Desolate

© Natalie Dunning 2016. Cover by me. An attempt at the best description of my personal experience with depression, which has been a fight since since I was around 11 years old (2009).

' smother me in hate ,

in the self-loathing i deserve ,

pierce my mind with a carbon dagger ,

twist my heart with thorny twine '

is what my mind must say to my soul

each morning when i wake

as i crawl out of bed ,  

wishing it all would stop

i beg , i plead

it doesn't cease , if anything

it is fueled by my struggle

it laughs at my attempt to

seek resolution of some kind

to put my anxieties and hatred

of my own life , my pathetic

existence

to the darkest ,  loneliest regions

of my thoughts 

my mind is muddled by

black clouds that taste like despair

they drip and ooze ,  

flooding my consciousness

they grow dark vines ,

rooting themselves in my perspective

my perception of the world

they make me angry

sad , abhorrent at myself

' i hate you '

i look in the mirror

my fists clench as my eyes leak

my vision blurs as my head spins

i'm left in a dark void of endless nothing , 

drowning in myself

clawing at my tattered skin , 

wanting to rip out of my body

let me out , i need to be free

i can't hold it any longer

the weight of my sorrows

and endless despondency 

it doesn't end , not here

not with whom i love ,

not in the arms of my sweet

affliction

save me , i can't do this anymore

the melancholy of my life

the woe of the harsh whispers that 

shatter my eardrums 

with one final spurt

of the remaining energy that has nearly

fully evaded my being

with trembling hands and

shaky breaths

i scribble down

 ' help me , please

i just need

someone anyone

to end this

hellish nightmare '

 

 

 

Reviews

[poetgurl]

such an emotional read,
sadness in this,
presented well

[James Messervy]

This poem literally gives me goosebumps. It is very powerful and I can certainly relate. I love the rawness of your writing.

[DAH]

Dark, Gothic, and distressing.

Good job!

[Outsider]

Wow. So much pain in such exquisite writing. Your poem hits me hard for I know that place very well and visit it often. With that to the side the emotion you put into this is very deep.