Disbelief

 

            Afterschool I finally got the chance to go back to roaming in the halls.  For the past hour I was stuck taking a chemistry test in which it seemed that I only knew about half of the material. I was just happy to finally get out of there. I began heading towards the main entrance near the office, walking at a brisk place to leave as soon as possible. I walked down the stairs that led into the commons. As I continued on I heard my name coming from the distance. I looked across to the mid-level of the common area, and saw Erin.

            As she came sprinting towards me, I had followed the same example. I had scooped her into a hug, lifting her up a few inches off the ground. As I finished hugging her, she gave off a gleaming smile to me.

            “How was the test?”

            “Good, I guess. What are you up to at this time?”

            “Just was wandering the halls after having a long chat with my English teacher.”

            “Why, what’s up with English?” I didn’t think she had any problems in that subject.

            “Nothing really, I was just talking to her for a while.”

            “What’d you talk about?” I questioned, my curiosity controlling my emotions momentarily. We began walking back to the mid-level area where she was originally.

            “Mainly about this group, called Inspire Café, she is planning to lead. It’d range from poems, to stories, to acting. It would basically be a wide variety of things.”

            “That sounds pretty cool. Are you going to get into it?”

            “I think I probably will. It seems like it will have to be advertised well enough for people to even want to go.”

            “I’ll help spread the word to any of my friends who write, just to help out.”

            “That’d be great! You could come to a meeting sometime, too. You don’t necessarily have to be a writer.”

            “I’ll think about it.” I sat on top one of the ledges that were created by the intent that formed the mid-level. She did as well. It wasn’t too long ago I was in the commons, and I kind of was in the mood to leave school. Yet, I wasn’t ready to head straight home.

            “How prepared are you for the math test?” I continued the conversation, deciding to stay and talk some more.

            “Not very. It’s going to be hard to do well on,” I informed her.

            “Yeah. Have you gotten the review yet?” she asked me with a bothered tone.

             “Not yet. I guess I’ll get it tomorrow. Why?”

            “Well, when you get it. I’m sure you’ll notice that there are some things we never even discussed in class.”

            “Seriously? Are you sure she gave us the right review?”

            “Yeah. I looked in the chapter in the book and it did have those things in there, but she never had us do it in class.”

            “So, she’s going to test us on something we don’t know?”

            “It seems like it.” There’s no way she can do that, right? That’s so messed up.

“She’s such a b***h, too.” She continued, “I just can’t wait to be out of her class when the semester ends.”

            “Is she harsh to you guys too? I thought it was just part of our class always being obnoxious.”

            “Well, she definitely is to us. I’m sure she always is when teaching to children.”

            “Man. Have you even started studying?”

            “Not yet. I’m going wait until tomorrow to talk to her during study hall,” she sighed. “Have you?”

            “Yeah, but not much. This weekend I’m going to get Brent to help me with it.”

            “That’d be good to do. Maybe we could meet up.”

            “That’d be cool to do. I’ll let him know and we can meet somewhere close.” I got down and leaned against the ledge, no longer comfortable sitting. I looked around to see which ledge we were on, unaware of exactly where we stopped to hug. I noticed we haven’t sat here for a while for lunch. I think ever since the overpopulation of freshmen, we had to move ourselves to the business and FACS hallway that led away from the commons.

            “Have you actually seen Brent lately?” The question popped up in my mind in an instant, and I figured I could ask her if she knew what was wrong with him. At least I could ask her if she had any opinions on it.

            “Yeah, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah. I just mean that I haven’t had a chance to truly talk to him today and for some reason today seems like a really bad day for him.”

            “Was it one of his classes?”

            “I don’t think so. He’s acted this way all morning.” She looked straight ahead and began thinking. She then turned to me in realization.

            “I think I understand what you’re talking about.” She took a pause. “Do you not know?” She asked as if I was automatically supposed to create an understanding of Brent as well.

            “Know what?”

            “Well…” she slowly said, “I don’t want to burst your bubble or anything like that, but he’s probably having a hard time facing what he’s dealing with right now.”

            “What do you mean?” She made no sense as soon as I asked her why he was so gloomy.

            “Well.” She scooted closer to me so she could whisper to me. In an almost muted voice, she continued. “He’s gay.”

                        “What?” I said in surprise at her statement and in firmness since she was talking about my brother. Those kinds of tricks happened a lot for some reason. People urge you to come close to them so they can whisper something like that or some sexual innuendo. She nodded her head to my exclamation, though, to assure me it was a correct statement. Frankly, they annoyed me. “Those kinds of jokes are not funny Erin.”

            “I am not joking. I took a wild guess about it and I was right.” I still didn’t believe her. She’s pulled a fair amount of jokes before, and was a master at keeping a straight face. This time would be no different and I really was not in the mood to hear a joke, let alone fall for one.

            “Are you not okay with it at all?” She said, slightly taken back. She must have assumed that I might have been able to accept what she said. Only problem was that I didn’t accept lies.

            “Seriously, if you don’t know why he’s upset, then just tell me that. Don’t make up a whole bunch of crap, and then try and pull it off.”

            “Why can’t you just accept that your brother is gay? That’s something you, out of anyone, needs to know!” I lowered my face closer to hers, and I felt her cool breath linger on my face. Nevertheless, I still did not relieve myself of my position.

            “I can not accept it, because you are uttering a spiel of lies. I am stressed out, and tired. Right now, causing me to look like a fool is not on my agenda of the day. Maybe any other time will be okay, and slightly funny, but not this time.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t know your own brother. Maybe you should keep a stronger relationship with him, instead of being so oblivious!” She crossed her arms and looked away from me to the left. She stared off towards that direction as I waited for her to respond.

"I swear if you even try to spread that rumor-"

"What rumor?" Her voice began to rise to match mine.

"The rumor of what you just told me!"

"It's not a-"

“Spread it around, and you'll have to deal with me." She stared at me as I realized I was out of breath. My face felt as if I was just in a furnace and my train of thought was jagged.

"So will you listen to me?" I asked, trying to sound kind. It still came across as an agitated sound.

"Now I have a choice?"

"I never took one away from you." She let her eyes roll. She didn't reply with a sarcastic comment, but I could see one ready to come flying at me any second. "Do you care for Brent at all?" I asked her with a concerning voice.

"Of course I do." She dropped her crossed arms to her side. She also allowed our eyes to meet, only to show her sincerity.  "He's one of the best friends I've ever had."

"Then why would you ever want to hurt him?" I questioned. My voice began to sound more vulnerable. It grew to a more soft tone by the end.

"I wouldn't. I never would."

"Then why would you tell others Brent's gay behind his back."

"I only told you." I looked at her with a condemning look.

"Did you really?"

"Yes. I swear. I just thought you should have known, but it doesn't matter to you."

"Yes, it does."

"How come?" She questioned. This time it wasn't a questioning in my protection of my family, but it was an honest question of being confused.

"Well one, it's my brother. No matter what I would go out of my way to make sure he isn't hurt by others because of their carelessness. Two, it's because I fail to believe he's gay, and I know he's not, because it's against the religion we uphold."

"Peter's gay. Are you not friends with him?"

"Yes, I am." I bit my lip, feeling where this was going.

"Then what would be the difference if, hypothetically assuming, your brother was gay?"

"Well, just because I'm friends with Peter doesn't mean I approve of his lifestyle. I’m not suppose to hate him for being gay, but to love him because I met him and he's a friend. I'm meant to save him. Brent has been saved, and not because he's sinned as a homosexual. It’s because him as a part of humanity sinned."

"So you don't approve of who he is." She went back, referring to Peter.

"I said his lifestyle, not him."

"Mhmm." She nodded, not in total agreement but in a stepping back way. I did the same with my body expressions.

"So, are you going to not lie about it?" She finally admitted the truth.

"Fine I won't spread it around. I don't want to hurt Brent, by continuingly lying about him."

"Thank you for promising that. What about what you told me this whole time."

"I'm sorry that I lied to you too. I am truly, deeply sorry." She took my hands into hers and told me with a full blown earnestness. I smiled in appreciation and thanked her.

"So I guess I will see you later." I told her. "Thank you again."

"Sure," she murmured, letting go of my hands. "I'll see you in a few days I guess." I started to hug her, but she stepped back slightly and just waved. I waved back, confused on why she would still have an attitude. Right now, it really didn't matter. I had stopped something horrible from happening to a close loved one. A sort of satisfaction began to rise up inside of me, replacing the annoyance I had for Erin.

I left the commons, leaving her behind as I walked outside. I went out to the junior parking lot, and headed to one of the only cars left. I got inside mine and felt a lot warmer as I shut the door. It was a little too warm; enough to cause me to feel like it was extremely stuffy. I rolled down the window and allowed the November cool air to rush in.   It felt good as it cooled my heated skin and I could breathe well again.

I turned on the car and exited the school’s grounds. I went right, and headed towards home, going the long way. It only added another five minutes to the ride, which I guess wasn’t much, but it allowed me to go through the neighborhoods instead of going onto the main road. The private road I drove on allowed me to let my car go faster than it was suppose to. I watched the speedometer climb up to sixty, where I allowed the needle to hover. It felt good to go at a quicker speed, and it has always calmed me when I had been in a tough spot.

The engine’s low whisper is the hook, and the sensation afterwards doesn’t really matter anymore. Sure, the feeling of not having the tires on the ground feels excellent. It always does when you escape gravity for any given time frame. The hook just makes you come back for more, or at least it does for me. There’s no cares or worries, until I’m forced to land. When I arrive back to my home, I arrive at the gates of earth again. I take the steps onto the platform, and leave the session sitting there. Letting it wait for me to return again.

Thanks to the natural feeling of life, the wave of exhaustion hits me again. I began walking into the house, ready to crash anywhere that was available. The couch in the living room was the first choice to rest, so I took it. I unwound there, and felt cooler here. There were no closed spaces, or any heated arguments. There was the small sound of the clock ticking, and the light from the sun shining in through the blinds. I closed my eyes, ready for me to fall asleep for a few hours.