17. Meanwhile in Space

As Otto waits for his damsels to come to his distress, he learns more about the war that's plagued the universe for trillions of years.

Otto woke up to find himself confined to a large cell made from silver-colored metal, possibly chrome.  There was no bed, or toilet, or anything for Otto to sit or lay down on.  It was empty, cold, but at least clean.  The bars were made from what he can only guess was electricity, and had enough sense not to touch them.  He wasn’t knocked out as far as he could recall, but rather fell asleep out of boredom of Xenu droning on about his master plan to destroy the planet in order to gloat to his prisoner.  Otto was annoyed that the one time a villain actually monologued about his inevitable victory to him it was so long and meaningless that he fell asleep from it.  Xenu, infuriated with this, threw Otto in the cell to ferment before being used as fuel for the ride home.

Otto began to lay back but then a voice called out from the distance.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” It echoed off the chrome walls of the ship and prison cell.  It was a gentle voice, a woman’s voice, a voice that made Otto feel relaxed.   A woman of average height and build approached the cell wearing a similar outfit to Xenu, only instead of gold she had silver hemming.  Her brown hair was neatly packed into braids that wrapped around her head.  Her green eyes were large and filled with compassion that practically emanated across the room.

“Well, hello there, beautiful.” Otto said groggily, sitting upright.  The woman giggled and bowed.

“Thank you.  Are you alright?” She asked gently.  Her voice was light and sweet.

“Now that you’re here, I’m good.”

“Excellent.  I’ve been instructed to keep watch over you to keep from escaping.”

“Who’s escaping?”

The woman cocked her head to the side.

“You’re…not going to escape?”  She asked, confused.

“Nah, I don’t see the point.” Otto said while stretching.  He laid down on the chrome floor, using his hands as a makeshift pillow. “I’m betting my babe and her crazy friend are on their way here right now to kick Xenu’s a*s and blow this ship to pieces.  No offense.”

“None taken.  Although your confidence in your friends is odd.  Gaia needs to be near a planet to move, and Xenu has studied up on both this planet’s defenses and Jehovah’s combat style.  I find it difficult to believe you can be so optimistic with odds against you.”

“Eh, I guess I’m just lucky like that.” Otto boasted.  He gave the woman another look.

“Hey you look familiar.  What’s your name?”

“Me?  I’m just a strategist.  I’m Officer Pallas Athena.”

Otto jumped to his feet with excitement.

“No way!  Seriously!?  You’re Athena?” He exclaimed. “Oh my god, that’s so awesome!  I’m like your biggest fan!  I loved you when I was younger, I always considered you my god.”

“Stop, you’re just saying that.” Athena said, blushing.

“No, no, I’m serious.  I was a huge fan of yours.  Goddess of strategy, warfare, courage, strength, justice, inspiration, even crafting!  Oh man, this is like every fanboy’s dream!  And you’re a lot more attractive than your statues made you out to be.”

Athena laughed nervously. “Are you sure you don’t have me confused with my sister Minerva?  This sounds more like something she’d do…”

“No, I’m dead serious, on Earth you were one of the primary gods for the Greek Pantheon.  According to legend you sprang out of Zeus’ head after he got a wicked headache.  You helped Odysseus make it back home.  I loved learning about you!  Most of the time you would be helping the hero out, or keeping Zeus away, or doing something hardcore.  You were, like, the god to me.  And to be held captive by you, m’lady, it is truly an honor.” Otto finished with a bow.  Athena laughed.

“Honestly, I have no idea what you’re talking about!  I’ve been an officer for Xenu since I could remember, I’ve never been to Huma.  But it’s always good to meet a fan.”

“Yeah, hey, I had a question.  Why do you guys call Earth Huma?”

Athena shrugged. “Why do you call Huma Earth?  No offense, but we did come first.”

“Yeah, but, why Huma?  Why not name it after Earth like we did?”

“I…I don’t know.  You’d have to ask the Outcasts if you ever meet them.”

“Outcasts?”

Athena sat down with her legs crossed, followed by Otto who sensed a long exposition coming.  Normally he’d be bored to tears, but considering his secret crush on Athena, and seeing said Athena in person, he was willing to listen.

“Well…Huma was created by a group of People known as the Outcasts.  They’re soldiers of the war who left the army.  Most were dishonorably discharged from both factions.  They came to this area of space to make a planet with artificial life and live in peace, away from the fighting.  A lot of People were outcast.  Dozens, possibly hundreds.  I’m guessing you know of me because my father was an Outcast.  He might’ve passed those stories to bards to tell humans.”

“Wow, when Zeus isn’t raping cows or attacking humans, he sounds like a good father.”

“My father is a bit…eccentric, but he means well.  Even if stories say otherwise.” Athena sighed, looking a little sad.  She returned to her optimistic demeanor soon after Otto broke the silence.

“Okay, so Xenu said something about gods being reborn into humans mucking up his war…what’s he talking about?”

“Gods….I always found that word odd…we call ourselves People.  We have no need to call ourselves anything else because all life in the universe is People.”

“Yeah but you ‘people’ are being reborn in us.  How in the hell does that make sense?”

“I’m really sorry to say this, but a lot of what you know about how reality works is…um…well, wrong.  Did you not question how we can travel the vast distances of space so often and so quickly that we literally know all the People of the universe?”

“The only thing I questioned is you speaking perfect English.”

Athena giggled. “You’re speaking Common.  It’s our native tongue.  More languages exist, but Common is most known.  I guess it’s just a coincidence the two languages are the same.  Great minds think alike?”

“Got it, it’s just like the Simpsons.”  Otto chuckled.

“Simp…Simpsons?”

Otto waved the issue away. “Nevermind.  So apparently all that we think we know about how reality works isn’t true.  So how do you travel through space?”

“I’m afraid I can’t explain it all too well.  I’m not an engineer, just a strategist on guard duty.  From what I can tell, imagine space like a big blanket.  A Person is on one side of the blanket and wants to get to the other side, but walking would take far too long.  So, the Person scrunches the blanket up and walks over the ripples it makes.  You’re covering the same distance, but because the blanket- time and space- is scrunched up you’re taking much less time to get there.”

“Oh I get it.  Yeah, I heard of that before.  We learned about it in a couple of my college classes.  Something about relativity, spacetime, or something.  Anyway, I know what you’re talking about.  Piece of cake!”

Athena clapped her hands and squealed a little.  “Oh I love how humans pick up things so quickly!  Jehovah was a genius for designing you, you’re so smart, and intuitive.”

“Yeah….how come Xenu doesn’t feel that way?  He took a lot of pleasure in talking down to us.”

Athena went silent and turned her head away from Otto.  Otto tried to keep eye contact, but it was futile.

“The general….he has a few…I’m sorry, I can’t say.  I can’t speak ill of the commander.  He’s done too much in a short time to say such things.”

“Athena, he’s planning on blowing up the planet.  What’s worse, he’s going to kill me.”

“Yes, that’s our mission.  Demolish planet Huma and return the Outcasts so they can be held captive until they decide to rejoin the ranks.”

“How can you side with something like that if you like humans so much?”

“I…I never lived when there wasn’t a war.  That was long before my time.  The queen spoke of a time when everyone was happy, but it was so long ago only a few remember.  And those that do don’t want to.  I guess it’s selfish, but I want to live in a universe where the People aren’t fighting.”

“It’s not selfish.  I can understand.  But you’re letting billions of humans die down there.”

Athena sniffed, holding back tears. “I know.  I’m sorry, but this is the only way to end the fighting.  With Huma gone the People will be wary of fighting, and a truce could be reached.  It’s the only way….it’s the only way…”  She stood up and headed for the door, her head hung low.

“I’ll bring you some food.   The chef, Hestia, is really good at cooking.”  Athena said, sounding depressed.  This was made all the more dreary when she didn’t turn her head to look at Otto before leaving through the sliding door.