Over The Horizon

The life and dreams of everyone who holds back something for some reason ...

Waking up to another dream
Holding on to nothingness in the dark
Knowing not where I am going
The fear of unknown seems so stark

A struggle to free the world
That lies strangled in lies
A struggle to free the freedom
From the clutches before it dies

Now that's got my tails up
I will win back the bout
For the sake of the fallen warriors
I will let the demons out

The Want to fly like a feather
Without a destiny, a goal, a dream
The Want to flow like a river
With the strength to change course of my stream

Is leading a misleading life and chasing the clouds
Like reaching out for the horizon ?
Searching clarity for endless doubts,
Trying to touch the stars and hold the sun ?

If sanity becomes the crime, insanity the cure
I'd rather not live at all
Because the monsters that live around
Love you see you break, see you fall

Now that's got all mixed up
I am about to breakdown
But for the sake of my grace
I will never wince, never frown

Reviews

[Lino Rie]

Nice poem. I would put you in the finals but i can only pic four pieces of writing and though your writing is fantastic it does not fight the main them. Fights. don't let not winning stop you from writing because it was an amazing piece of work.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a lot for the review amd the motivation !

[rnuff]

A struggle to free the world
That lies strangled in lies
A struggle to free the freedom
From the clutches before it dies

This has a certain depth to it here, very nicely written and presented.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thank you :)

[Shubham's View]

Amazing bit of writing, a little more order among the chaos wouldn't hurt though, my favourite part would be

"Now that's got my tails up
I will win back the bout
For the sake of the fallen warriors
I will let the demons out"

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks for the review and suggestions ! I'll reflect on it.

[P.S.Chance]

I am very impressed with this writing. My favorite verse is, "the want to fly like a feather - without a destiny, a goal, a dream - The want to flow like a river - With the strength to change the course of my stream. very nice.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thank you so much !

[Craba]

If sanity becomes the crime, insanity the cure
I'd rather not live at all
Because the monsters that live around
Love you see you break, see you fall

I really loved this part, amazing.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

:)

[New Dawn]

I enjoyed this piece of writing although I found it a little confusing in in the middle. However overall I loved the emotion of the writing and especially liked ' for the sake of the fallen warriors i will let the demons out' Also the idea of being a river and able to change course - brilliant :)

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thank you :)

[gloomysundays]

Okay, I see you've deleted my last review and I've received your message to re-review it. I will do so but unfortunately, I have not brought good news with me.

"A struggle to free the world
That lies strangled in lies
A struggle to free the freedom
From the clutches before it dies"

This part in your poem makes absolutely no sense. I think the fact that I gave you a somewhat negative review made you panic and edit in a hurry, making you entirely unconscious regarding what you were writing.

I like that you fixed the rhyming issues of without and out. I think it just feels like a big jumbled mess at this point. It's inconsistent and just kind of bugs me that it went from an "okay" poem to a "what is going on here?" one.

Don't pressure yourself into making it perfect for everyone's tastes because everyone has different tastes. Write so that YOU are okay with it. I just gave my opinion last time.

Cheers.
37/100

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Firstly, your review got deleted by mistake. I didnt do because you gave a negative review. i joined this site to improve myself and not get positive reviews.
Secondly the stanza you are talking about was there the last time too, I added the last but one stanza later. And as far as that stanza making no sense is concerned, let me explain...
This poem is about dreams, realistic or unrealistic, doesnt matter. Here I am talking about the one thing that I want to do in my lifetime..
Still, thank you for reviewing it again, I appreciate your response and am waiting for the next one :)

[gloomysundays]

I didn't think it was because i gave you a negative review. I assumed that it was because you wanted me to give you a new one? But alright.

I'm not saying it doesn't sound "realistic" as you say. i simply said it makes no sense. Unfortunately, I don't remember what I wrote last time so i don't recall exactly what i pointed out. i review at least 5 to 8 pieces a day so I'm sorry that i could recall yours.

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Its not a problem :)

[Knight, not a Saint]

"A struggle to free the world
That lies strangled in lies
A struggle to free the freedom
From the clutches before it dies"
Fantastic......This piece of art made u a winner in a recent contest & deservedly so!!...very good!!

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Thanks a lot !