[untitled]

i scream while sliding down a hill
grasping at some weeds
whose faces smile down at me
as i spread their seeds

the policeman beats
the first grader
the AA member grabs
a drink
the housewife swallows little pills
she says they help her think.
the football player
snorts a line
the banker keeps your cash
the nurse
sets 12 year old preteens baby's
down into the trash

the vegan eats a
cheesebuger
the hippie grabs his gun
the soldier beats a foreigners wife
and says lets have some fun
the honors student writes the answers
underneath his sleave
the gangster donates to the church
while his lawyers smoke more weed

and so the seeds are sown
and reaped
the cliff is drawing near
it sort of makes me wonder
now,
what do i have to fear?

Reviews

[Anatar]

Its seemingly lackadaisically random but has a unified message of coping without the scrambling at loss. I like it. Its not pitiful, yet it points at everything that should be. Unique vantage point. I do agree with the former review: it is rough at points, and most disappointing is that it trips when the reader gets the rhythm down. Conclusion is powerful, to say the least, because it leaves you empowered yourself, ready to do all taboos mentioned either in spite or courage. Develop your style and you have some real potential.

[J. P. Wickwire]

Falling, but the world around you is crashing down. So what have you to fear? Hmmm... interesting concept.

I would have liked to see it with some punctuation, actually. It reads like a prose poem, which are difficult to come by. You should try and smooth it out a little. It has potential!

Keep writing!
-J. P.