Phobia

My lungs were on fire and amidst the flames, a beast tried to claw its way out of me, wounding me, destroying me as it looked for its escape. Or was it a snake, wrapped around me, crushing me from all sides, burning my insides in its mirth at trapping me. It was then, in a moment of clarity that I remembered the truth about my predicament. It was the water, the cursed water from the lake I had been asked to jump in. The wretched water was pushing me down, away from air, away from life. It was in my lungs burning me inside, all my frantic efforts pushed aside effortlessly.

As I struggled against the strength of the mighty beast, the water, I felt the life draining out of me, a weakened state where none of my efforts were of any consequence. Deeper I drifted, all the while fighting against the water, against my destiny, for dying at the hands of this unrelenting, wretched beast did seem like destiny. Every passing second was like hours of agony, pain beyond what I had imagined possible - I wished for it to end, I wished for death, the only escape from the wretched pain. With all my might I concentrated on one thing, an end to the pain, an end to my life and the only solace I had in my struggle was that it would be over soon, I would be free soon, free to soar the skies, to live like a bird. I drifted away into nothingness, away from the world, away from my friends, away into eternity and tranquility....

I woke up with a start and looked around, my first thoughts being if I was in heaven or hell. After a moment of scattered thoughts, I came to my senses and took heed of my surroundings. I lay sprawled on the ground near a lake with its sparkling beautiful yet beastly water staring back at me as if waiting for an opportunity to devour me. It looked ready to spring forth and swallow me whole even as I thrashed in defense and pain. I realized I had just seen a vision, a ghastly portrait painted by my fear, my phobia of water and with a gushing of relief I walked away from the cursed water, away to safety, away to sanity....

Reviews

[Becca Bishop]

Sorry for my nit picky-ness but here goes:
-Remember to use question marks when asking a question because question marks are fun :D
-I really liked how you described the 'destiny' in the second paragraph. Gave me the chills.
-Break up the second paragraph so there's less commas, more sentences. It maybe might flow better. Perhaps.
-I feel that exact same way about water!! Beautiful yet deadly...
-Nice ending, I'm glad your narrator didn't drown. That'd be a downer.

Good write :D

[Jo March]

excellent writing.. keep it up :)

[Sid]

Thank you!!

[Coyote Poetry]

Phobia can lead us to bad places. Fear can make us lose our mind. Great description led the reader to fear and struggle. I like the flow of the story and the strong ending. Good to know peace and safety. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Sid]

This is kind of based on my experience when i first learnt how to swim. Some uncle of mine just threw me into the water and that was horrible. I managed to learn how to swim after that though...Thank you for your comments!!Glad you like it!!