Sweven

A young adult finds himself wounded on the road crowded by people and has a vision or dream after falling unconscious...

The first rays of the sun hitting my eyes,

I was faced with a sight to behold,

Like an epiphany from all the lies,

An apparition, as death it was cold...

 

The face, a ghastly shadow of sorrows untold,

As pale and white as a bone,

Fragile yet untamed, hanging on by the last fold,

The hatred and wrath, all carved in a stone...

 

Its eyes, they gleamed as white as death,

Painless they looked, yet painful to look upon,

The mirth, the agony, the hatred, feelings of regret,

The illness of long lost emotions, words not undone...

 

At length I looked away, only to be shaken yet again,

All around me lay, unfathomable stretches of white sand,

Devoid of all life, a realm of terror and pain,

All around seeping despair, amidst which alone I stand......

 

As I stood in this inferno, despair, lone emotion in me, I felt,

A dread over all the sins, I had bestowed upon the land,

Fear of a reckoning for all my deeds, ere a final judgment be dealt,

For inside, I knew, "in hell I stand".....

 

At length, with all strength mustered, a drowning of my screaming fear,

I asked it, “what might you be?"

And it said to me

"Within thee I reside,

Thy sins, thy heart, they divide,

Thy guilt, anguish, pain and fear,

These ills, thy heart, they tear,

It is in thy fear, that thy world shall fall,

Thy guilt, it shall detract thy sanity,

And in thy lies, thy loved shall rot,

For in death shall this be thy grave."

 

As I gazed into the eyes of death,

I was confronted by a sweven, a construct of despair,

A requiem for all I loved and treasured,

A lament, a wail, for the perishing of love and hope,

A metamorphosis of all I held dear to a place, much like this hell, in which I stood........

 

As I cried, I felt the wind, as cold as death in my hell,

And I heard a cacophony, voices not distanced from pain,

Opening my eyes I beheld, a multitude of men and women,

And among them, near me, stood my life,

I embraced her with unfathomable strength,

Even as the crimson liquid flowed down my front......

Author's Note

Looking for reviews, please take the time and review it if possible

Reviews

[rnuff]

As I stood in this inferno, despair, lone emotion in me, I felt,
A dread over all the sins, I had bestowed upon the land,
Fear of a reckoning for all my deeds, ere a final judgment be dealt,
For inside, I knew, "in hell I stand".....

These words here have so much depth to them.
A very well written with awesome emotions.

[Sid]

Thanks a lot!!...kind of wrote it out of guilt over my own mistakes...

[rnuff]

well we all make mistakes over our life, we shouldn't live in our past.
I know there is hurt, pain, & sorrow. Life is a real stinker. We must grin
and bear it.

[Damien Davison]

Very descriptive, it was very well written. The only time I was taken away from the poem was in the lines of the sixth stanza, at first glance I found the rhyming scheme and the flow off putting, but as I reread I found it to actually be brilliant. Guess I didn't even really need to say that, heh. Thanks for sharing, it was a great read!

[Sid]

Thank you, glad you like it!

[Tex]

Sid, you have outdone yourself with this. The honesty, and depth of feeling is just amazing. How do you dare plumb to such depths. No matter... that you did and came back with this masterpiece is enough.

very well written, loved the flow and movement of the piece, you pull us right in with you.

I loved it. You dig this deep into your sole you get 100/100 from me man.

[Sid]

Thank you Nicholas, glad you like it!!

[Southern Cross]

Intense emotions ...Judgement and reckoning and all that we fear within the grasp of our lives..To realize that we are not perfect and yet to strive for perfection that can never be reached, only sought..but as you have said "And among them, near me, stood my life,
I embraced her with unfathomable strength,
Even as the crimson liquid flowed down my front......" That is all we can hope for ..To embrace out lives with strength...Beautifully crafted and mesmerizing in its emotional impact.

[Sid]

Thank you, glad you like it!!

[Cwortknee]

What a piece of art. This is absolutely incredible! The detailed imagery that you shown here is amazing, and the emotion? There's so much emotion bursting out of this it's insane. Pain, fear, and guilt most of all for me. You've done a beautiful job here. Thanks for sharing!

[Sid]

Thank you for your kind words and you are spot on about the emotions, I'm glad I could convey them the way I felt them!! Thank you again, glad you like it!!

[Cwortknee]

My pleasure, but I don't like it.. I love it!

[Sid]

Nice :) Thanks again.

[Jack Reaper]

absolutely marvelous. the torture, the despair.. fantastic descriptive imagery, theres just nothing bad about this. i loved it.

[Sid]

Thank you!! Glad you like it!!

[Kriss_Rose]

Beautiful. I love this. Though all seems hopeless you can learn from any mistakes. It was beautiful and full of despair and than strength at the end. Just lovely

[Sid]

Thank you, glad you like it!!

[Mia]

You just blew my mind, this is incredible. "As white as death" that is the perfect description. The nothingness. So much despair and anguish. The torture, most of it self torture and even when your low, lower than low...
"And among them, near me, stood my life,
I embraced her with unfathomable strength,
Even as the crimson liquid flowed down my front......"
Each line is perfect, each word perfectly chosen. How you did this, I can't even comprehend!

[Sid]

Thank you!!This just became my favorite review, vain as that is!!

[Mia]

Well earned vanity!

[Sid]

:)

[Enchantment]

i thought your poem was well thought out. I also loved that he saw his death and life before him. I liked it very much.

[Sid]

Thanks a lot!!Glad you like it!!