The Serpent Cycle

The life, even in the skies, goes round in a cycle

While fighting with blazing arrows
And struggling against the mighty beast
Born in hell, and raised by the devil
On the dead and withered, they feast

Minions of the demons, they rise
Crawl out of the raging, fiery fire
They rip out the souls of angels, unaffected
By the soothing tune of the lyre

But the devil falls,
When the lightning of Zeus commands
In this chaos remains unheard, unheeded
The child crying in his mother's hands

While his father, the Gods keep fighting on
His mother, the Earth bleeds out
Into the ocean of tears, fed by rivers
Of fear, strife, arson and agony, shouts

And screams the name of the Lord for help
While the serpent strikes them down, as just
The wings of fire has burnt itself out
Reduced to ashes, the Phoenix crumbles to dust

But the circle of life remains incomplete
Until a fire from the ashes rise, a spark
Will start the symphony of the Phoenix
And rescue the night from the dark

That child is now young, and crisp
The Prince of the Castle of heaven
He picks up his bow and arrow and fires
As he had done, last night in sweven

The battle between the Gods and Devils
For ages has been going on and on
Like the serpent biting its own tail
In this cycle, the next Prince is born

Reviews

[Knight, not a Saint]

Out of this friggin' world man!!!.....phod dia tu!!
Simply amazing!!....Great imagery I have to say, completely evokes the sensation of a war of epic proportions. The flow is just brilliant and does its job perfectly well.
Congrats....this piece deserves to be where it is today.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

thanks a lot Deepesh bhaiya !!!
It means a lot :)

[Sid]

Sweet poem...loved the imagery and the rich details. You have done a great job with such an ambitious poem to do with mythology...good work!!

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a lot sid !

[Bhavya Kaushik]

The flow and the structure of this piece is very appealing. It has a very well defined form, which I appreciate a lot in any writing. The theme of this piece is ofcourse off my forte, because I do not write on subjects like this, but I have to admit - It was really appealing to me, and there was something very magnetic about it, which forced me to sink in the depth of your work.
"That child is now young, and crisp
The Prince of the Castle of heaven"
Though the entire poem is rich in imagery, but I found this couplet very attractive, because of its symbolism and great imagery sense.
The coda of it, concluded the entire piece is a very subtle and rich manner, leaving the reader to build castles of their own.
Overall, a great piece with beautiful thoughtfulness. Bravo!

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a ton for this awesome review ! ! !

[Aehr]

I think you've actually done a very good job with this one. Only that the second lasst word im the second line of the second paragraph seems ver obvious. Fire will be fiery pof course. Also in the fourth paragraph, are you talking about zeus's parents? That's a teensy-weensy bit unclear.

those were the cons. But over-all, its an amazing poem with the best possible ending. I also like the title a lot.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a lot! And yeah I guess I did mess up the clarity a bit too, I am bad with mythology actually .

[Aehr]

hmm...

[B30]

Personally well thought of, and well-drafted. The thought of it all paints an imagination in one's mind and I can see it all happening as it transitions between each line.

My favourite stanza is nonetheless the last one, and made me wonder much about it. And though I'm not very particular about the flow, the information and detail pretty much makes up for it.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks for the review :)

[Pratik]

This is very well written indeed.. I agree with Marie, this has a perfect flow... The fact that you wrote this in a mythological backdrop, keeping intact all the traditional pieces of poetry makes it all the more apt because that is what this genre demands ( even though I can't claim to have ever delved into this particular genre )... There's nothing much for me to dissect; its a very enjoyable piece... well done :)

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a lot !!!

[Marie]

I don't know if you've already taken lothiorienwriter's advice or not, but I find nothing to edit in this poem. All its stanzas flow together to a fitting conclusion.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thank you ma'am ! I did make some slight changes in the 2nd and 3rd stanza ...

[lothlorienwriter]

There is a good poem waiting to get out of these words if am frank and ernest. Am aware of what your trying to a achieve. When you read it out loud as I always do the poem sounds a little clumsy and rushed. I believe a good old fashioned edit, perhaps condense the poem a little and you will end up with a masterpiece.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thank you for the advice ! I'd certainly do that :)