Make Up, Break Up

 

I got home after a long sermon at church. I wasn't sure if I was to be respectful about it or if it was more of hypocrisy. It was about bringing in sinners, and accepting them for who they are, just as Jesus would have. I understood the point, it was told really well. It's just, what do you do if someone had sinned after being brought in? If they decided to leave the walk they had? Was it more of a detour for something better with God or was it a stray lamb who would get attacked by the wolves?

I don't know if Brent would be attacked by the wolves quite yet, but I wouldn't know much about what has happened to him anymore. He's been gone since Friday, with no word or message from him. I didn't blame him, he knew his place here. I just couldn't help but wonder how he could stay at his boyfriend's house for that long. Wouldn't his parents find out about him? He'd probably get kicked out just like Brent did. It kind of served some justice in a way.

It's not like it's a big surprise that he would wind up elsewhere. After our family had learned of it, let's just say the steam was barely escaping right now. When dad came home from his trip yesterday, oh man, his face was the darkest crimson I hadn't seen for a long time. I hadn't seen that stress from the old man since Brent and I were caught with friends who were carrying drugs. We were obviously not a part of it, and when we got sent to the juvenile jail overnight, my dad came barging in there yelling at the police. He didn't fear them at all, since he guess what they said had happened wasn't the real story.

Let's just say, they let Brent and I out of there in a hurry. The man who unlocked our cell was shaking so hard it took him maybe four tries to unlock the door. By the second try, you could see him jolting from my dad yelling down to him to unlock it. It was a hilarious sight, and if he couldn't unlock the door and had us stuck there all night, it would have been the greatest moment ever.

Brent wasn't gone for an overnight trip, though. He was definitely relying on someone else to help him. I didn't know why I cared about it. I told him he didn't matter to me anymore and that part was still true. He caused all the arguing in the house, began making my mother a short fuse that was easily set off if not careful, and my father an uptight parent who didn't want to see me turn out the same way Brent did. He didn't have to worry about that, but he still didn't trust the fact that Rachel was a girlfriend, instead of my "best friend trying to cover for me. People do that too many times, and it's too easy to look over." So he said he would be watching us to make sure it was a legit relationship. 

How legit can a couple get? Besides my parents now butting into my social life, they've been angry the whole time he's been gone. I've been out most of the time just to avoid it.

I sat down on my bed, and took in a few deep breaths. As I began to forget about him, I stood up and took out a nice button up shirt to wear this afternoon, with my jeans. I was to head out right after church to meet with Rachel at one to eat at a popular pastries diner on the street that crosses with my school's road. I had never heard of it, but since Rachel suggested it, it probably wasn't something my taste buds would reject.

After passing it twice, I finally found it. I walked in, smelling the fresh aroma of bread rising, and meat being sliced for the sandwiches they sold. She was right, they were good. At least, they had to be since they made everything fresh from when you ordered it. I glanced around, and found Rachel drinking a water, waiting for me to show up.

"Hey babe," I greeted, sitting next to her. I smelled in the aroma of the bakery again, and smiled. "What's good here?"

"Everything," she said, smiling back at me. We got up and stood in line to order.

"So what have you been up to," she asked.

"Nothing really. Just been over Brandon's house most of the weekend. We've been playing video games with some of our friends. How about you?"

"I've just been shopping with Sarah and Remi."

"Did you buy anything?"

"We found some blouses and jackets we liked, and also found a really nice dress for Sarah."

"What's the dress for?"

"Her date this weekend," she flashed a big smile. It was great she found someone she liked.

"Who is he?"

"The boy she's liked for awhile, Matt."

"Our Matt? The one who sits with us in the morning?" She nodded. That was even better for Sarah, even though I didn't really know she like him until now. I only assumed she did, since it wasn't too hard to tell, if you were looking for it.

"How's Brent doing?" Rachel asked. I stammered a bit, and was saved by the cashier.

"How may I help you, sir?"

"Uh, she'll order first," I told her, smiling. Rachel gave her order, that seemed as if it was her regular favorite. I decided to try it as well, since there were too many choices for me to decide without holding up the line. We grabbed the food when it was ready, and sat down. I tried to continue the discussion of Sarah, hoping she wouldn't bring up Brent.

"So where is Matt taking Sarah?"

"To the movies, probably to see that vampire romance flick," I had hoped she continued. "How is Brent, again?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I think I mean, how are you doing with Brent? Do you understand him yet, or are you still upset?"

"Really, Rachel? Do we need to talk about this?" She nodded, and I gave out a sigh of annoyance. "I don't get him."

"What do you mean?"

"I just can't accept it. I mean I tried-"

"Did you really try? It seemed to me on Friday that you were intent of being mad at him. For what reason may I ask?" I didn't answer, even though I wanted to say no. I didn't really want to talk about it, and i never wanted her to bring it up. This was a lunch to enjoy, not to spoil. "Well? Why are you mad at him?"

"The same reason that I said before," I told her. I began to eat my food, causing me to be unable to talk, even if only for a minute or two.

"You mean him hiding things from you? What else did he not tell you about?"

"Well, the fact he has a boy toy of his own." She looked at me confused, and began to form the right question to ask.

"When did this happen?"

"I don't know, i guess last week. I found out about it Friday, when he was walking close with this one guy from our grade. I don't know who he is, but it doesn't matter anyways. Brent wouldn't have told me about it, so I don't need to know his name."

"Are you sure they're dating? I mean, after what you did to him, he needed someone to turn to. Maybe that was his someone." I shook my head. I could tell he was Brent's boyfriend, there was no doubt about it. He doesn't develop close relationships that easily with people he doesn't know too well. "Then whether he is or isn't, it doesn't matter. Is Brent happy with him?"

"He must be. He's probably been visiting him the past few days."

"Well, then you should be happy for him. If he's found someone-" She stopped in mid sentence, and I realized why. I didn't keep my mouth locked down enough. "What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing, nothing! They've just been... hanging out for a long time is all."

"He's not at your house? What happened!" She didn't force it as a question, but as a surprised reaction.

"Not anymore."

"For how long?"

"Until he's back?"

"No. Well, yes. I mean that, and how long has he been gone?" I looked to the bells jingling on the entrance door. I didn't think I could answer her anymore without getting a rise out of her. I guess I had to attempt it.

"He's been gone since Friday..."

"When is he coming back?"

"I don't know." She stared at me, piercing my eyes with a burning feeling.

"You don't know? You don't know!" Her voice was getting louder, but it was a loud whisper so it only grew to a normal sounding voice, for now. I nodded, not wanting to go into the elaborate details of what happened.

"How did this happen?" Maybe I should just stop thinking. Maybe if I didn't think anything, she wouldn't know what to ask me.

"He just left."

"On his own?"

"Yeah," I said, trying to sound convincing.

"With no real place to stay."

"Yes..."

"With no huge amount of money, or things to live on?" I looked down. I lost my confidence, as she shot down the lie I tried to make her follow. It didn't even work for more than a few seconds. "Well?"

"What?"

"Why did he really leave?"

"My mom must have upset him."

"How could your mom have anything to do with it?" I looked at her, not meaning to and she found the answer in my eyes. "You didn't!" I looked down.

"You did! Why did you do that? What were you thinking?!" Her voice began to raise again, this time it didn't seem like it planned to stop escalating.

"I was mad, okay! Him and his stupid boyfriend crossed my apathetic line. I couldn't just let him go on with it, and me be the only one knowing. I had to get it off my chest and tell someone!"

"I thought that's why you told me?!"

“Well, I did..." I stopped, trying not to be caught up in my anger. She made it difficult not to be.

"But?" I didn't want to say it. She kept trying to bring it out of me. "But?!"

"You didn't agree with me! You took that sniveling sob story's side instead of your own boyfriend's. You went too soft on him. No wonder they say that the women have to depend on the man's strength."

"You did not say that," she said through clenched teeth. I could see her knuckles go white, and when I looked down to my own hands, mine were showing bone as well. I couldn't deny saying it, nor could I deny that I thought it was true. I couldn't say it out loud, in fear of what she might decide to do. "Is that what I really am to you? Some... weak link in this relationship?"

"No! Of course not." I assured her, catching myself in the actions we were taking into now. "That's not what I meant. I just meant, you shouldn't have taken his side."

"Why not? His side is just as good as any, except yours. It better than your disgusting side."

"You shouldn't take a queer's side. I've told you, he's wrong." She got up, not caring about the others in the restaurant anymore.

"This is why no one wants to befriend you!" She said, yelling at me this time. Her words echoed off the vacant, mural walls. "You find your place, and you can take me back."

"Rachel, please sit..." I looked around and saw half the faces in the room look at her, and the other half looking at me. There was a varying degree of confusion, curiosity, and humor in each of them. She looked around behind her following where my eyes were leading.

"Am I embarrassing you Jack Lewis?"

"No! I was just-"

"I know what you were just doing. I was just leaving, but not before I just do this..." She lifted my plate and dropped it on my head. The sticky mayonnaise ran in my hair as tomatoes, bread and ham stuck to me. All other ingredients fell into my lap or the booth. By now, many faces were snickering. Rachel walked out the door, and I sat there in shock. I removed the pieces of food off of me, and ran out after her.

"Wait," I said, grabbing her hand. She removed it from my grip but still stood there with crossed arms, and a tapping foot, waiting for me to talk. "Are you really ending our relationship?"

She laughed. I couldn't believe it but she was laughing out loud, and bent over grabbing her sides. I stood there dazed, unsure how to talk to her when she was laughing about a break up. She eventually stopped, and looked up. When she saw my expression more clearly, she explained.

"If you don't know me dumping a plateful of chips and a sandwich is the ending of a relationship, I'm surprised to see if you knew we were going out in the first place. Or at least how dramatic you can make a break up."

"This is Brent's doing, not mine. C'mon Rachel, don't leave without talking to me."

"We talked enough in there." She turned and headed to her car. This time I didn't follow. I had to let her relax and let me figure out what to do to get her back. If she wanted me to mend my friendship with Brent, then I didn't think I could do so. No matter how much I loved Rachel, this was Brent's fault again. If we didn't have the discussion of Brent's own personality problems, we would be relaxing and eating a nice dessert by now. Instead of me on the street with mayonnaise in my hair, mustard on my shoulders, and my arm feeling extremely cold from having no one to hold onto.

I went to my own car, feeling alone and dirty standing on the curb in my current state. I reached for my phone, and four numbers into dialing Rachel's number, I canceled it. I was going to give her time, not to mention give myself more time. I started the car, and headed home so I could clean up. I became exhausted on my way, and decided after a shower, I would definitely be able to use a nap to help me sleep on what had happened.

I arrived home, and entered in the front door so I could go straight to my room. As I was unlocking the door I could hear voices on the other side, and when I opened it they were more clear. Well one of them was-my father's voice. He was yelling, and the screams carried down to the hall. The second voice was one I couldn't recognize. I wasn't even sure if they were talking coherently, or if my day was yelling at a business partner over his phone. The speaker must have been pretty loud for me to remotely hear it downstairs, but I guess you can never be sure how high the speaker phone setting goes.

I went upstairs, and headed for my room first so I wouldn't disturb him. I assumed he would be in his office, or bedroom, but when I got upstairs the sound came from the opposite hallway of both rooms. I turned to enter my room, and found the noise was coming from there. It was directed towards a blond boy cowering near him, not wanting to stand next to him, face to face.