10: A particular song of Nightwish comes to mind

The crew die and go to Hell.

When Ace came to, she instinctively seeked out the jet in hopes of finding Alex or Otto.  Oddly for someone who had been attacked by a group of shadows that took out an entire jet and pulled her to the earth faster than logically possible, she didn’t hurt at all.  She prayed the same was true for the others.

She looked behind her and found both Alex and Otto near each other, with no rubble from a plane to be found.  They were still unconscious, so she did the only sensible thing she could think of- violently shake them and scream in their ears until they woke up.  When Alex came too she calmly put her hand over Ace’s mouth.

“Sleepy time.” Alex said groggily.  Otto woke up soon after.

“You two okay?” Ace asked.

“I don’t think what I am right now has a name.  ‘Okay’ doesn’t do it justice.” Otto said rubbing his head.  Alex rose to her feet, her power seemingly restored.  She stretched a little and moved the earth around her to get a feel, but stopped immediately, almost disturbed by how it felt.

“This isn’t earth.” She said with a look of shock on her face.

“You seem fine, so it must be earth.” Ace replied.  Alex knelt down and studied the ground with her hands.

“No, I just need the materials that make up earth beneath me.  Rock, soil, dirt, sand, they all break down into different elements like carbon, sulfur, lead, sodium, iron….  As long as I have those I’m fine.  But this doesn’t feel right.  There’s way too much sulfur in the dirt.  Everything’s tinted yellow, and it’s way too dry.  It doesn’t move like Earth’s earth.”

“You’re not making any sense.” Ace said, scratching her head out of confusion.

“No…she’s making way more than she should.” Otto said looking into the distance.  He grabbed Ace and turned her to see what he was looking at, and the same stunned look Otto had transferred to Ace’s.  They were inside a massive cave.  Below yellow magma bubbled and oozed around perilously placed rock platforms, as though their bases had been eroded away almost entirely.  Above were spires of sulfur that dripped down into the magma.  The walls and ceiling were yellow and orange, almost demonic in nature.  In the middle looked like a well sized city, complete with skyscrapers and houses.  Flames would burst up near the city every once in a while but an invisible forcefield seemed to contour the flames to its domed shape. 

The three looked at one another and began walking toward the city.  They knew they were in the one place even remotely close to what this place could be- they died and went to Hell.

“Yeah, bullshit.” Otto spouted as the three walked on. “Now me I can admit I’d be deader than rocks in that crash, but you two?  I’ve seen Alex take on monsters bigger than most buildings and their radioactive fire breath, and Ace took a Megaton Punch to the gut and came out alive.  No way you two even so much as felt the impact.”

“Maybe the guilt of knowing I’d live on without you was so much I committed suicide by Japanese sword?” Alex postulated, winking to Otto.

“I’d love to see something sharp enough to pierce your skin.  Remember what happened at last year’s pet show?” He shuddered. “So many ferrets…”

“Us dying is all the more reason to go see someone about this.  I say we go to the big guy himself.” Ace said.  The other two stopped.

“What like…Satan?” Otto said. “You want us to ask the devil why we died?”

“Well wouldn’t you?  I’m not exactly happy about this, and I’ve got things to do, so let’s go give him a piece of our minds!”

“Do you think that’s wise?  After all you’re the vassal of his greatest enemy.” Alex argued.

“Whatever.  The guy sent an army of undead monsters to drag me here.  I say I’m doing him a favor by showing up on his doorstop.” Ace trotted along with swag in her step, the other two nervously following behind. 

When they arrived at the city there was a large gate with hideously deformed skulls fused to the sides.  The words “Enjoy your stay” were engraved into the top of the gate.  The gate opened to reveal the biggest suspension of disbelief the three had encountered thus far.  Instead of cries and screams of torture emanating from the city around them, they had walked into the equivalent of a normal suburb from 1950.  Children were playing various games in the street while a skeleton in a mailman’s outfit delivered mail and packages, all the while waving to the various residents as they went on their way in a skeleton-horse drawn carriage made from fire and cooled lava.  As the three worked their way into the city, they saw various stands set up selling food, like a normal day in New York.  Stores were open selling like normal, people all behaved like it was a typical Saturday, and no one seemed to question the demonic red humanoids with massive bat wings and hulking bull horns in police uniforms as they casually walked down the street saying hello to people once in a while.

“Can I call bullshit now?” Otto called out.  The other two were thinking the same thing.

“This doesn’t make sense.  Why is everyone happy?  Is eternal damnation really that great?” Ace whined to no one in particular.

“Maybe they’re taking a day off?” Alex tried to reason.

“Hey!  You three!” Called one of the demons.  The three tensed up and looked at the monster.

“Out of the road!” He yelled.  The three looked at each other and noticed they were in the middle of the street.  They moved off to the sidewalk before continuing on.  The demon nodded and went on his way into a local Starbucks.

“I’m so confused.” Ace say, holding her head with her hand.  The three trudged on, having no idea where to go.  They continued down trying to understand what they were seeing- monsters, skeletons, demons, and everything we would consider paranormal were mingling and casually talking with humans and doing civil work.  Some were policemen, some were washing windows or cleaning the sidewalk, some were even running stores and malls.

As the three entered the center of the city things became much busier.  More horse-drawn carriages whizzed by as a skeleton cop conducted traffic.  Overhead two small imps were attempting to fix a broken traffic light that had a shape of a giant human skull with three eyes- one for each of the lights.  They noticed a large building with hundreds of steps nestled safely away from the noise of everyday Hell.  The building was engraved with multiple languages but the one they could read was “Bureau of Everyday Affairs.”  They figured it was a good enough place to start.

At the end of the stairs Ace was out of breath and practically climbing to the top.  Alex casually passed her by without any signs of fatigue.

“How can…you make it up…here?” Ace asked, panting.  Alex shrugged.

“I work out.” She said smugly.  Otto followed behind, chuckling a bit.

When they went inside they noticed how quiet it was.  Few people were moving about.  Most of the building was cast in darkness but from what they could see the floor was encased in marble.  The walls were lined with notebooks and files, along with doors that lead to different areas.  In the middle was a receptionist desk with one lone woman behind it.  Actually, to call her a woman would be a point of confusion.  She was your standard “sexy librarian” type, complete with large, thick rimmed glasses, but it was though she put on red paint to give her a demonesque look and glued two tiny horns to the top of her head.  She even had a tail that would move back and forth behind her, complete with spear head.

“Can I help you?” She asked the three politely.  Otto immediately burst to the front.

“Well, hello there.” He said as suave as a man of his stature could. “I have met a lot of monsters in my day, but I must admit you’re without a doubt the most attractive.”

The demon giggled. Otto combed his hair back and continued. “I’m serious, I sense you’re part Chinese?  Maybe African?  Seventh Layer Hellish?  Something about you just screams ‘amazing.’”

“Stop, you’re making me blush.” She said flirtatiously.  Ace rolled her eyes and shoved him out of the way.

“Sorry about that.  Could you tell us where we can find Satan?  Or, Lucifer, or the devil, or whatever he wants to be called.”

The woman tried to become serious again but kept her polite smile. “You must be the vassal.  We’ve been expecting you.  He’s waiting for you in his office, it’s the third door on the left, just go through that door over there.” She pointed them in the right direction.  All three said thanks and walked off.  At least Alex and Ace did.

“So, are you busy later?  I mean, I know you’re here for all eternity, but I mean do you get off at like, five or…?” Otto continued with the receptionist.  She giggled but eventually Alex dragged him off.

“What the hell was that about?  Your girlfriend was like there!” Ace scolded Otto.

“Sorry, I just have this thing with the ladies.  They’re all too perfect.”

“And here I thought you were an honest guy.”

“He is.  It’s just funny to see him try and flirt with other women.  It’s like a kid playing with a bee’s nest: you know what’s going to happen, you just want him to find out and laugh at the result.” Alex said, laughing a little.  Otto hugged Alex the rest of the way lovingly.

The three made it to the door to Satan’s office.  What they were expecting were rows upon rows of skulls and bloody corpses lining the floor and walls, each one wailing an unheard chorus of screams and pleads to kill them while flames poured out of their eye sockets.  What they got was a door.  They opened it, expecting the worst things to happen, but none of it ever did.  Each second made them more confused.  The last second opening the door made the least sense of all.

“Ah, Ace, I’ve been expecting you!  And you have friends!  Come in, come in, would you like some Devil’s cake?  The girls in humanities cooked it up as a joke, but it’s simply divine!” The man in the office said, licking his fingers.  He was a well-dress 35-year old Caucasian man with brown hair gelled back to give him a neat appearance.  His suit was black with stripes of red going down the pants and tie.  The office was lined with various books and folders.  He motioned them to three stone chairs that had been created from rising magma just as he pointed to them and went back to his own leather padded chair to recline.  The three hesitantly walked over and sat down.  It was not so much fear as it was confusion.

“I’ve seen that look before, you’re wondering ‘where am I?  Is this the right place?’  Well, ladies and gentleman, I’d like to welcome you to Hell!” The man said, throwing his arms up enthusiastically. “Now I bet you’re also wondering who I am, the dashing rogue you see before you.”

“I’m guessing the devil.” Ace said bluntly.

“Nothing gets by her!  Well, almost.  I never liked those names: Lucifer, the devil, Satan, Beelzebub, they all sound so…so off.  Call me Hades.” He held out his hand to shake.  Only Alex did so.  The others eyed each other.

“Uh, sir?  We wanted to talk to you about something.” Ace said.

“Yes, yes, of course, the reason you’re here.  Now I’ll admit you weren’t meant to die in that plane crash, but this matter was so important that we decided to bring you in anyway!”

“What?!” They all yelled.  Hades put his hands up and motioned them to settle.

“Now, I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry- you’re not dead.  Your bodies are at the crash site, safe and sound.  Even our friend Otto here made it.”

“Oh yeah, we’re fine and all, but what about the pilot?  He died in an explosion!” Otto burst out.

“Well, I suppose the death was unnecessary, and truly I apologize for causing his death-”

“Wait, you caused the accident?” Ace interrupted.

“Now, now, let’s not jump ahead.  Yes, I may have intervened with the flight to ensure you came to visit me, but the crash and the pilot’s death was an accident, I swear!  And in reality he was stationed to die from salmonella poisoning two days later anyway.”  Hades sat up and clenched his hands together.  The three looked at him in horror and anger that he would casually kill an innocent man and blow it off as an “accident”.

“We have some more important issues to discuss regardless.  As you are aware you’re the vassal of a good friend of mine, Jehovah.”

“No, I’m the girl with God inside her.  So you killed us for no reason.” Ace snapped back.  Otto smacked her in the back of the head.

“That’s God’s true name dipshit!” He said.

“Whoa, easy there sir!  We’re all friends here.” Hades said with a chuckle. “But yes, Jehovah is God’s true name.  And again, you’re not technically dead.  Let’s just say you’re ‘not alive’ and move from there, shall we?  I’m sure you’re also aware that someone killed Jehovah a while ago and brought the poor god down to a normal life to live as a human.”

“Yeah, you killed him!” Ace yet again called out.  Hades began to laugh.

“I would never!  I was nowhere near heaven when Jehovah died- I have alibis.  Besides, I have no need to kill him.  It’s not a contest.  Let me ask you something- on your way here, did you notice anything unusual about Hell?”

“Besides the fact no one was being tortured, skeletons deliver mail, and your devil girls are surprisingly hot?” Otto answered.  Alex punched his shoulder at the last part.

“I see you’ve met our receptionist.  Yes, but she’s a succubus, so I don’t know if she counts as a devil…anyway!  The fact remains that humanity’s concept of Hell is just plain wrong.  See, as my name suggests, Hell is merely the plane of existence people come to after death.  There is no torture or punishment- everyone comes here after they die to live an afterlife, until the one day they are sent back to earth to be reincarnated.  It’s actually even more perfect than that when you consider we’re nowhere near earth- we’re in the middle of Venus!”

“I knew it!” Alex called out, fist pumping the air. “That’s why this place is so off!  We’re on another planet!”

“You’re as clever as they say, vassal of Gaia!  And if you wonder how we can breathe in such a poisonous atmosphere, in the middle of the planet no less, it’s a trick question- we don’t!  The dead don’t need to breathe!” Hades said, finishing with a laugh.  No one else followed suit.  Hades let out an awkward cough before continuing.

“Anyway, the reason for all of this is because there is no Heaven vs. Hell.  There’s no need to be good or bad and be rewarded or punished because everyone ends up here.  I’m not a god of the damned, I’m a god of the departed.  And I try to act the part.  I always found humans to be so interesting.  You’d kill each other in pointless wars and force one another to be each others’ slaves, yet at the same time would donate all of your food and clothing to those more needy.  You’re as tenacious as cockroaches- and trust me, that’s a compliment-and courageous enough to create nuclear warheads that could obliterate countries with a single strike yet wave them in front of your enemies to taunt them like children.  And when you went into space, all because of jealousy and delusional paranoia, I welled up in side with pride at how far you’ve come.  I’ve only seen this sort of ingenuity in one other race of the universe, and for personal reasons I can’t go into detail on them.” Hades spoke so casually, as though he had known these three all his life.  The three stared at him in frustration that none of it made any sense to them.  Hell is where everyone goes regardless of religion?  Other races in the universe?  Did he mean aliens?  The questions pounded on their heads until Alex asked about them.

“Well, like I said, I can’t go into much detail, but I will say this: every god from every religion exists.  Zeus, Thor, Athena, Shiva, even Xenu- they all exist.  Some are currently residing in humans, like our friend Alex here and Gaia, while others watch over the world from another planet to make sure things don’t get out of control. And the best part?  There are trillions more out there humans don’t know about!”

“I already know about the gods all existing.” Ace called out.  She instinctively went for her backpack only to find it not by her side. “I have a report from an agency saying so.”

“And I hope you realize you make less sense than a bull’s tit. A trillion gods we don’t even know about?  That’s a complete load!” Otto spatted.

“You’re a crude one, and I like that.  You get right to the point!  I really can’t go into more detail right now, or ever, but Jehovah wasn’t the pinnacle of all the gods.  He wasn’t the highest one.  He’s but one general in an army controlled by an even higher up being.  Jehovah was a god put in place to watch over humanity and well…let’s just say he wasn’t doing his job as well as we’d like.  Wars, bigotry, strife, slavery, mass destruction- these things were suppose to be prevented by him.”

“Why don’t the other gods step in?  You just said they make sure the planet doesn’t get out of control.” Alex pointed out.

“Yes, the planet. Most don’t keep track of the some ten billion humans on it.  In fact, only Jehovah and I keep track.  I chose to watch over humans after they die and he was asked to do it while they lived.  Of course with him out of operation, there’s been a bit of turmoil as to who would be in charge, which is where Ace comes in.”

“You want God to return, right?” Ace asked.  Hades laughed yet again.

“No!  No, of course not.” He chortled, wiping the tears from his eyes after laughing a good minute. “Goodness no.  I love the guy like a brother, he’s always been a good friend, but after almost four thousand years of not doing his job, there’s only so much you can take.  Even Zeus had to step in as a substitute before Jehovah’s son was born, and that turned out terribly.  Zeus kept raping human women, he cheated on his wife, he was just…just so terrible at human relations.  I mean, he chopped his old man’s…well…you know what off!  He was not right in the head!  No, what I hope for is for me to get the position.”

“What?!” The three yelled.  Hades nodded.

“Yes, yes, it’s a bit unusual, what with me already in charge over here, but I feel like I would do a fantastic job watching over humanity from both sides.  I would have to split time between them, but I have more than enough minions to help me break down the work load.  With me maintaining humans both alive and dead I feel I can really regulate any troubles that might occur.  No wars, more food for everyone, evened out economy, I could really turn the world around.  By taking over for Jehovah I can have enough influence to effect the hearts and souls of everyone on earth in some way.  And watch out, it’s looking like I might get it!” He said, the last part jokingly.  The others looked at him as though he just took a bite out of a child’s head.  A living child’s head.  After raping its mother to death with a pool stick.

“You want to control us?  The f*****g devil wants to rule the planet?  And you expect us to be cool with that?” Ace yelled.

“Now, remember, I never liked those names.  I prefer Hades.  ‘Devil’ sounds so diabolical.”

“It is diabolical!  You’re asking for world domination!”

“Nonononono, of course not!  I would simply be the primary god humans answered to with their pleas.  Now naturally I couldn’t grant all their prayers, and I would still never allow demons and my henchmen to rise up from circles made by Satanic follows, except for the one time I tried to bring you to me before.”

“Yeah, and they f*****g attacked me, and killed more than thirty people!  And they wanted to kill me too!  That throws a wrench into the whole not killing me and letting God loose thing, don't it!”  There was a long silent.

“They did?  Oh my, they never reported that…I’ll have to speak to them about it, thank you for telling me though.  They’re not too good when it comes to affairs on Earth.  And I swear they were never ordered to kill you.  They’re better down here, you know?  But anyway, the reason I’ve asked you to come here is because I was hoping you could stay with us until I am elected the position.”

“What?  F**k no!” Ace roared back.  She had stood from her chair a while ago and from the looks of things she wasn’t sitting back down soon.

“Now let’s just calm down and talk this over, shall we?  I understand it’s an unusual request, so just hear me out.  The final election among the gods is about to occur in…I would say two months human time.  It’s looking like I might win the seat.  The law states that as long as the current chairholder doesn’t return I can have full control of his position.  What I need you to do is come and relax here for those two months.”

“You’re asking me to go to and stay in hell for two months?”

“We’d offer you the best in luxury, of course.  Only the finest for our guest.  Your friends may choose to leave if they want, but we would still need you to stay here.  At least until I get full control.  Jehovah, knowing him, might be a bit upset, but he’s a cool guy; he’ll bounce back in no time!”

“This isn’t about God wanting his job back, it’s about keeping me in Hell!”

“I understand the request is out of the ballpark, and I assure you we would provide everything you requested.  Only the finest cuisine, the most comfortable mansion.  A couple of months away from home is all we ask, just until the election is over.  Then you can go about your life as normal.  When you finally finish a long, and I surely hope happy life, Jehovah would return and learn I took over in his absence.  He’ll get angry, call me out on it, but I’ll explain to him what transpired and why I did what I did.  We’ll go out for a beer, relax at home and listen to some techno, it’ll be a fantastic time!”

“What about my father?   He’d be worried sick if I told him I was going to the Denny’s down the street, but to tell him I’ve gone to Hell?”

“He’d be allowed to visit anytime he wished!  No death needed.  And, again, I apologize for the henchmen trying to kill you.  They get carried away.  They would instead protect you to make sure you survived.  A lot of people want you gone, believe it or not, and most of them for the wrong reasons.  In fact, ever since I figured out how to get Jehovah back I’ve had so many gods coming down on me, pressuring me to off you, even thinking of hiring hitmen.”

“I haven’t seen any of them.” Ace shrugged.

“I lied to them- I told them you have to die from natural causes- no interference from gods!  Isn’t that brilliant?” Hades laughed.  “This way no god will bother messing with you because they could screw up having Jehovah return!”  Yet again the three were silent.  Ace began to think about it.

“So…so if I stayed here I would be taken care of for two months?  Anything I wanted?  And when those two months are up- when the election ends, I go home.  No questions asked?”

“None whatsoever.  You are free to do whatever you please after I’m elected.  I even promise you I will not interfere with your life anymore unless I need your help.”  Hades said with one hand to his heart.  Otto was shocked by how well Ace was taking this.

“What, you’re not seriously considering this, are you?” He asked.

“Well, I guess if it’s only for a little bit…I mean, as long as I’m okay and Dad knows I’m fine…” Ace reasoned.  Otto shook her a little.

“You’re insane, Ace!  You’re letting the devil- sorry, Hades trick you into staying here so he can take control of all humans everywhere.  I don’t buy his act for one minute, and neither should you!  You’re smarter than that!” He yelled at her.  Ace stared at him in shock and confusion for what he said last.

“Now, I’m a little offended by that, kind sir.” Hades began, “I offer no tricks to anyone here.  Ace will be provided the very best of my hospitality and will be personally escorted by me back home if needed.  I was never a good actor anyway, so what you see and hear is sincere.  Hey, that rhymes!” he chuckled a little.  Ace was still focused on Otto.

“You complimented me.” She said.

“Yeah, and?” Otto rushed.

“I thought you hated me.”

“I do!  I mean, no of course not!  I mean, I don’t hate you…look, it’s complicated.  I damn well know you wouldn’t take this lying down.  Out of nowhere you stomped up to my Alex and called her out for no reason, then proceeded to open a can of whoop a*s only to have it explode in your face, and before you told us that you curb stomped a fifty foot demon who wanted your head on a pike, and how you fought a giant robot whose sole purpose was to make you suffer for a nutjob general, and now you decide to lay down?”

“You told me you wanted me to go to Hell.”

“Yeah, and it’s a dandy place, isn’t it?  It’s about time we went home.”  Otto said with a determined grin.  With that Ace nodded her head and stood up.

“Hades, I appreciate the gesture, but I decline.”

“Now let’s think about this.” Hades said, beginning to sweat. “What Jesus offers you may not be what you wanted.  See, there’s something I learned a while ago about deitans that I’m afraid will come up again soon.”

“No thanks.” Ace said.  She and Otto began to walk out but Alex questioned further.

“Wait, what do you mean?  What else is there to know about deitans?”

“There’s two ways to release the god within: Have the deitan die from natural causes-meaning no intentional murder or he’ll be put into another body- or horrible, horrible torture.”

Ace and Otto stopped and turned.  Hades slowly sat back down.

“Let me explain.  A god’s true power is released when a deitan is near death.  It’s a defense mechanism- a dormant god is recovering from a traumatic event from before, in Ace’s case from being stabbed in the back, and therefore must protect their host to ensure they recover fully.  Now granted, a god is usually healed by the time a human reaches an age of twenty, but the remaining time is meant for them to get their full strength back, so it’s still in the god’s best interest to protect the host.”

“So….okay, so your minions turned into a giant demon that tried to squeeze the life out of me.  Literally.  I responded by pushing their tentacle away and a white ghost of a man surrounded me and helped push.  Would that be what you’re talking about?”

“Oh!  Did he have spiky hair?  Short fellow, round face?”

“Uh…” Ace tried to remember back to the video tapes she saw, but all she could muster was “I guess?”

Hades pounded the desk with joy. “Good ol’ Jev!  Even death doesn’t stop him!  That’s Jehovah alright.  He awakened long enough to help you out!  I bet his power seeps out like that whenever you get serious in battle.  He probably needs more time, but if someone tried to severely hurt you I can guarantee he’d wake up and protect you.”

“Great!  So there’s no need to protect me.  I’ll just go about my day knowing God’s got my back.” Ace said, waving to Hades as she began to walk with the others out the door.  Hades got out of his chair again and worked his way around his desk.

“Waitwaitwaitwait, we don’t want him to wake up, remember?  Him awake is not good for me.” He said, chuckling nervously.

“Unless I die, he’s not going anywhere.  Unless I get tortured, he’s not waking up.  Sounds to me like if I don’t do anything stupid I’ll be fine.”

“Butbutbutbutbut Jesus will try to awaken Him, and you know what that means?”

“I’ll take my chances.”  She said.  She was almost out the door when something grabbed her arm.  It wasn’t Hades, per se; it was the long ghostly tendril coming from his sleeves made from the souls of a hundred criminals.

“Ace, I’m sorry, I can’t have you leave.  You need to stay, for the sake of my election.” Hades said, a look of worry over his face.

“Let go of me!”  Ace cried out.  The other two tried to pull her loose but were thrown out of the room by a blast from Hades’ other arm.  The blast vanished in a scream of hundreds of souls as they scattered.  Hades began to pull Ace back in as she thrashed about.

“I’m really sorry for this!  Your friends can leave if they need to!” Hades yelled out, trying to keep his composure.  A rock spire stabbed Hades’ hand from below, releasing Ace and causing Hades to recoil.

“Ah!  D****t, Gaia!” He yelled at Alex.  She moved into a martial art pose more suited for combat.

“I believe we’ve overstayed our welcome.” She said calmly.  Hades motioned towards Alex as souls were released from the books in the room like a dam breaking.  Alex pulled up another earth barrier, blocking Hades in the room, and ran out with the others.

They passed by the receptionist, who gasped at them dashing by.  Otto made a phone symbol with his hand and winked to her.

“Oh my god, Otto, that wasn’t even funny the first time!”  Ace shouted trying to pull him along.  Not far behind was Hades.

“Stop them!  Security!  Stop those three!  I need them alive!” He called out.  Demons and skeletons huddled around the bottom of the stairs, seemingly blocking their exit.  Alex created a spike of stone and glided it down the stairs, cleaving the staircase in two and parting the barricade of monsters.  Hades groaned in frustration before sending out another tentacle of misty souls to grasp Ace.  He wrenched her back but not without being punched in the face by Ace as she flew into his arms.  The hit knocked him down, releasing his grip.  She tried to run again but Hades was up and hitting her with blasts of departed murderers, each one screaming as it hit.

“I promise, I won’t kill you Ace, I just need you alive and in Hell!” Hades called out between hits. Swerved out of the way and pulled her goggles down over her eyes.

“You want me so bad?  Then let’s see what you got!  Time to ace this!”  She called out before dashing into the sky. 

"Does she always say that?"  Hades called down to Alex and Otto, who looked at each other before grimly nodding.

Alex and Otto, mostly Alex (entirely Alex), held back the demons while Hades sprouted a large set of black angelic wings from his back and swooping into the air after Ace.  He sent out a whip of black energy, similar to the ones that attacked the plane.  True to the original, they sliced Ace’s skin and caused a burning sensation.

“D****t, that hurt!  I thought you said we’re dead!” She cringed.

“I said you weren’t alive.  There’s a big difference!” Hades called out before lashing her again.  Ace blocked it but the whip wrapped around her arm.  Purple streaks of lighting flew down the whip and electrified her, causing her to scream in pain.  She fell to the ground but was caught by Otto, who in turn fell to his knees from the weight.

“That was a bad idea.” He groaned.  As Hades divebombed them Alex unleashed a swarm of sulfur spikes that littered the ground and eventually the sky.  A dozen or so clipped and impaled Hades’ wings, but he simply retracted them and pulled a new fresh pair each time.  Finally she sent out a massive stone fist that rose up and grabbed Hades before pulling him down.  Ace had shaken off the last blow and was up on her feet.

“Thanks you two.” She said.  Alex and Otto nodded.

“I’ll admit you three are extremely impressive.  But you only have a dash of what your respective gods can do.  And if you think a flimsy stone coffin will hold a god, well…” Hades mused before breaking out of the stone fist.  You might as well put him in a Styrofoam cup.  He sent another whip and slashed Alex diagonally across her face and torso, causing her to fall as blood spurted out.  A beam made entirely of lost souls roared from his other hand and hammered on Ace.  She was overwhelm with not so much pain but despair and hopelessness, as though she lost the will to go on.  She tried, though, and dashed at Hades for another punch.  It collided but it wasn’t enough to unbalance him.  Ace followed with a sweep of the legs.  Still not enough.  Hades grabbed her by the ears and headbutted her, causing her to stumble back before punching her square in the face and launching her back into the air.

Meanwhile Alex had collapsed to the floor.  Otto ran to her side, close to tears.

“Alex?  Alex?!” He cried out.  She was losing consciousness.

“It’s nothing…don’t…don’t worry.” She said weakly.  He cradled her head in her arms.

“D****t, woman, you’ve taken worse things to the chest before.  Don’t you dare die on me!” He began to sob as she gently put her hand on his cheek.

“It’ll be alright…I just need some sle…ee…eep….” She could barely finish before she passed out.  Her hand fell from his face, causing him to cry out in sorrow.

“Why would you do this, Hades?!  All you wanted was Ace, and you had to go kill an innocent life!  A beautiful soul incapable of any wrong!  My soulmate!” He roared to the heavens.  Alex gently swatted at his face.

“Shush….I’m trying to sleep.” She mumbled before turning over.  Otto dropped all teary emotion and replaced it with annoyance.

“Wait, you’re alive?!” He yelled at her.  Alex groaned.

“Sleep!  Tired!” 

Otto dropped Alex’s head enough to wake her back up.

“I said I was fine, just tired.  Drama queen…” She retorted, trying to hug him.  The gash across her body had stopped bleeding and was slowly recovering.  “Besides, we’re not alive, remember?”

“Call me a drama queen, you act like you’re dying, get me all worked up…” Otto mumbled angrily, pushing Alex away.  Alex turned her attention back to the fight in the air.  Ace and Hades were connecting blows left and right but neither side seemed to be doing much damage.   Ace was overwhelmed with a feeling of dread and despair brought on by Hades’ soul-wrenching attacks, while Hades held back to make sure not to bring Ace close to death. 

“Wait a second…” Alex said.  She was struck with an epiphany and called out above. “Ace!  Let me clobber you!”

Ace stopped what she was doing and looked at Alex.  “The hell?” She said before being hit with another punch from Hades.

“Hades’ just toying with you!  He knows he can’t do anything too rough because he doesn’t want to bring you close to death.  And you remember what happens when deitans get close to death, right?”

“They get hurt badly and wish they were never born, I get that!  I’m feeling a little emo right now, too, so I’d appreciate it if you talk less and hurt him more!” Ace called back trying to block Hades’ attacks.  She didn’t get it.  Otto did.

“No you short, ugly, red-headed, string bean moron!  She’s trying to give you a hint!   Maybe if you spent less time tricking people into think you’re a twelve year old boy and more time listening you’d get it.”  He yelled as viciously as he could pretend to.

“Oh, you have got to so very much die now little man.”  Ace said, furious and oblivious to the trick.  She side stepped Hades before rushing into Otto with her arms straight out.  Or at least she would have if Alex didn’t protect him with a wall of stone.  Alex proceeded to pummel Ace as hard as she could with rock blast after rock blast.  Ace blocked or endured each blow, thinking they had gone insane.

“Wait, stop!  Don’t hurt her too much you two!” Hades called back.  “I need her alive!”

This somehow clued Ace into the plan.  “Oh, I get it now!” She chimed.  She let her guard drop and allowed a full hit from Alex’s onslaught of stone debris to decimate her.  Otto watched on and laughed.  Panic-stricken, Hades began trying to block all the debris he could with wave after wave of souls, but it was just too much- if he blocked in front of Ace, Alex just caused an attack from behind.  If he attacked Alex directly, she’d block it with another wall of stone.

“Stopitstopitstopitstopit!” Hades cried out before flinching at the bright light emanating from Ace.  Finally the aura of the man returned.  Alex ceased her attack as Ace floated to the ground gently and stood back up.  Her posture was slightly different.  She was slouched and had one hand in her pocket.  The angle her body was turned was so her shoulder was slightly closer to the others than the other shoulder, causing her to almost look over it.  Over her was the aura of the man, as clear as ever.  He had a gentle face, emotionless, but still looked ready to take on the world.  His hair was spiked in the same fashion as Ace's and overlapped hers perfectly.  He was only slightly taller than Ace, although that could have been the aura’s shape.  Hades was more concerned with who it was than how it looked.

“Jehovah’s awake?”  He queried.  His eyes widened. “No, Jehovah’s fully healed.  He’s trying to wake up!  …Oh god..” he became nauseated.  Hades stumbled back as the wounds on Ace began to heal at breakneck speed, an almost hissing sound could be heard as steam whiffed off the individual wounds.

“I haven’t felt this good since I aced my final exam in physics.” Ace said, winking at Otto.  Otto rolled his eyes.  Her voice was unaltered, but the aura of the man mimicked her mouth movements exactly.  He mimicked all her movements, in fact, as she looked at herself to see the glow of the man surrounding her, encasing her in pure energy to form a slightly larger human around her being.

Hades shook off his sickness and came back.

“It’s okay, it’s fine, I can make this work.  I’m sorry, Ace, Jehovah, I didn’t want to do this, but now that you’re awakened, I’m afraid I have to.”  He said.  His arms turned solid black- blacker than night it seemed.  He raised them forward.  Between them sparks arced across his coat before a blue beam burst from the center and impaled Ace through the chest.  She screamed as the aura around her began to flicker.  The beam turned into an arc of electricity that continued to surge until Alex stepped in and put a wall between the two.

“What have you done?!” She yelled at Hades.  Otto rushed over to support Ace, who despite still being covered by the aura could barely stand up.

“Sealing her.  It’s a technique I learned.  Until Ace dies, Jehovah won’t wake up.  Ever!” Hades yelled out, seemingly heartbroken by this.  “It’s the only way….it’s the only way I’ll take his spot.  I’m sorry.  I really am.  And I won’t have another stunt like that one you just pulled!”  He raised his arms up again and sent another beam through the wall and Alex.  Because of her lack of an aura protecting her she was sent flying back down the street, cleaving a hole for sixty feet or so.  Ace got back up and attacked Hades, allowing Otto to run to Alex.  Her movements were new this time- she only used one hand to attack, the other still in her pocket.  Whereas Ace would normally wind up for a punch and use her flight almost entirely, She never moved off the ground.  Her attacks were lightning fast and abrupt, very little movement was required.  When attacked she would duck and weave, even turning her body to the side to minimize striking area, and become impossible to hit despite never leaving the ground save for a couple quick hops.  If an attack came that she couldn’t dodge she’d simply counter it with the littlest of problem.  Occasionally her second arm would leave her pocket to fight, but for the most part it was a one-handed combat fending off the entirety of a god.  Hades caught on quickly, however, as he began countering the attacks and delivering debilitating blows across her body.

“Ace, you’re channeling what energy you have left of Jehovah before I knocked him out.  It won’t work, you’re using all his old moves.  And I was his sparring partner from before humans evolved!” Hades called out.  He pushed her back a great distance before she stopped herself.  This time, however, she didn’t rush in.  She looked back at Alex, who was just now rising from the ground, and took a deep breath.  Removing her hand from her pocket, she took a stance similar to what Alex would do- one arm stretched, palm forward, the other by her chest, legs spread apart to give her sturdy balance- being as calm as she could and thinking before she leapt.

“Oh, what now?  Ace, please, just give up!  I don’t like hurting you anymore than I already have, and I’ve already taken out Gaia’s vas-” he couldn’t finish.  He was too surprised at the aura around Ace.  It had changed from a seemingly short man in his mid twenties to an absurdly large woman of about 400 pounds.  The aura had taken Alex’s shape.

“You- no, you can’t- you’re using Jehovah’s real power?!” Hades roared, terrified by this.  "But I sealed him!  Did you really pull that much energy before he conked out?!"  Ace moved her hands similar to how Alex would, and sure enough stone pillars rose from the ground.  Jehovah slashed at them with his black tentacles but was immediately punched by Ace while he was distracted.  Her fist was encased in sulfur and carbon, making it dense and strong.  The punch sent Hades reeling back as Ace swiftly kicked the air to make a small boulder appear.  The aura of Alex followed the movements, and looked natural for what Alex could do.  Ace grabbed the boulder in mid air and jammed it into Hades’ face, knocking him down.  The boulder then exploded into dust, leaving an impact wound on his skull and knocking him down hard.  From there she proceeded to encase Hades’ arms, legs, hands, feet, even the crown of his head in the densest stone she could conjure. 

“God your way out of that, b***h!” Ace yelled.  The aura of Alex vanished and she dashed back to the others.  All three rushed for the gate at the other side of the city as fast as they could. 

“Wait!  Come back!”  Hades called, struggling to break the prison.  He finally cracked and smashed the bonds but the three were so far ahead Hades had to zoom through the air to catch up.  It was a mad race to the exit as Hades sent burst after burst of mournful souls at the three.  Ace dissipated them with her blasts, or Alex would hurl a stone behind her to break them up.  Eventually the three made it to the gate and slammed it in Hades’ face.  Alex pulled up dense rock to seal the gate for good, stopped Hades in his tracks.

“No!  D****t, no!  Get back here!” He yelled back.  He was unable to pass the barrier, and the forcefield above him wouldn’t let him fly out.  He frantically smashed the barrier bit by bit but could only chip it each time.  By the time he was through, the three were long gone.  Hades roared in anger as he realized he lost before collapsing to the ground.

“They didn’t even try the Devil cake….” He lamented.

Author's Note

My interpretation of Hell. It's probably a little nicer than other people's vision of it, and the evil still do get punished- They're thrown into lava where they feel the unyielding pain of...well, BEING THROWN INTO LAVA while never being able to die or succumb to the pain.