As Above, So Below.

We are all held in prison

All with privelage or without

Either to be connected beyond the world and be succumbed.

To the very daring consequence of this world 

Escape and slipping beneathe what is given.

Mold yourself as a price above your head

To who, it is unknown but when traveling to the unknown

You reach paths so crooked it dwells deeper into the dark.

Gifts can hold beauty, gifts can be treasurous 

But can be just as treacherous for the exchange of its treasure. 

For not everything in your gift shows mountains of light,

For what you see in bliss, must the dark clouds that hover above get notice.

To master it all you must see it all

For your eyes look upon places existing just as you,

Just for you, the eyes looking upon traps to play tricks believing we are home.

This place that is not like any other,

Where lies worlds that form in buildings only grasped from what you have seen,

From what you have been, from where you have been.

Places of trapped palaces and ships strapped up to dock your every desire.

Clutching you with their golden cover whisping along your dreams shaped to be memories.

To not know when you slumber if you are home or being lept in the unknown,

The inbetween where you suffocate in breath and voice, in identity, and feeling.

Numb goes your body from the tingles in the finger tips for there to be 

Tingles in a body that now belongs to the abyss. 

Unwilling of a presence of fear yet lacks the presence of pain, posing you 

Of no choice but to yield and latch onto a leash of clawing dragging escape.

For you fear to stay put, in a place you hold no power of movement, and what of it,

If they seek you in their walls? What must come of the unknown greeting a mere stranger?

What friends shall I make in hopes that their tongues speak of kindness beyond fleshy humanity.

How can I help myself?

It has been as carryhing a block so heavy, fleeing from my chest to shackle my stuck body.

Is it that they know I am not willing to let go? The very thing keeping me in place 

Is the fear I have to be shackled as a prisoner?

I will always wake up, but at what price, at what moments can I keep my mind in my clutches for so long?

They will take it an dfeast upon its weakness as a human gthat went above what was gifted.

There is no aid, no help, no guidance but a crafty game in place of my sanction,

To click against a board of lapsed galaxies.

Each piece to be each world finishing close to a line that yanks me in return of unlearned spaces.

Taking up the space as intangible objects remain, as the air I drink will not be needed.

Unknown is my survival because what will be given in my state of consciousness?

So dazzle me with more, just parade me in a sparkle of dripping color and energy,

Let me plead for guidance, along a path laid for myself to be soaking in wholeness and love.

Let me paint it as I shmear the very colors of my soul.

Gifting me with wonder so let me stay in the wonder, let me master it and meet those who share it,

Who live between it.

As above, so below.

Reviews

[Ibrahim Kaggwa]

Areas for Improvement:
Clarity and Coherence: While the poem is beautifully written, some parts are difficult to follow due to the abstract and complex phrasing. For instance, the line "To the very daring consequence of this world / Escape and slipping beneath what is given" could benefit from further clarification. Streamlining these ideas would enhance the accessibility of the poem without losing its emotional weight. A bit of tightening up of ideas could help make your message more impactful.

Rhythm and Structure: The poem feels somewhat uneven in its pacing. Some lines are long and sprawling, while others are short and abrupt, which creates a sense of fragmentation. Consider experimenting with line breaks, punctuation, and rhythm to create a more consistent flow that complements the themes of the poem. For instance, breaking the poem into stanzas could help with this, providing moments of pause and reflection for the reader.

Repetition and Focus: Some images and ideas (such as the idea of being trapped or the fear of the unknown) repeat throughout the poem, which is effective for building tension, but at times it can feel a bit repetitive. You might consider focusing on a smaller set of images or metaphors to give the poem a more cohesive structure, or refining these repetitions so they resonate more powerfully each time.

Concrete vs. Abstract: While the abstract nature of the poem adds to its mysterious quality, balancing this with more concrete imagery or experiences might make the emotional core even more impactful. For example, grounding the abstract struggles in specific sensory details or moments of personal experience could make the reader feel more immersed in your world.

[Ibrahim Kaggwa]

The poem showcases a strong, reflective voice that addresses complex themes of existential struggle, fear, and the search for meaning in an uncertain world. Your metaphors are evocative, and the emotional intensity of the piece is impressive. With some adjustments to clarity, structure, and focus, the poem could achieve an even more powerful impact, maintaining its raw emotional energy while offering a clearer path for the reader to follow.

It's a thought-provoking piece that encourages introspection and resonates with the universal human experience of questioning and seeking in a world full of ambiguity. Keep honing it!

[sienna]

Thank you for the review, I do agree not some of my best work, however the poem actually is supposed to be describing how and what happens when I lucid dream and astral project. The poem is supposed to highlight existential feelings and reoccuring events when I travel to different dimensions outside of my physical body and the struggle to maintain balance with my spiritual and physical self. Does that help with the theme and pacing of the poem?

[sienna]

You nailed very closley to what I was going for though! The poem deals with my universal human experience in retrospect to dealing with my spiritual abilities and limited answers to complex conceptual questions of life itself!