Crimson Darkness

A nightmare...

I lost a piece, a piece of my heart

It was broken and pulled apart

 

Now I cry a river of blood

And drown in the created flood

 

I claw my way back to the fore

Wishing I could be what I was before

 

I desperately search for the lost piece

A longing for serenity and the lost peace

 

I wade through the river and seek

What I lost and became so weak

 

This crimson darkness engulfing me

Won’t let my ravaged heart silent be

 

The cacophony of screams surrounding me

Desperate and hurt forever I will be

 

I emerge from the room and darkness see

This crimson death numbing, cursing I flee

 

Running I come to the white door

A sight for sore eyes I wish no more

 

What lies beyond I fail to discern

Fleeing this hell, my only concern

 

I push the door, creaking it opens wide

I plunge forward, forgotten all pride

 

The room I land in, crimson it smiles

A new nightmare, wrapped in vile

 

I lose all control and scream my fears

My face pale and moist with tears

 

I fall to the ground hopeless I feel

A few moments I wish I could steal

 

I look around and see my heart

Throbbing and hurt, just torn apart

 

Sobbing and hurt I wake up in cold sweat

Dousing my fears, I have paid my debt

Author's Note

OK I'm not sure what this is about, it just came to me and i penned it down, tell me what you think!

Reviews

[DrD]

Ok, Sid, you know that I give honest reviews and I have read much of your prior work. The rhyming in this work is extremely forced and dilutes whatever message you wanted to present. I don't think you were even comfortable in writing this because it has that sense that it was more of a work than an expression. Please tell me if I'm wrong but I don't think this is your normal level of writing.

[Sid]

I'm not sure why the rhyming came across as forced but frankly I didn't have to work much on the rhyme, like I said in the note I just wrote it down as it came to me, I usually have ideas and write poems based on those ideas but this was just a scene and i just wrote it as the words came by...sorry if it didn't work for Dr., and as always I appreciate your honest review!

[quinfinn]

sounds like an agonizing dream and i think i have had similar ones in my life. i have to say that i love the meter and the form of this write, it keeps the reader to a beat in their head and propels the piece forward. great imagery within as well.

[Sid]

Thank you!

[Tex]

I think it is about writers block. Read it with that in mind an see what you think.

I love this poem it shows the struggle we all have at times with our demons who ever or what ever they may be. I just love the way you turn this positive at the end... A note of finale... the debt being paid in full. great write my friend... there were a few stanzas that just stood out for me, this:

The room I land in, crimson it smiles
A new nightmare, wrapped in vile

Just amazing the imagery of the crimson smile of the room... wow!

and this:

I claw my way back to the fore
Wishing I could be what I was before

every reader can relate to that my friend... we have all felt it... but you wrote it.

well done... just an excellent write.

[Sid]

Thank you Nicholas, much appreciated as always!

[Mark]

it's about being hurt in the heart... that first few times, it's overwhelming and you've done an excellent job of portraying what that is like IMO!

[Sid]

That was my first thought but frankly I just am not sure what it means. Thank you for taking the time to check this out, much appreciated!