I'm Time (Dark Theme)

By the lady of my wildest dreams

To Urmila Gautam

I'm not a chance, that you can redeem me

Love me this moment; you'll never have me again!

I would be your fantasy if you don’t lay me in your bed

hold me in your arm, work on my lips instead

I know your bad desire and my body set on fire

and push me harder to take me higher

I Sigh when you put your hand down to my spine

and you whisper, “Baby you’re all mine”  

F**k me in your bed,

before this moment skip from your head

Love me till your love barely confined

your face is starting to fade away

when sunrise for sunshine

This desire will wash away if you choose not to stay

But I want you now baby, cause I can’t wait…

Deepak Belbase

Author's Note

Please have a Review on this

Reviews

[Shivai]

I did think it was melancholy, but my first thoughts were that you were somehow, you know, threatening or warning (can quite find the right word) her, that she may not find or meet you agin, this could be your last chance, so she should love you like it is.

Never the less, its beautiful!

[Deepak Belbase]

thanks for your review...

[Ana B.]

Wonderful, melancholic words, i really loved the two last lines especially. :)

[Maja]

Okay, here it goes:

1.) ...I would be your [memory]
2.) let me [lay] you on my bed
3.) hold me in your [arms], before we could have the [sex] --> I suggest you refrain from explicitly saying sex since you're already describing it

4.) & sensation of your [lips] all over my neck
5.) we both get drunk in [a] bar

6.) before this moment [slips] from your head
A pain has inject on my vain, but i want to kiss you more & more
we can't see each other, if you walk out [from] the door --> there's really no need to use 'from'
7.) it's last time we are doing --> maybe reword this?

Aside from those suggestions, I would just like to say that that was one sexy poem. I especially love the first two lines. :) I also love how - because of the title - there's a possibility that it could actually not be about love or sex. It gave it a whole different dimension. :)

[Deepak Belbase]

I found your suggestion very helpful & I'm very thankful to you for this. I hope your further view would be worthy. Thanks for your compliment on first two lines

[Maja]

You're welcome :)