had good times with the people. I could have studied, read books to help myself understand the world and to have richer language. I could have worked out, taken care of my body, maybe it wouldn't look like the s**t it is.

No, I just killed the time. Killed it with whole days spent in virtual realities. Playing games. Yeah, I told myself that I play for the atmospheres the amazing worlds had to offer and I was kinda right, but  I've spent more time in the cities of games then in the ones of real. I even know the maps and how to get to places in Skyrim or GTA and I don't know my own city, the city I was born in and lived in for 20 years. Sounds like a silly joke, but it was just my mistake, because of the bad decisions I made, leading to bad memories and bad feelings.

And here I am again. Wondering what the future'll be like. Will I succeed in the act of change or will I stay the timewaster I am? I know that the decision is in the present. Because both the future and the past are determined by the actions we make here and now. I hope that you're not such a timewaster as I am, because I don't wish you to be one, neither I want to be.