The Moon and a Black Hole

He is so dazzling and beautiful like the moon

and I know I'll probably kill myself before I'm twenty two

He has so much to live for, so much potential

and I'm just a nobody, useless and cynical

I wanted to know him, be his friend, perhaps more

but I ended up rotting him before it reached his core

He was sweet like candy, generous and forgiving

He was my one and only reason for living

but then it became too much; I made him go crimson

He told me loved me, but I was his poison

He put me back together, an unbroken Humpty Dumpty 

how ironic it is, I broke him for I am an atrocity

I know he is strong, he'll get better with time

and I've run away to save him, destroying him was my crime

I know I didn't deserve him; he was such a good guy

There's only one place for me to go, it's time to say goodbye.

Author's Note

I'm not too good with rhymes but I thought I'd give it a shot.
Constructive criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[Johanna]

You are great with rhymes! I actually realli liked this poem.. it was very sad though, but very good. I write a lot of sad ones myself, and I think rhyming is really beautiful, I like it without also, but not good at it myself, creds to those who can do both :) Very great job!

[Robert Strzalko]

Very good............I'm impressed.

[Neville]

I'm not generally a rhyming kind of guy but this made me smile, just a little bit mind you....N

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

Dark, suicidal, depressing...you've captured the mood very well in this piece. You're rhyming is quite good. For many years as a writer myself I always stumble on rhyming, but it does take patience and practice. I really enjoyed the imagery you've crafted here. It's brilliant

[William Tate]

no criticism is valid in this case, would say though as far as the content of this write....would be a great lost because you are ahead of schedule in life. you have talent, personality and wonderful looks.

[Chloe_Spence]

I thought the rhyming was very good- very honest and nice use of vocabulary :)

[Saddam]

Wonderful but heart breaking piece. Enjoy with full attention.

[Hessy]

nice work.i enjoyed it......................

[Madalyn Beck]

A wonderful and heart breaking write. It is true that sometimes loving someone isn't enough. We need to be good for each other too. You've expressed that beautifully in this write. Fantastic work! Definitely a favorite of mine! xo (:

[Shay]

Thank you :)

[Makayla]

this is truly wonderful. i got chills reading this. great job.

[Shay]

Thank you :)