Relations

In life, many people we meet,
But not everyone like you I greet.
Sometimes strangers become more closer then the people lifetime we see,
And people who are closer hurt us like a bee.
Life is about connections we make,
It changes a little with every hand you shake.
Some stays for a lifetime and some hide like a tide,
Keep some relations a secret as it makes them worthwhile.

Reviews

[JayG]

First, a minor point, related to your other posted work: The ellipsis is three dots, never two.

• But not everyone like you I greet.

Ahh...Yoda-speak you have mastered. Speak it well you do.

My point? You've made the common assumption that structured poetry is, first, about rhyming. And because you have, you're bending the line to the needs of the rhyme.

• And people who are closer hurt us like a bee.

Like a bee? So, people have stingers? Naaa. I have lots of people who are close to me. According to that line, they should all be hurting me. But one of the reasons I keep them close is that they don't hurt me.

But you needed a rhyme for "see," so...

Like so many others, you're using the fact-based and author-centric writing skills we're given in school. But those skills, honed by more than a decade of writing reports and essays are nonfiction skills. Using them, the author talks TO the reader. Using those skills you would tell the reader that you cried at a funeral. But a poet, using the emotion-based and character-centric skills of fiction and poetry, would give the READER reason to weep. And if you do make them weep, they would thank you for doing it.

Readers don't care what your thinking. They don't come to hear your personal philosophy, either, because that's not what poetry is. They come to poetry to be made to react emotionally—to be made to feel and care, not be better informed on the personal viewpoint of a random stranger.

The rhyming words in structured poetry are an accent, not the purpose. The word must fit the thought so perfectly that the rhyme seems almost accidental. And therein lies the problem: Not only are we not told of that in school, poetry's methodology—which no one tells us exists, is the antithesis of the approach to nonfiction.

Remember, they've been refining the techniques of poetry for centuries. So take advantage of that. Find out what doesn't work, and why, along with what does. It's not a matter of talent. It's that they offer poetry-related degree programs. And surely, at least some of what's taught there is necessary and useful.

So dig in and make that knowledge yours. Begin by looking a the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. You'll be amazed at what he says about the flow of language.

Then read Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. It's filled with fascinating things, like why we mostly use the word rock when it's jagged, and stone when it's smooth. It explains why no one shouts, "Oh Feces," when they're frustrated, but instead, shout words like crap and s**t. You can download a readable PDF copy at the address below, but I'm betting that you'll end up wanting a good copy, of your own.

She'll also teach you a lot about poetry. 😄

I know this is far from what you hoped to hear when you posted this piece. But since we won't address the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/