A Farewell

These crumpled petals linger, dry and frail
A brittle souvenir of days long past
Their rosy perfume lost, the odour stale
A memory too afraid to breathe its last

For it was Spring back then, and butterflies
Could serenade the dew on blades of grass
And under Helios' watchful eyes
No semblance of a shadow could trespass

'Twas emptiness for me, despite the bloom
A distant song of chirps, and twittering
No feathered touch, no variegated plume
No love, for it was someone else's Spring

I wish that Rose may never bloom again
Nor should the old clock sound its backward chime
My vessel I have wrecked on rocks of pain
May it be swallowed whole by seas of Time!

And so I give my petals to this breeze
And may it take them swiftly where it must
Some burdens carried long, can only cease
To be; when moments crumble into dust

Reviews

[Augustus]

This is a famous poem to me already ;-) I once remember my sister quoted some of your lines... and she's right, this is a perfect piece of true and beautiful serene poetry my friend... so rich, and filled with gorgeous metaphors, of nature, and the love and pain hidden in between it.
Fantastic writing here... saved....

-Elisa

[Augustus]

Thank you so much Elisa! You made my day!

The pleasure is all mine my friend. I will be back for more of your pieces.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

"And so I give my petals to this breeze
And may it take them swiftly where it must
Some burdens carried long, can only cease
To be; when moments crumble into dust"~ This is stunning, Shreyas!!

(If ever I close my account on WC (for good), I would totally quote this)

This is timeless my friend!
Poetry such as this is held in high regard... it speaks volumes....
I felt the emotional pain, a dying love, of release, of finally letting go...

Sheer perfection!~xoxo~

[Augustus]

Wow! To be quoted is the highest honour a poet can hope for. "a dying love, of release, of finally letting go"..exactly what I wanted to convey! Hey, maybe you should be the one doing a PhD in Psychology. Or do you have one already? Can't thank you enough for this wonderful review, Robbie!!!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Well, I used to be a Therapist. lol ;)
It's truly a pleasure to read your work of art.. this is a masterpiece.~xoxo~:)

[Augustus]

Therapist, interesting...what sort? You honour me, Robbie. Blushing... :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

You don't want to know.. lol ;D
The pleasure is all mine.. you are an exquisite writer. You should get published if you haven't already. (I'd certainly buy the book) xx :)

[Augustus]

I'm glad you think so, Robbie. And I value your opinion. I've always been satisfied with the pleasure I derive from sharing my poetry with friends: on WC as well as outside...So never considered publishing my work. But I might do it... If I do publish, I'll gift you a copy. You won't have to buy it. :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

awwww Thank you! Will you sign it? :D
WC is a great venue for displaying your talent, but your readers should also have the opportunity hold your words in their hands....I'm just sayin'. lol

[Augustus]

I have an ugly signature, but if you insist.. :P I'll definitely give publishing a serious thought. My family wants it too..

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Yay!...Doctors always do.. lol
Please seriously think about it... xx :)

[Augustus]

I'm not that kind of doctor. :P
Yes I will!!!!

[Robbie~xoxo~]

well neither am I....lol ;P
Great!...I'll be watching you! (not in a stalkish way) LOL :D

[KAin]

A well written poem, striking a perfect, delicate balance between romance and melancholy.
There's a sense of deep loneliness and memory in this poem, and a wish for a past to be reborn. Powerful metaphor backed up with delicate references to myth reinforce the themes in this poem - the use of the words 'Time', 'Rose', and 'Spring' in proper noun form conveys to me these images half-remembered gods, whose ideas live on in metaphor, but whose appearance can only be guessed at with vagaries - there's a bit of pseudomyth developing throughout the poem, which is part of what makes it so strong.
Great work, Augustus!

[Augustus]

Thanks a lot for your highly insightful review Landred!

[Abdul Aziz]

You are the master on writing poems Palgrave would have given an arm and a leg for. I always am astonished by your capacity to weave grand, almost epic, poems, and yet leave no room for cliche. There's always a big sentiment lurking in your poems, but it is cloaked in such elaborate word play that the search for the sentiment becomes as important as the sentiment itself. Some of the phrases you employ are simply beyond the reach of many of us.
"serenade the dew on blades of grass", "no feathered touch, no variegated plume", "when moments crumble to dust". I think these phrases knocked the stuffing out of me.
Though this is a topic oft written about, I have not come upon any poems that deal with it so directly and yet so imaginatively.

If I could, though, I might have a couple of suggestions to make:
1. "Helios" looks out of place in this poem. I may be entirely wrong, but when you have used such elegant vocabulary all throughout the poem, using this name for the sun feels at touch out of place, and also occludes the rhythm a little, even if it fits in the meter.
2. "on rocks of pain" seems a touch too mawkish, when compared to the rest of the poem. Make no mistake, I would love to see people use the word "pain" in as grand a context as you have done here, but I feel it can be better modified to suit the tone of the poem. Again, this is a totally subjective opinion :)

Thank you for this awesome poem about reminiscence. May we get the strength to craft better days ourselves, so that we can reminisce fondly about them, rather than wistfully, in the future :)

[Augustus]

I can't thank you enough for your fabulous review. I am humbled by the praise. And I will give serious thought to the constructive criticism. If I do find better substitutes in the places that you have suggested, I shall immediately include them in the poem. Thanks a ton, Abdul!

[Abdul Aziz]

You are most welcome!

[asdarkeyesclose]

'For it was Spring back then, and butterflies
Could serenade the dew on blades of grass'

i really like romantic poetry and it is difficult to find these days. i loved the air of melancholy in this, the year is just starting to turn and summers roses begin to die although this was an eloquent metaphor for something far more personal than a mere scattering of petals. i loved the way you developed the theme, quite magical and the beautiful tones of this poem. fantastic.

[Augustus]

Thank you Beth! Your reviews are always cherished.

[Johanna]

Wow..this is amazing, words together that make magic. Great job! such a breathtaking poem that had be from the first line

[Augustus]

Thank you Johanna!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is a very well written piece of poetry...yes, burdens carried for a long time...cease in their time, not ours...and often leave us crumbled into dust...they wear away at us, and cause us to erode.

the petals of troubles...given to the breeze with the hope...they will be carried away.

[Augustus]

Thank you so much Jacob!