The Looking Glass

A young man faces the darkness in him after he falls asleep...

Reflection, the looking glass

Beyond, a world unseen

Alone, long it’s been

Adorned, leaves of grass

Inside, clear as glass

Blossoms, forever smiling keen

Trees, tops high unseen

Creatures, mighty beautiful amass.

 

Inside, isolated I stand

Watching, the sun caged

Everywhere, mighty trees aged

All, turning to sand

One, black strip-o’ land

Ravaged, myriad wars waged

Cataclysm, my eyes, staged

End, black I stand.

 

Nearer, black he smiles

Evil, see my eyes

Epitome, all my lies

Sanity, many a miles.

 

And I managed the words, “Who or what is it that you are?”

“Do you not see? I am you!”

“You can not be for I am not evil, while you exude an unfathomably ominous aura. So I ask again: who or what are you?”

And he laughed a mirthless and contemptuous laugh that rang out in the dark silence.

At length he spoke in a voice unlike before; a spine chilling insanity-laden voice.

“You say you are not evil and yet you harbor great malice towards your colleagues and contempt for your fellow humans. I am but the physical incarnation of your sins, your fears, your true emotions, your lies and your hate; as you spiral down this path stronger I become and soon I will be the only you; I shall watch this pretentious you rot away into oblivion as I take over.”

I shuddered at the thought and in earnest I searched my heart for my true feelings.

As I plunged deeper into my emotions I saw the black me rear his head and I realized he was indeed me; deep inside me evil dwelt waiting for but a weak moment to manifest itself.

 

Truth, my final fight

Clear, my true emotions

Broken, all conceited notions

Seeping, the purifying light

Sun, a majestic sight

Melting, the darkened motions

Thoughts, clear mighty oceans

Unbounded, free for flight.

Startled, I rose awake

Mirror, a propitious shine

Dream, tranquility be mine

Felicitous, life I make...

Author's Note

This was shortlisted for miracle ezine's 3rd issue (Don't yet know if it will be chosen). Please refrain from suggestions on how I can modify the format, I worked hard to maintain this format (rhyming style abbaabba)and it's deliberate...other than that please feel free to say what you think, rip it to shreds if you have to...

Reviews

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

I love it very awakening

[Sid]

Thank you, glad you like it!!

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

your welcome

[Phillitup]

great job!

[Sid]

Thank you!

[DrD]

I will not criticize the format, other than to say it is interesting. Beyond that, I am not into dark material but where merit exists, I will comment. Your word choice is much better in this work than the last I reviewed and your originality needs to be commended. The theme is not to my liking but it is to the liking of thousands so that point is moot. In its literary sense it is a very good job and achieves what you were intending it to do.

[Sid]

Thank you for the review Dr.!

[Tex]

This is so amazing, it shows me how high someone can fly...

Incredible write. If you don't mind... how much time did you spend on this masterpiece?

[Sid]

Thank you for kind words and frankly I'm not quite sure but it took me some time (the rhyming and the format was a pain though I imposed it on myself). Again thank you for stopping by and reviewing!!

[Jack Reaper]

very different with the conversation in the middle of it, never really seen that before. i must say it really added even more depth to it. all i can really do is curse you for perfecting emotions ive often tried to write out. really, quite an excellent piece.

[Sid]

Thank you, that means a lot coming from you. Glad you like it!!

[Becca Bishop]

I'd love to rip this to shreds but I can't do the impossible. Darn you for being such a good writer!!! This is all beautiful and lyrical and I wish that I could make some suggestion as to how to make it better. You can perfect perfect, though, if that makes sense. This is amazing the way it is.

[Sid]

Thank you Becca, glad you like it!! :D

[quinfinn]

i wouldn't change a hair on its pretty little head. i am stunned at the raw energy and dark beauty of this piece. i have written variations on this very theme but, nowhere this orchestrated and perfected. i can see plainly, the work and passion that went into creating this . if this doesn't make the cut for the issue don't worry. it will long outlive anything else they might choose. superb.

[Sid]

Thank you, those are some really encouraging words and I'm grateful. Glad you like it!!

[quinfinn]

keep writing pieces like "the looking glass" and your name will be immortal
i never shine people on about their writings. sometimes i may misinterpret but not often, this is a classic

[Sid]

Thank you, I think I'll let this go to my head for a little while ;)

[quinfinn]

enjoy

[JiDonnelly]

This is just packed with powerful words!
I'm pretty much speechless on what to say.
Credit to you man.

-JiDonnelly'

[Sid]

Thank you!!

[JiDonnelly]

You're Welcome!

-JiDonnelly'