Happy Birthday... Love, Forever

Short story about a poetic death and last gift to leave my child. It's unedited just fyi Fiction, Non Fiction

Happy Birthday, Love Forever
By Orlando Murcia



From the moment you were born, I loved you. " Here you are Mr. Flecther , your beautiful baby boy! "
The nurse watched my reaction as she put you in my arms for the very first time. I must admit something to you though. I lied when I said I loved you from the moment you were born. For you see, I loved you way before that. Since the very first time I saw your ultrasound picture, scratch that.. Since the moment you were introduced to me with those magical words,
" I'm pregnant ".
Your mother was not exactly the greatest news breaker. She threw your ultrasound picture at me and said " Well, there's your peanut. I paused for a short minute and stared at what was only a speck of beauty. It didn't hit me until maybe the sixth month of your existing universe that you were my child. Probably because I never thought I could ever have any children. But even then, my love for you was tremendous. You were my best friend, and always will. I hated going to work, even though I would be up with you way before the light of day. Those 6 hours at work were torture without you. I would sometimes mess up peoples orders, just because my every thought was you. I couldn't even write you a poem, because my love for you had no measure. No words could ever compare to the majesty of your skin. No star could ever, harvest the space found in the marvelous creation of your eyes. I would wrestle with God himself just to fight over your celestial perfection. For the very first time in my life, I now know why Jesus would of died if I was the only person in this world. As time went by, or flew by should I say. I watched as you said your first word, Muma.
But after that, was da. Muma didn't leave your breath again until a year and a half later. Your mother was sad, because da was all you seemed to say. And yes da, not dad. Your mother and I knew that though. I remember your mother driving many of times with me in the passenger seat. I would miss seeing your gorgeous little face in front of me. Even though you were sitting right behind me the whole entire time. I obviously would look back to see you. It was never enough though, I even missed you while you slept next to me . I loved chasing you around, singing to you even though I would sing off key plenty of times. Hearing your laughter was music to my ears and food to my soul. You were such a beautiful child and still are. When your grandmother saw you for the first time she fell in love. Yet wasn't trying to be called gamma just right then and there. Literally a minute later when you cried in front of her that all changed. You convinced her without saying a word. From that day forward you captivated her heart, like you did mine.
Come june 26th you turned 1. Your birthday was filled with everything a one year old could ask for. You had so much fun that you passed out before we could even cut the cake. We all thought that was adorable. We took lots of pictures and saved them to remember your special day of celebration . I had to make sure to keep them in a safe place. Two months prior someone stole my phone when I wasn't looking. All of my birth videos of you were forever washed up in someone elses pocket. Lucky for that person I never caught him stealing my phone. I would of gone to jail for sure that day if I did. From that day on, I told myself to record every moment I had with you, and I did. Who knew that 5 years later I would be recording myself. By age 6, I began to feel unlike myself. I began having trouble keeping up with you. My abdominal pains began to worsen. My skin was turning the color of bannana peels and my eyes the same. I lost 27 pounds in less than 3 weeks. My apetite was like a pigeon, I would get full really fast after a couple of bites of my meals. Your mother started to worry, so she made a doctors apointment for me. I started getting nervous, for all I could think to myself is " Please God, don't let me die before watching my son hold my grandchild ".
By the time it came to my Doctors apointment. I started getting even more nervous. Your mother held my hands as she would stare at me with that look of a mother awaiting for her sons return from war. I had restless leg already, but that day I felt my legs quake. Like when the earth shook Los Angeles that day at your great grandfathers house. Too bad you never met him. He was my best friend, as well as my other heartbeat. When the doctor walked in the room I started to breathe even harder. My hands were sweating and I was acting like I have recieved the worst of news already. They havent even began to test me yet and I was frightened. " Hello Mr. Flectcher my name is Dr. Stan ". From what you wrote down we are going to do some immediate tests and see where we are at. Dr. Stan had the nurse take some blood and run some other test and check my weight etc etc. The part I hated the most, was the wait. When I got home from the hospital, the first thing I did was walk into your room. You were still at school , you would get out from kindergarten around 2 o'clock. Your mother would cry with me as we talked about worst case scenarios. " It cant be anything serious!" Your mother would say trying to be encouraging. But its not her that has to worry about all of this, well, physically I mean. When your mom picked you up from school I wiped my tears, took a deep breath and stayed as positive as I could. Hi dad! You ran with your backpack still on and gave me your 4 second hugs that seemed like a treasured lifetime for me. How was school honey? I said this to you with a saddend smile. You looked up at me like when you did the first time you said da! I couldn't stop my eyes from tearing up. " I got a sticker for being helpful in class today dad" !
I said, well that deserves a nice lunch what do you say? Okay dad!
We went to your favorite spot Lunch Pail Charlies. I loved their tuna melts, though that day tuna was the last thing on my mind. I embraced every minute of that moment with you and tried not to focus on any of my problems. When we came back home from lunch, I wanted to follow you everywhere and soak in every snapshot of you with my eyes. I even had you sleep with me and your mother that night. The next day I woke up and felt somewhat better. Waking up to you was always a day maker. No matter what I was going through, your beautiful little facade always kept me going. Around 9 am the phone rang. It was the hospital telling me to come in as soon as possible. They couldn't tell me what was wrong over the phone. Now I was shitting bricks. I gave you a kiss goodbye while your mother took you to school. I wanted to go alone this time. On the ride over there, my favorite song no longer had a melody. The skies might of well of been grey, and the Sun might as well of been a frozen moon. When I arrived I had a quick ciggarette, I needed something to ease the edge off of me. As I waited for my name to be called in by the nurse. Your mother texted me saying If I needed her to be there. I texted her back saying " No honey, I'll be fine. I can picture her praying for me after my last reply.
"Ronald Flecther", the nurse said with only me in that gruesome Tuesday morning room. " How are we feeling today? " She said it in a sincere voice. I said , we'll found out soon enough I said in a realistic yet sarcastic voice. She took me to one of the rooms. It was quiet as fallen snow in that place. I had a sweater on, yet was shivering with fear. The doctor walked in 3 minutes later. He quickly glanced at me for about half a second. He said " Hey Ronald " in a stale pitch of a God I hate this part of the job voice .That then and there gave me goosebumps.

I replied in a meloncholy manner and said, " Hey doc ".
" Uhh , I have your test results here and umm...
Just tell me doc, dont beat around the bush please just come out and say it.
Well, the yellowing on your eyes and skin are what we call jaundice.
I exhaled happily because I knew what jaundice was. I knew that there was treatment for such symptoms and what not.
I said thank God!
I thought it was something more serious.
Then he said, well actually Ronald...
This is also just a few of the signs of Pancreatic cancer. And as I looked at your x rays, its already spread to your liver and part of your lung.
I started to tear up and shake, I wanted to pass out but couldn't. I was to much in shock and in denial. All I could say was, " is it treatable?
He said in a professional calm tone, " You are in stage 4 I'm afraid. I'm actually surprised you didn't come in sooner. But even then, your symptoms couldn't of told you anything . By treating you with chemotherapy, it might just shorten your lifespan . I honestly suggest at this point clinical treatment and undergoing surgery.
So is there any hope at all?
Dr. Stan said " Well I don't want to give you false hope ". Lets just say we will do everything we can to make you comfortable for the time being.
What the f**k does that mean!!!
How is that supposed to make me anywhere near comfortable!
What am I supposed to tell my wife and son when I get home?? " Hey honey I'm home!!!
Where is our son so I can give him and you the great news that I recieved from the hospital today, that I only have a year to live, isn't that great!!!
Is that how I'm supposed to break the news to them?!!
Then this is where he wanted to refrain but couldn't hold back. I mean come on he's a doctor for christ sake. " You actually, have less than a year. And because of the rapid growth in the tumor, I'd say you have about 5 maybe 6 months to.. you know ". I walked out of that room without saying a word. I could hear Dr. Stan say I'm sorry as I passed by him seconds after I cleared the doorway in a ghostly manner. When I got inside the car, I screamed. You could probably still hear me even though I put the stereo on full blast.
The drive home was numbing.
I didn't know how I was going to explain this to my son. My wife I can already imagine, but my little piece of heaven, God! How would I even come at him to break such news. I have never been so frightened in my life. When I got home, my Angel was playing with his toys and watching his favorite show . He was too focused on his show so I went straight to Meredith my wife and pulled her into the room. I don't think I need to tell you how she took the news. I felt she took it harder than I did. She went to bed praying every single night while crying at the same time. Sometimes I just had to walk out of the room, just because I felt irritated by her crying and prayers. As a few days went by, my life was more focused on my angel and Meredith. This was supposed to be a journal written for my son. About how much he meant to me. Instead it's just a long chapter of me coming to an end. Time was flying by so fast and I was getting weaker each day. I would have him sleep with us every night, and read to him before he would go to bed. I honestly would hardly ever read to him. I wished that everything I was doing now, I would of done to him before I found out the news. When he would fall asleep, my wife and I would discuss funeral arrangements. I told her that I wanted to be buried, but to cremate my heart. This way they would know, that my heart will forever belong to them. It got to a point where I needed a caregiver. My wife was to drained and couldn't do everything by herself. All I thought about was missing all of his Birthdays and missing his graduations. I wanted him to be there with him at every blowing of the candles until I was at an old age. Hold my grand babies and do the same for them too. I didn't want to die! This is not how I pictured my life! But what was I supposed to do. My son started noticing that something was not right. We couldn't lie to him even though we wanted too. We eventually had to tell him that daddy was to meet with God soon. He knew about the Lord and about all of his angels. I felt he was trying to be strong for daddy, but his heart was weakend with sadness just knowing that he was never going to see his daddy again, I could sense it . I was determined to stay alive for him, but my body was not allowing me to fight anymore. I spent 3 weeks making his birthday present. I wanted to give him something before I left this earth. His Birthday wasn't for another 8 months. This was going to be the last gift that I was ever going to give him. So it had to be perfect. I took my last breath 2 days later after I finished his gift . My heart was cremated as I said it would be, and given to my wife and son.

12 years later...

Happy Birthday dear Ronnie, Happy Birthday to you!!!

Dear sweetheart , today is Ronnies 18th Birthday. I have decided to finish what you started in your journal. The whole family was here to celebrate your angels 18th Birthday. I took it upon myself to give him your final present now ,I hope you don't mind my love. I felt this was the best time and felt that he would of been saddened if I would of gave it to him at a younger age. I think he's old enough now to receive what you made for him now. At least old enough to understand his gift and probably appreciate it more. Again my King I'm sorry. I waited until everyone was done giving him their gifts. Your mother gave him a frame with a black and white picture of you holding him for the first time. He was practically in tears. I brought him to the living room along with everybody else and announced that he had one present left. I brought out the box that you wrapped up for him, along with the card you wrote. " Dear Ronnie, Happy Birthday!

Love Forever ,

Dad


He opened up the box and saw the video tape. He put it on anxiously with excitement.
The room was silent, no one expected something like this.

When he pushed play, he instantly cried as soon as he saw your face.
Happy Birthday to my baby boy!!! You are 7 years old today and daddy wouldn't of missed it for the world! He went from a glowing face of excitement, to a glowing face full of tears sobbing yet laughing at the same time. He watched all of his Birthday wishes from you until his present birthday. I stopped it when your 18th Birthday wish ended. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. I held him for the longest time. He said " I love you mom,Thank you for showing me this " I told him it was your idea. I was just the messenger. He grabbed my hand and kissed both his hands and mine and said, " I love you daddy ". When later asked him why he kissed my hand and his own. He said " Because he is a part of both of us". I embraced that moment like you have no idea. I will never forget that day. Little did he know, that there were Birthday wishes from you until his 80th Birthday.
He only made it to your 37th Birthday wish. But in his funeral I placed Your video tapes of your last birthday wishes. Along with your ashes and your Birthday card...

Dear Ronnie,

Happy Birthday!

Love Forever,

Dad

Author's Note

My last gift to my son before I die.

Reviews

[Chryiss]

WT actual F is what I was thinking by the end of this story, if you know what I mean. I tried really hard to keep my tears but they just spilled out at the end, oh boy. The informal writing made it more personal, like someone was telling the story directly to me. And here I was at the beginning thinking that this piece didn't properly paragraph, ha. But it didn't need that kind of formal organization as the emotional buildup was everything. (And I saw the unedited comment.)
Unfortunately, I'm sure most people have been touched by cancer in some way. I for one have. So that topic will always be relatable and emotionally sensitive. But even without that connection, the many ways of describing your love for your son was beautifully done. Perhaps one day I'll understand that kind of parental love. :)
To be honest, I cheated and looked at the bottom my current screen after hearing the one year diagnosis, thinking, oh no this is going to hurt (my feelings), and when I saw the 12 years later, I thought, oh hey it was a happy ending! But then it wasn't, and yet in a way it was, and yet still not. Oh the turbulence of feels.
I've come across the letters on your birthday after a parent has died before this, but it still had me as a leaky faucet at the end.
My only last question is, the author's comment says fiction, non fiction. It could actually be both, but is it? I do hope it's fiction because of the topic, but either way, a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Michelle Allende]

That was amazing, speechless