Unrequited

Why must the Sun God love the earth in vain?
He burns her though his heart is not unkind
His core pulsates in icy waves of pain
Horizons but exist inside his mind

Too often distance mutilates the seed
Of nascent love: no sapling can mature
A famine of indifference chokes its need
A long and silent passing to endure

I too have chased that doe in woods of mist
A game of light and shadows midst the trees
Her dagger's thrust was soft, and sweet its twist
I wait now for the crimson flow to cease

Forever lost! My book's forgotten page
Forever mine! In my amethyst cage

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' I too have chased that doe in woods of mist ~ A game of light and shadows midst the trees .. '

I'm always amazed by the way you weave a tale through such beautifully structured verse, and, with such fine use of vocabulary and phrasing. As you know, my scribbles are in free verse but so envy your incredibile skill you have with traditional style.

Somehow you've made unrequieted love quite stunning!

[Augustus]

All smiles :) :) :) Can't thank you enough... It is such a pleasant surprise for me in this age to find a person who "envies" my skill with traditional style. Structured verse is a dying art and it needs a helping hand from discerning people like you for it to be received more favourably.

Although in your case, I don't understand the envy part at all. You write as well or better without using rhyme or meter. If anything you should be mocking me and feeling smug. :P

[emmajoy]

Laughing... we're creating a mutual admiration society... though think you'll have to be its President! Honestly, I do admire people who write in the accepted and 'traditional' manner yet still retain a flow of language when telling a story. I can't do that, have tried; have read THE poets and still can't. So maybe that's why when i read 'real' poetry i understand the care, time and skill involved. Mind you there are poets in here and elsewhere whose free or blank verse is exquisite so i guess its the best of the best that should be held up as example.

[Augustus]

Better mutual admiration than mutual jealousy, don't you think Emma? Especially in the light of what WC seems to be going through these days.....
But jokes apart, I feel you're right. Indeed, I have reviewed a fair bit of exquisite poetry in free verse. Poetic merit is independent of form. It is just that each poet at some point finds his/her niche or unique style, which may or may not employ structure. It so happens that mine is built around traditional elements and my personal best poetry is produced that way. Others obviously have different strengths.

[Sheila Kline]

I have been drawn to your poems while scanning the home page and list of new writers, etc. and note the top reviewers with your name added so I am here to one of your pieces which proves to be a perfect 10 count - wonderful structure which I so admire! I rarely write in free verse and too prefer the structured pieces and those of Keats and others you mention in your home page notes.
Your write in addition to being of exceptional structure is full of emotion and to couple the emotion with excellent rhyme gives it even more meaning to me. The couplet at the end is one to remember.
Beautiful!!
p.s. Do you review the work of Rick Puetter (here on the Cafe)? He is also a physicist, and loves poetry as you do. He writes in perfect structure and rhyme. You would enjoy his work if you are not already familiar with him. He and I did a study of Keat's "Bright Star" which we have posted as a co-write/study.

[Augustus]

Thank you so much for your wonderful review, Sheila! Yes, Rick is one of the many friends I've made here on WC. We have reviewed each others' poetry in the past. If I remember right, I have already reviewed your joint effort with him on Keats' sonnet. I shall read more of your work soon. Thanks again!

[Sheila Kline]

Oh yes!! Now, I do remember your review of our work, and I too thank you for your insightful remarks!! It is always an honor to work with Rick - he is the Master, I am but his student! And he is indeed a dear Writer's Cafe friend to many!!

[joshua deathdealer]

The depth of this piece is simply amazing. Abstract in expression and soft within the imagery. This is inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

[Augustus]

Thank you!

[Ken Simm.]

This rests very specifically within a tradition. Shelley, Byron would all recognise and praise this write. It fits well and runs, as your doe on praiseworthy legs.

[Augustus]

Thanks Ken! :) Shelley and Byron were certainly influences during my formative years. Although I name Wordsworth, Keats and Gray in my profile. I'm glad you think they would appreciate my work. :)

[Pete Langley]

No frantic scrabbling for rhyme or forlorn groping for outlandish metaphor, this....rather, a reasoned, philosophical acceptance of the inevitable result of wishful thinking .... of weaving a frantic mind fantasy attributing it`s subject with all manner of reciprocation. This is a delicious sonnet, Shreyas. P.

[Augustus]

Thanks Pete! :) Wish I could serve it to you for dinner! :D

[Stella Armour]

A beautifully penned sonnet and the content is breathtaking. James directed me to your poetry and i am so pleased that he did....

[Augustus]

Thank you Stella! James mentioned a fellow writer of structured verse. It must be you :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

This is absolutely BREATHTAKING!!... the rhythmic flow of words stream easily through your artful expression (loved the rhyming as well)... You have written this with eloquence, grace, and intelligence...Profound is the "Unrequited" pain you have so beautifully conveyed...Well penned!

[Augustus]

Thank you so much, Robbie! I truly appreciate your words. :)

[Robbie~xoxo~]

My pleasure. :)