A Second Rescuer, A Second Home

 

I got home, not wanting to face Jack, but feeling a little easier about it. The afternoon with Chad seemed to help calm my nerves, and I believed it’s because of when he talks. He has that emotion in his voice that’s soothing and soft. It’s my cushion of protection, now that I walk through the door to my own house. I hang onto the memory of the voice I’ve recently grown to know, so I can breathe regularly.

I walked up the stairs, at a moderately slow pace, and then turned to go into my room. Jack was sitting down at the computer surfing across the web, looking at meaningless information. I took an extra deep breath before I started to talk to him.

“Jack…” I exhaled from the deep breath. He turned to look at me, in slight surprise, but it quickly turned into complete indifference. 

“Hello, twerp.” I felt my face cringe as he said this. He has called me twerp many times, so it was a familiar nickname. However, in this voice, he said it with a scowl that no longer made it an obvious nickname. “What are you here for?”

“To talk to you.” Maybe hit you a few times to knock the sense into you.

“Then talk.”

“Why do you have such a problem?”

“You know why.”

“That’s not any reason. If you calmly-”

“Do not finish that. If you think I can calmly talk about that then you have gone off the deep end. You know how I feel about it, and you know I wish I knew how you did now. Apparently before was a lie.”

“Is that why you’re so pissed? Because you believe I lied to you?”

“Yeah. I fail to see how, someone else can be told the truth but I get the short end of the stick. You could have told me first. You could have at least not done this to me at all! I’m no longer related to you. You’ve turned on me, and that’s something a brother cannot appreciate lightly.”

“I did not turn on you, nor did I go behind your back! Why do you not understand I was prodded out of it, and I only accepted it when she assumed. Erin shouldn’t have known at all, no one should have! I had no clue, up till a very small amount of days ago, that I was positive of being gay.” This time he cringed. Apparently he wanted to try hard to avoid the word.

“Whatever.” He returned to his work. I walked over, and leaned against the computer desk to make sure he looked at me.

“I’m gay. So be it. I’m gay, gay, gay, gay, freaking gay!” I didn’t care how many times I will have to say it. He was going to have to at least get use to the adjective, instead of ignore the whole thing completely.

“Well, you might want to tell the world that so no one gets confused any more. Or lied to.” He stated the last sentence under his breath, but considering our close proximity, I heard it.

“Maybe I’m not ready for that step.”

“No problem. It’s okay.” He assured me, which was too big of a shift. Something had to be up.

“How?”

“Well I provided a little boost in your Gay Awareness Campaign.”

“What do you mean? Who’d you tell!” I grabbed his shirt collar. He continued to stare at the screen, and acted as if nothing was ready to choke him at all.

“Just mom.”

“Mom?”

“I thought it was her right to know,” he said defensively.

“Well right now it’s not even your right to!” I drop the collar and rushed down the stairs. I walked swiftly into the kitchen, and slowed down as I reached the entrance to the room. Mom was fixing dinner, and I acted like I was going to grab an apple, since it was right there in the open.

“Mom?” No reply, which I found weird. “Hello?”

She continued to work and I stood there watching her.  I was shocked, because I was sure she heard me. She just ignored my calls to her, and my stance near the doorway. I looked down staring at the apple in hand, letting it spin in my palm.

“Mom?” A clatter in the sink caused me to look up. She was staring at the sink, but began to form words.

“As soon as you decide to change your mind, you get your privileges back. Until then I don’t want to see you outside your room except when going straight to the front door for school, and vice versa when coming home. Now get up to your room!” I couldn’t move my feet, and I knew I should have. I didn’t want to get whipped like I was seven years old again. However, even my mother said that she didn’t accept me. I guess that’s the point of being happy with twins. If one screws up, the other is there to outshine them.

I turned slowly and walked to the stairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I continued going straight out the front door, making it shut silently behind me. My head was beginning to feel airy, and I thought I was going to fall. I sat on my porch, and pulled out my phone. Automatically I typed in Chad’s number, without my brain fully registering what had just happened, and what was going on right then. On one of the first rings he answered.

“Chad?” As I spoke, I automatically realized my throat had clogged up some. It’s the first sign of tears and the second sign of an incomprehensible strand of sentences.

“Yeah? What’s wrong?” He immediately knew as well something right had not happened.

“Um… my parents,” I wiped my eyes and felt the tears that were coming. I hadn’t cried in the longest time and I didn’t want to resort to being a baby again. “aren’t okay with me. I think I’m technically in lock down.”

“You can’t leave at all?”

“No. I’m sure I can’t unless I don’t come back.” I choked out the last part, not wanting to leave my childhood home because of this.

“I’m coming over,” he sternly said. His mind was set on planning my escape.

“You sure? Trust me you don’t-”

“Shhh….” Soothing me he continued, “I do have to. I’m coming. Just be ready.”

“Thank you.” I squeaked out.

“Love you.” My dam to prevent the tears broke. I felt them down my face, and I breathed in again.

“Same.”

He hung up. I sat there, thanking whoever was out there and caring for me. At least I had one person who loved me, and had meant it. I returned inside the house, still hearing my mother in the kitchen. I walked upstairs, and went to the bathroom. I cleaned my eyes and blew my nose, while trying to be silent. I returned to my room and saw that Jack was still there. I grabbed my book bag, and begun packing a couple pairs of clothing inside it.

“What are you doing?” I continued on, not answering him. I went to the bathroom and grabbed what belonged to me. “You can’t leave, I hope you know.”

I shook my head, and packed my chargers and a few C.D.s that I bought for myself. I ignored any that were for both me and Jack. I didn’t care for anything that we shared. I thought it over quickly and decided I grabbed all I needed.

“You got to stay here.” This time, he grabbed my backpack to stop me from putting it on.

“Let go.”

“No. Mom said you’re staying here in this room.”

“I am not listening to mother’s solitary confinement rules. Nor am I listening to you, Jonathan.” His reaction on his face was frozen. He knew I never use his full first name unless I was angry. When I did it once, it was never directed towards him, I had just been angry in general. This time, it was for him, and it was meant to stun him.  I saw the grip on the bag was loosened and I pried it out of his hands.

He jolted and then looked at me again. He tried to grab me, but missed. I walked out and went down the stairs.

“Mom!” I began opening the door as I heard her footsteps slamming into the wooden floor.

“Brent Evans Lewis. Don’t you walk out of that door, till I deal with you.”

“Mother, I have every right to walk out right now.”

“Until you are an adult you live under my roof.” Just then, my phone in my pocket was vibrating, I dropped my hand casually.

“Unless I decide to leave.”

“You don’t get to decide that, that is my decision and you are staying here.”

“You’re just going to coop me up in here till I decide to kill myself. That is if you guys don’t decide to do that yourself.” I scoffed at her. I pulled out my still vibrating phone and saw at the outside screen that it was a call from Chad.

“Don’t you dare say that to me in this house! If you father was here, I swear-”

“He’d f*****g beat me to a pulp. I f*****g get how the system works. Hate every freaking f*g in America, and burn them at the stake! I am leaving before you do the same thing to your own son.” I ran out the door, and ran across the lawn to the car. Chad had opened the door as soon as he saw me running from them. I jumped in and closed it.

“BRENT GET BACK HERE!” I heard my mother scream through the car’s partially open window.

“Piss off!” I yelled back. I stared at the side mirror as they both stood there in disapproval. Chad drove silently, and when I decided to turn on the music to an inappropriately loud level, he didn’t complain. He let me stare out the window in thought. He probably knew he would have a chance to comfort me soon enough.

I didn’t know when I would be back to my own home. I didn’t want to end up having to sneak into my house to get my own clothes that would simply last me a week at a time. Nor did I want to go back in the next few days until there was a small possibility of the house being calm. That, however, was the most unlikely thing that would happen in the building I used to live in. I had very high beliefs that I was kicked out of there now that I ran away from my ‘justified’ punishment.

When we arrived at Chad’s house, we went straight to the basement, as we did the last time I was here. He turned on the TV to a low level, which was barely audible, so as to not hold as a big distraction if we were to talk. I sat down on the middle of the couch, and rested my elbows on my knees. I ran my hands through my hair a few times as I let myself think. I tugged on it a little bit and gave a groan. Chad soon placed himself to my side and rested a hand on the middle of my back. His soft massage as he gently rubbed my back had helped slightly in the calming process.

“How are you holding up?” He asked politely, to break the icy silence. It wasn’t a significant question, but it was just a building block.

“Not good. Not good at all.”

“What happened in there?” I sighed, and he pulled himself closer to me. His arm had wrapped itself around my lower back, and he nudged me to him for his comfort. I obliged by resting my head onto his shoulder, and he shortly rested his head onto mine.

“Jack told. He freaking told my mother.”

“Why the hell would he do that?” I felt from his face a snarl. I didn’t blame him, since I was sure I had the same facial features carved into my face.

“Anger? Maybe he’s just that sadistic…”                               

“But, he’s your brother.”

“I’m sure that doesn’t matter to him,” I mentioned tiredly. I know I had already thought of this before, and he obviously showed no sympathy to what I must have been going through. “He’s not going to care now that he knows I’m gay. Along with my parents, he probably would prefer me out of the house as well. I’m more or less a disgrace to them now.”

“That’s just wrong. It’s just plain wrong.” He couldn’t fathom how a family could do that to each other. Why not then? His family had already accepted him, and he assumed mine would as well. Assumptions obviously don’t help at all, no matter what kind of proof it is. His loving family wasn’t like mine. Mine actually cared whether or not they were doomed to a hell for eternity. 

Maybe this was my sign. That being gay just messes your life up completely, and that it is wrong, Maybe meeting Chad and going through every thing I had recently faced was the big picture, and the first day we hanged out was just a piece to the broken puzzle. I lifted my head, knocking his off of mine.

“I don’t know why I listened to you.”

“Huh?”

“You’re the one who told me to tell him,” I explained ruthlessly. “Just because your family loves that you’re a flaming homosexual, has no meaning that mine would!”

“But-”

“Why’d you tell me to do it?” I interrogated. My anger began to simmer again, and I could feel it heating up into a boil soon enough.

“It was to help you.” He said strongly, yet softly.

“I never accepted help before, and all of a sudden I get some from you. Then it just blows up my life into tiny pieces. If I never came out…if I never talked to you, this wouldn’t happen.”

“You’re right.” He said calmly.

“I know I am,” you SOB. I should just leave him right now; see how he reacts to that. I’m sure he would finally anger up some, instead of just sitting there staring at me. “Maybe you should just not have been in my life at all. It would have made mine just the more perfect. You don’t even know that this started from since I joined choir.”

“It was for the best, though.” His calmness continued.  It still bothered me and it had to go away, at least in my mind.

I stopped myself and repeated what I just thought in my head again. That makes no sense. Chad is here to help, and always had been. Why did I have to get a rise out of him, too? Hadn’t I faced enough drama? I realized, then, that it was the way that I expelled my anger. If I had spread it to someone else, and controlled their own anger, I felt more relieved. I felt more in control, instead of weak and insignificant. However, I had done this to Chad? He was the closest thing I had now, and I wanted to break that up, too.

I rested my forehead onto his shoulder, and began to feel a warm, small stream of tears roll down my face. He rubbed his hand on my back and then ran his fingers through my hair. The more he comforted me, the guiltier I felt. With the guilt tough, I felt luckier to have him.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“I know.” He smiled as he looked down at me. Our eyes caught each other and he kissed me softly on my forehead. He then ran his thumb across the bottom of my eyes to wipe away the tears that my eyes had expelled.

“You’re too good for me.”

“I have to disagree with that,” he said. He smiled as my lips formed a pout. “I think we’re just right for each other. Fate has its ways of working into our lives, whether it’s through the good or the bad.”

He hugged me to give me a sense of stability with him, and the tears began to slow down to a stopping point. He laid down on the inside of the couch, and brought me down with him. We faced the TV as he held me tight against his chest, seeming as if he wasn’t going to let go. He turned the TV’s volume to a medium-low level, just well enough for us to hear it. We watched it for a few minutes until I had some questions that I was too indecisive and confused to figure out on my own.

“Chad?”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think I should do? I mean, when should I go back?”

“I don’t know how good of an idea that is… If you’d like, I am sure my parents would be more than welcome to allow you to stay here for a while. I’m sure it would help you out.”

“I don’t want you guys to be forced to take care of me. I mean I already hardly know your parents, how would they feel?”

“They’d be more than happy, as long as they know that I am.” He chuckle under his breath.

“What?” I inquired.

“Was just thinking of what my mom said when she told me what she thought of you as you guys met.”

“What’d she say?” He had gotten me curious.

“She, unknowing of our situation I might add, had insisted that I stick with you for some reason. She mentioned that you were ‘such a keeper’” I couldn’t help but at least smile and let out a small laugh as well.

“Did she really?”

“Yeah, she did. So, I’m sure she will be okay with it. Now for us sharing a couch to sleep on, she might be against that idea. She knows a good amount about teenagers. You can’t fool her easily.”

“She sounds pretty cool.”

“She is. If you get to know her, she will definitely grow on you.”

“That’d be nice.” Out of honesty it would be. To have a mother, biological or not, to want to care for you would be a pleasant thing right now. For a parent to just accept you, even if you weren’t their child, would probably be the best medicine. For some reason it didn’t sit well with me as I thought about it. Even though my mother was an awful parent to me, thanks to her condemnations, she was still my birth parent. She still had some type of tie onto me and I couldn’t just simply forget that.

Jack had a tie to me as well. We had grown up since we were both born together. No matter how screwed up your family is, they’re your blood. In the end when your friends are gone, your blood line still remains to support you. At least, to have suppose to support you in troubling times. Even though they treated me badly because of my current orientation status, you can’t forget the good things they’ve done for you. The intensity on the amount of beautiful things shared seems to block out the parts you wouldn’t care to remember.

“I guess we’ll see how it goes tomorrow then.” I stated to him.

“Let’s just help you relax tonight. Just give me a second.” He grabbed the remote that rested on the stand next to us, and turned off the TV. He pushed another button and the sound of a cd player switching cds revealed itself to my ears. A gentle song began to play and he held me tighter, and rested his head above mine.

A song that seemed familiar to me played in the background. I knew I didn’t know the words to this song, but I could place what song it was. It was I’m Yours. I know I heard it on the radio a while ago. I had forgotten most of the words, so I just listened closely to the acoustical guitar chords being played.

As the words came in, a voice behind me tagged along. His singing, normally projected, was soft so that I could hear it clearly and so it soothed me. His voice had always been something that I was fond of listening to during class. It was a natural movement when he sang, and the quality of being a tenor worked for him. His voice was meant to be for the slightly high pitches, and I could never be able to explain it. It was just a silky manner as the words he created turned into music.

I burrowed myself into his chest a smidge more and rested my head underneath his. I shut my eyes and focused on him, and let all the thoughts that wanted to bombard my mind to no longer cease to exist. For the moment it was all about us. It was all about Chad being mine, and me being his. This is what love is, for a fact, and there cannot be any strong enough force that would want to break this.

On a long pause of Mraz scatting, he whispered a good night to me and I looked up at him and smiled. My face turned to face his as I gave him a kiss that shocked him in the beginning, but instantly he reacted back and gave me the same soft pressure. When we released the kiss we both smiled to each other, and I returned myself to my original position.

“I love you. Please, forever remember that.” He told me.

            “I love you all the same. Always be at my side, love, and I’ll promise to do the same.”

            “That is something I can promise you.”

            “Good night.”

            “Sleep well,” he replied and gave me one last peck on my head before he continued to serenade me again. After the length of today, and the events’ outcomes, I was worn out. I was relaxed enough to fall asleep and I knew I shortly would. In his arms, I felt peace, and it seemed at this precise moment, that nothing could interrupt it.