01 - Innocence

#1  i n n o c e n c e

 

"To all our passengers, we are shortly arriving in Tokyo station. Exit doors will be on the right side of this train. Please check all your belongings to avoid any forgotten items. Thank you."

The city came in a blur of buildings and billboards outside my window as I sat up straighter in my seat. The train began to slow down, and the other passengers around me began to get ready with their things.

It was several minutes later before the train finally came to a full stop. I waited for most of the passengers to get out before I rose from my chair. I paused down the aisle, taking out the guitar case from the overhead rack. I pulled out the trolley bag in front of my seat and slung the guitar over my shoulders as I made my way to the exit doors of the train.

I stepped out and looked around the station platform, heading to the stairs that would lead to the subway. It was my first time in this city, and I didn’t want to get lost the first minute here.

I stepped on the escalators, stretching my back and hearing several bones crack. When you've been sitting in one place for more than seven hours, your body will do that to you.

I fumbled for the ticket in the back pocket of my jeans as I stepped off the escalator and made my way to the validating machines. I looked around the crowded subway, searching faces, creasing my forehead when I couldn't find my cousin. He was supposed to pick me up here, goddamn it.

I paused in a corner and took out the cellphone from my pocket. I dialed a number and brought it to my ear, my eyebrows only meeting closer at the sound of the busy tone.

"What the hell," I muttered under my breath. I redialed again, but the line remained busy.

I gave up with a sigh and worriedly looked around. It was half past three in the afternoon when I glanced at my watch. I was right on time. Where the hell was he?

I looked at my cellphone again and stared at a picture of my cousin. I hadn't seen him in six years, so he sent a recent picture of himself so I could recognize him the moment I arrived here. Short black hair, hazel brown eyes, right fang poking out from a wide grin as he posed with a peace sign. Still, as I looked around again, the real thing remained nowhere in sight.

I stared at the image again and suddenly had the urge to smash my phone. I've never been here before. I couldn't possibly be left alone here.

I had only leaned back to the wall in weariness when a man in green short sleeves caught my attention. He was tall, nearly six feet, with his back facing me as he stood talking on his cellphone. He had short, light brown hair, and a hand on his waist as he continued talking.

I creased my forehead, gripping the handle of my trolley bag again as I adjusted the guitar case on my left shoulder. I slowly walked towards him until I could hear his voice. He sounded awfully familiar.

"What about Saturday then? Will you be free?" he grinned. I caught the side of his face. "Aw, c'mon, Mika... I miss you already..."

He laughed. I cleared my throat. "Shin-chan."

The man faced me. He stared at me for several seconds, the smile decreasing from his lips.

His eyebrows met. "Yes?"

I blinked at him. "It's me."

"Ah! Sorry," he immediately said, but it was for the other line. "I'll call you back later, okay?"

He flipped his phone close and looked at me again, his forehead creasing further. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

I stared at him again. "It's me, Hitomi."

"No, you aren't," My cousin dubiously frowned as he pointed to his arm. "She has hair up to here."

So I decided to cut my hair. Shoot me.

"You're one to talk," I snapped in impatience. "Your hair was black in the picture you sent me."

The man had only opened his mouth to speak when he fell silent. He openly scrutinized my face. I think it took him about three more seconds before he finally said, "Hitomi...??"

I expectantly blinked at him.

"Oh hell, it is you!" he exclaimed, pulling me close and hugging me. "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you!"

"About time," I grunted as he let go of me and quickly took the trolley bag from my hand. He grinned and looked at me again.

"Aw, look at you, you're all grown up," he fondly said as he ruffled my hair. "I liked your long hair though."

"Sorry," I muttered. He looked at my loose red shirt and frowned at it.

"And you're dressed like a boy," he shrugged. "Can't blame me for not recognizing you."

"I am not dressed like a boy," I snapped as the both of us began to make our way out of the station. "I like big shirts."

"Yeah well if you don't want to be mistaken for a guy here, you better start changing your wardrobe."

"Bugger off," I snarled. He merely grinned again as the both of us began to make our way up the stairs to leave the subway.

 

"So how's Aunt and Uncle? Man, I haven't seen them in years," My cousin said as we walked down the open hallway to his room. We were on the 3^rd floor of his apartment in Shibuya, about half an hour's commute from the station.

He fished out the keys from his pocket and opened the door, proceeding inside as I followed after him. He parted the curtains, allowing the late afternoon light to enter the room as I placed my guitar on the nearby couch.

The place was your average studio apartment. Where he stood near the bed was the kitchen to his left, with a small, two-seater table next to the sink and fridge. A small couch facing the TV greeted the doorway, with the bathroom to the left.

"Well, it's not much, but make yourself at home," he said. "When you get a job, let's start looking for a place of your own."

I nodded as I sat on the edge of the couch. I heard a faint purring noise coming from the bathroom. I saw a fat white cat coming towards me.

"Oh, that's my cat, Yumi," My cousin grinned. "Cute, ain't she?"

I stood up and knelt on the floor, beckoning the cat to come closer. She warily paused for a few seconds, but eventually allowed me to stroke her chin as she closed her eyes. Shin-chan moved to the couch beside me, sitting down and staring at the guitar case next to him.

"Did you get a new guitar?" he asked.

"No," I said, standing up as the cat walked off to the kitchen. "That's the old one."

"Oh," he smiled. "Good that you still play."

"Yeah, well," I sighed, slumping to the couch next to him. "You?"

"Of course," He cocked his head to the other side of the room. "Mine's near the bed."

I closed my eyes and put a hand to the back of my neck. I began to massage my left shoulder.

"It's been a long trip, huh? You must be dead beat," he said. "What time did you leave Nagasaki?"

"Around eight," I answered, stretching my arms and legs. "So where do I sleep?"

"Hmm," My cousin pursed his lips and looked around the room. His gaze fell on the same couch he was sitting on. "Here?"

I stared at the furniture. "Great."

"Don't complain, unless you wanna share beds."

"No thanks," I automatically replied.

He grinned. "So where are you studying?"

"Titech," I creased my forehead. "Is that far from here?"

"Oh hey, you're going there? Cool," He raised his eyebrows. "No, it's pretty close, actually. What are you taking up?"

"Computer science," I shrugged. "It looked the easiest."

He whistled. "When do you start?"

"Next week," I said. "Teach me how to get around so I don't get lost."

"Sure, sure," He waved a hand in the air. "Hey, you hungry? Let's go out. I'm starving."

"Treat me out," I piped up when he rose from his seat. "Celebrate my arrival."

"Fine, but we're going to McDonald's."

"You cheapskate," I laughed. "At least take me to a restaurant."

"Don’t complain! I'm already the one treating you out here."

"F*****g cheapskate..."

“Hey, I heard that,” he snarled.

“Good,” I said. “F*****g cheapskate.”

“Stop that, will you?!”

“F****n�"“

“Alright, fine!” he shouted.

 

I found myself staring at the ceiling the moment I woke up the following Tuesday morning. I winced and let out a low groan at the slight twinge in my head as I closed my eyes and put a hand to my forehead.

I slowly rose from the linen sofa, staring at my bare feet on the floor. I remembered having about three orders of peach fizz last night and probably getting a little tipsy. The headache was manageable; it was just annoying.

I slowly stood up, noticing the barely tidied bed at the other side of the room already empty. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was half past nine in the morning.

I scratched my hair and made my way to the kitchen. I saw Yumi under the small dining table, following me with her beady gaze. I proceeded to the fridge when I saw a small note pinned on it.

 

I usually leave the house at 8.

There's some leftover pizza in the fridge.

I left you an extra key on the table.

 

I scratched my head again as I looked at the table and saw a small silver key. I faced the fridge again and opened it, spotting the box of pizza and taking it out. I placed it on the table and opened it.

"Ugh, geez," I groaned, immediately closing it again. I didn't even recognize what was inside. Whatever it was, it was starting to look like a living thing.

I pulled out a chair and sat down, miserably staring at the cat on the floor.

"How can you live with that slob?" I muttered. I watched her, almost hopeful she would talk back to me. She merely meowed.

I buried my head in my arms on the table and sighed.

 

Giving up flipping channels, I dropped the remote control on the sofa next to me and stopped on a cooking show, watching a woman frying salmon on a pan smeared with butter.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and yawned. It was four in the afternoon, and I was as dead bored as I could get.

I stared at that buttered salmon and heard my stomach rumble. I got to live on a cup noodle I scavenged in my cousin's kitchen cabinets, but that was earlier this morning.

I turned off the television, rising from the couch and scratching my head. I didn't think there was anything else edible inside this apartment.

I slipped into yesterday's clothes and walked to the kitchen, grabbing the small key on the table.

"I'll just go out for a while," I said to the cat that followed me on my way to the door as I grabbed my sling bag and stepped into my sneakers. Yumi merely stared at me as I locked the door and closed it behind me. I made my way down the corridor, slinging my bag over my left shoulder.

I proceeded down the stairs and arrived at the first floor, making my way out and looking down the street. I knew better than to go out in a place I've barely known for two days, but I was starving and I needed to stretch my legs anyway. Besides, I didn't have a bad sense of direction, or so I like to think.

I decided to go right and began walking. My cousin's apartment was situated on a small street, the kind where cars don't usually pass by. I saw a small playground from across me until I reached a small intersection and headed left.

It didn't take long before I saw a convenience store. I stepped inside and heard the greetings by the cashier. I grabbed a basket and began strolling down the aisles. I wonder if this store happened to sell salmon.

I made my way to the drinks section after grabbing a bag of chips. I had only taken out a bottle of lemon soda when I saw a guy cornering a girl at the other end of the aisle. He had his back towards me with a hand on the glass fridge. He was wearing the uniform of a gas station attendant.

"I'm free this Thursday night," he said. His voice sounded familiar. "What do you say?"

"So soon?" The girl pouted as she touched the hem of his sleeve. I saw her uniform and realized she was one of the workers in the store. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? I have to go on night shift this Thursday..."

I blinked and cleared my throat. "Shin-chan."

The man turned around and looked at me. He stood up straighter in surprise. "Hey."

The girl he was with looked at me and creased her forehead. "Who is she?"

"Ah, my cousin," he grinned. "Hitomi, this is Ayaka."

I curtly nodded at her. She briefly smiled at me.

"Mochizuki," Someone I couldn't see from the next aisle said in a stern voice. "Get back to work."

"I'm taking a break," She puffed her cheeks.

"You're flirting with a customer," The man stated. Her face fell to a scowl.

"Whatever," She rolled her eyes. She hmphed and turned on her heel, ruefully facing my cousin again.

"Sorry," she frowned. "I'll talk to you later."

"I got it," he smiled, tapping her chin and sending her smiling again. "I'll talk to him, okay?"

"Your friend is such a jerk," she grumbled. "He should be thankful he's your friend!"

The girl named Ayaka left without another word, marching her way past me to the backroom at the other end. My cousin merely scratched his head as I walked past him and made my way to the cashier.

"This is different from the one you were talking to yesterday, right?" I asked as I placed my basket on the counter. The man merely grinned at me as I hopelessly shook my head. "You haven't changed at all."

The guy who had scolded the girl named Ayaka emerged from the aisle behind me and made his way to the counter to get my basket. He wore a green hat and apron, and placed his price tagging gun to the side as he began sliding the items on the sensor.

"Hey Ryou, you didn't have to be so mean to Ayaka earlier," My cousin began, leaning a hand on the counter. "She was just taking a break, you know?"

"That will be 578 yen," The man named Ryou said. I began fishing out several coins from my pocket.

"Oh, this is my cousin, by the way," Shin-chan said, as if the previous conversation ceased to exist as he placed a hand on top of my head. I grumbled as I placed my coins on the counter.

"Your change is 22 yen," Ryou said, handing me my change. I looked at him and saw coffee black eyes staring back at me. His short, black hair was obscured by the hat on his head, and seemed to have a perpetual grimace on his face the way he looked so serious. He had a strong jaw that matched the slight scowl on his mouth. I figure he looked scary when angry. 

"What are you doing here anyway?" My cousin asked me. "There's still food in the fridge."

"Yeah, and whatever it is, it looks like it will come to life soon."

"Oh," The man blinked. "Really?"

My right eye twitched in irritation.

"Let's go home," he chirped, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as he looked at the food that Ryou had finished placing inside a plastic bag. "What did you buy?"

"Ow, you’re heavy...!" I grunted, struggling. "Get off me!"

"I'll see you around, Ryou!" My cousin called out, waving to the man at the cashier as he began dragging me with him to the exit.

 

"The next station is Ebisu, Ebisu station..."

I gripped the side railing more firmly in my hand as the train began to slow down. At quarter past seven in the morning, the JR Yamanote Line that was bound for the next station was already jam-packed with passengers.

It was the following Monday morning a week later, and it was my first day of school at the university. The campus was just two stations from Shibuya, so it wasn't too hard.

The train doors finally opened, and I felt the surge of passengers coming in and out. From my stance near the door I saw a high school girl quickly running towards us. Nobody in the crowded train was willing to move for her, so I just tried to squeeze myself a bit more to the side so she could have a spot to stand on.

"Thank you..." she breathlessly said as she managed to squish herself inside. I curtly nodded and returned my gaze to the window as she stood close to my right. The train began to move again.

I thought it was just my imagination, but I began to feel that high school girl looking at me from the corner of my eye. I ignored it and kept looking out the window, but it began to bother me, so I decided to look back.

She really was looking. She flinched in surprise, but she held her glance and smiled.

At that moment I thought, was she being nice because of what I did? It was probably her way of thanking me, but then she started to flutter her eyelids at me.

"The next station is Meguro, Meguro station..."

I returned my gaze to the window. The train began to slow down once more. I saw my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing a green cardigan and denim jeans. Minus the absence of breasts because I had none to begin with, I looked perfectly female. Okay, so maybe it was the hair, but didn't girls have short hair too?

The train finally stopped. The doors opened, and I got out without another thought.

Damn this city.

 

"Now as you all know, before the 1920s computers referred to real people, not machines. Computers were clerks, mostly women who performed various mathematical calculations, and worked in fields such as commerce and research..."

Slumping back to my chair, I idly glanced at the professor discussing up front and fought the urge to yawn. Of course, after the whole getting to know your school and your teachers thing, classes would begin with the usual introductions, and first day began with a lecture on the history of computer science. Not that I was complaining. At least I wasn't being made to do anything.

I shifted in my seat, accidentally knocking my pen off in the process. I had only bent down to pick it up when someone already took it for me.

"Thanks," I murmured to the girl beside me. She briefly smiled in return as I sat up straighter in my seat.

"Sorry, I didn't get your name."

I looked at her again and creased my forehead. "Sorry?"

"Oh, oops," The girl giggled. "I'm Suzume Kozuki. You are?"

"Oh," I blinked, feeling stupid. "Hitomi Suzuhara. Hi."

"Nice to meet you," she smiled. I meekly smiled at her in return.

 

"Oh, so you came all the way from Nagasaki?" Suzume's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. I've always wanted to go there."

"Yeah?" I sheepishly scratched my head as I took a sip of my iced coffee. "Where are you from?"

"Oh, I'm a Tokyo girl," she smiled. "Born and raised here. I live pretty close, in Yotsuya."

I could only nod at her, since I didn't really know where that was. Then again, I've barely lasted two weeks here. I had a lot to work on.

It was two hours later after class and the both of us were currently in a small bakeshop near our school. I wasn't really good with first time encounters, so it was pretty awkward for me to be having coffee with Ms. Kozuki already, considering I just met her this afternoon.

"So where are you staying now?" she asked. I had been staring at my slice of shortcake when I looked at her again.

"Oh," I blinked. "In Shibuya, with my cousin."

"I see," she slowly nodded, reaching for her glass of iced tea and taking a sip from her straw. "Well that's convenient."

I looked around the shop. It was a quaint store with pink walls and orange lights, and had a strangely nice ambiance to it as a pop song played in the background.

"So why did you choose to take up computer science?" she asked, placing her elbows on the table and clasping her hands. I looked at her again and pursed my lips in thought.

"I don't know, I like computers," I scratched my chin. "I play games, fix bugs..."

Yeah, I live an awesome life.

"I see," she nodded again, smiling as she looked at my plate. "Try the shortcake. It's delicious."

"Oh," I blinked, picking up the small fork and taking a portion. I placed my fork down and nodded in approval. "It's good."

"Good," she giggled. "Consider it my treat."

"What? You don't have to," I sat up straighter in my seat. "I'll pay for it."

"No, consider it free," she winked. "I work here."

"Oh," I blinked in response. "Well that's nice."

"This is a new store," Suzume looked around the shop and smiled. "We're still pretty short on staff, but the owner's really nice. I get to take home free cake everyday!"

"Cool," I laughed.

"Yeah, it's near the school too, so I don't have to rush," she grinned. "I feel kinda lucky to have this job."

"Good for you," I nodded. Suzume ushered me to keep eating. I merely took another forkful of my cake.

I wish I could take home free cake everyday too.

 

"I’m home," I said, unlocking the door and stepping inside the apartment later that evening. Yumi meowed at my arrival, staring at the small paper bag in my hand as I made my way to the kitchen. After Suzume introduced me to the owner of the bakeshop, the nice woman insisted that I bring home some free cake with me. I didn't complain.

A man I didn't recognize was with my cousin when I arrived in the kitchen. He was standing by the sink with a can of beer in his hand. He looked like a businessman, and had his coat hanging on one of the chairs. His jet black hair looked like it was once a classic clean cut but now needed a trim.

He looked at me, and for a second I wondered if he was Japanese or not. His eyes were too big, but managed to narrow just enough at the edges. He was tall, but not as tall as Shin-chan, and had a naturally smug look on his albeit good-looking face.

"Ooh, who's this?" he said. "Your brother? Or did you finally get a boyfriend?"

Shin-chan was hounding the insides of his fridge when he hit his head on it.

"F**k!" he groaned, rubbing his head. He looked at me and blinked. "Oh, welcome back, Hitomi."

"Hitomi?" The other man repeated. He had only raised the can of beer to his lips when he stared at me again and ungracefully coughed out his drink two seconds later.

"Shit," He put a hand to his nose and creased his forehead at me. "I'm sorry, my bad."

"I brought cake," I drawled, placing the paper bag on the table. My cousin put a hand on my shoulder, still rubbing the top of his head as he faced me to the other man.

"See, what did I tell you?" he reproachfully said. "Hitomi, this is Kei. Kei, this is my cousin. She's staying with me for a while."

Kei had his nose covered with tissue when he brought his full gaze to me. I noticed that his eyes were a shade of dark gray.

"I'm sorry about that, Miss," he sheepishly grinned. "I didn't notice."

I merely blinked at him.

"Um, anyway, I'm going ahead now," The man uneasily cleared his throat, grabbing for his coat as he motioned to leave the room. "I'll see you next week, man."

"Okay," My cousin sang as Kei closed the door behind him and wordlessly left.

"Who the hell is that guy?" I grumbled.

"Aw," He patted my head. "He's a good friend of mine."

"What was he doing here?" I frowned.

"Oh, he dropped off his amp," My cousin said, opening the paper bag I had brought with me. "He's getting his place fixed, so he's putting some of his things here for a while. Ooh, cake!"

"That must be convenient for him," I muttered.

"Don't mind him," he grinned, sitting down and opening the plastic box.

"What did he drop off? An amp?" I creased my forehead as I sat down beside him. "An amplifier?"

"Yeah," he replied, grabbing a fork and taking a mouthful of cake.

"Why does he have an amplifier?" I asked in confusion. "He doesn't look like he plays."

"Because he's in a suit?" he shrugged. "He's vocalist of our band."

"You keep count of all the groups you’ve been in?"

"Yeah, I know," He waved a hand, taking another forkful of his cake. "But you should come watch us sometime. We managed to book a slot for next week."

I blinked. "So how long have you been around with these guys?"

"Since last year," He playfully twirled his fork. "But I've been going around for a while now. This is like the fourth bunch of guys I've been with since I came here."

My eyebrows met after a brief silence. "So how's it like? What music do you guys play?"

"Well, we're a visual band," he shrugged.

I stared at him again. "Seriously? Somehow I can't imagine you dressing up, or that guy."

"You'll be surprised," he grinned.

I leaned back to my chair. "Well, that’s great. So how's it going?"

"I don't know, I think we're doing pretty well," he said, nibbling on his fork. "I mean, compared to the guys I've been with before, I think I'm with a pretty good group right now."

I smiled. "Invite me to a gig sometime."

"Yeah, you can come watch us next week," he beamed. "You can hang with us backstage too."

I took another fork from the paper bag and took a portion of the cake.

Six years later, I follow my cousin to Tokyo to study in a university. He's a college drop-out, lives with a fat cat, and has a band.

I wish I could live an interesting life too.