Inadequacy

Words are too frivolous for some emotions

I've been spinning silken words

For quite a while now

A tireless spider weaving web upon web

Persevering upon the path of perceived Glory:

A prize with all the permanence of a dandelion

And I have failed

I have failed for I cannot harness sunlight to paint laughter 

Nor command the dark clouds to rain sorrow

Not if the oceans themselves flowed through my story

Could they match the eloquence of the tempest within

I have glimpsed it

the Hand that strewed galaxies around at Birth

And somewhere between the opening and closing of that fist

My tempest has carved a tribute: boundless and eternal

But my silk is inadequate.

Reviews

[Robbie~xoxo~]

OH MY GOODNESS!!! This is STUNNING!!
You are more than adequate to spin your silken words, dear Shreyas... (sigh)

This is immaculate... you are one of my favorite writers here (The best of the BEST)..
I find your words to be an inspiration, no matter how you weave it...

Your tapestry is a colorful masterpiece, whether it is filled with dark or bright shades of emotion,
YOU have perfected the art of Poetry...your universal words resonate in my heart, thoughts which touch me deeply...

Beautiful!....into my faves~xoxo~:)

[Augustus]

Well, what can I say? I'm overwhelmed, Robbie! I can't thank you enough for your generous words. You say I have perfected the art of poetry. Truth be told, I would never be able to master erotica the way you have, even if I am given several lives. It is immensely gratifying for me to have such a discerning reviewer and talented writer hold my work in such high esteem. You certainly made my day! Well, it's past midnight here, so you've made my tomorrow as well! :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

It's my pleasure to read your work of art!... You have made "tomorrow" something to look forward to. :)

[Aethereal]

I enjoyed your spider web metaphor, and the structure of your easly understood poem. You're developing your poetic signiture style. What weave may we conceive to describe the depths of our mind? Perhaps it's better to use words to trigger mental events than to describe mental events. A spider's web often triggers a sense of beauty, and sometimes fear.

[Augustus]

Thank you very much for your thought-provoking review!

[Aethereal]

You're welcome! Your poem is a like a clear balanced equation with words representing constants, variables, and functions. It ticks along like a tiny well oiled machine.

[Augustus]

Haha! Maybe my Physics education rubs off on my poetry! :)

[Aethereal]

It does! I'm aware of this because I'm a Mathematician. I've studied Quantum Mechanics, and Physical Chemistry as Math Electives.

[Augustus]

Yes of course. I remember you telling me you're a mathematician a long time back. You are extremely adept at rhyme schemes. :)

[Aethereal]

I'm a computer programmer too. No one could write code better than I when I was in college. I was the one everyone came to when they were stuck. I enjoy writing poetry more than I like writing computer code. Most computer code is written in India these days, and they’re welcomed to it, for I have other fish to fry.

[AprilRN1210]

I absolutely love this.... Your use of language here is stunning and leaves me wanting more.

"I have failed for I cannot harness sunlight to paint laughter/Nor command the dark clouds to rain sorrow." I have to say, my favorite lines in the poem-pure magic... I have been told it is the mark of a great writer to feel inadequate about their work always wanting to do better, to do more...

[Augustus]

Thank you so much for your kind review!

[AprilRN1210]

My pleasure.

[thedaydreamer]

Wow! The way you reflect on the silk that you weave through your words is amazing. The voice inside you is strong and highly entropic, and it wants its way out but in some way the words that you churn do not do justice to their intensity or meaning. The message is clear and nicely depicted. The personification of words like Glory, Hand, Birth seems magical.

Specially loved the concluding lines where you compare the hand that weaves these words with someone supernatural, and say that even though your words serve as a tribute to the boundless and eternal that lives within, it's still insufficient or inadequate, as you say it.

My only critic would be get rid of the dots "...." as somehow they show incompleteness in thought, which I don't see here.

Having said that I don't know if I have the "adequacy" to critic such a good piece of work. Lovely.

[Augustus]

Thanks a lot for your insightful review! I put in the dots to invite the reader to pause and ponder, but I'll consider removing them if they are too big a distraction.

[Augustus]

I removed the dots. It seems other people share your opinion. Thank you for helping me improve. :)

[Zahra]

this is beautiful, deeply touching. Loved this piece

[Augustus]

Thank you so much!