Dancing partner

This is a romantic short story having suspense

 

Dancing partner

 

Today is friday night and my friend has invited me for the party at yacht as today is his engagement. They were living in USA for past 5 years working as software engineer, and now they decided to get married so they have thrown a lavish party. Whole place is being decorated with tulips and Orchids. Champagne is flowing. Everybody is drinking, talking and eating food but I am sitting in a corner as I am feeling lonely and sad, it doesn't mean I don't know anybody here , everybody around here are my college friends with whom I have enjoyed a lot that I can never forget. Eating Maggie in canteen at night of study. Celebrating birthday at 12 in night by kicking at bumps. I still remember the kick of banarjee. When it was last day of the college everybody was tearful as the newly married girl who is leaving her father's house. This is a moment of mixed feeling as we are tearful that we are parting our ways and on other hand we are putting our foot forward towards new phase of life where we have to proof our worth.

I know both of the person well as they are my classmates. Their love story is also very strange as in first year they don’t like each other but gradually they fall in love. Love is such a strange bond which ties two strangers together and becomes stronger even then the family bond. People in love are willing to do anything in love and this is the only bond which can span multiple births. This bond is also very flexible as it can be easily broken if people in love let ego come in between of them. Love is strong only if the people in love believe in each other and do not expect anything in return. I am sad that I have failed in this pursuit of love and I have come alone in this party where everybody else is with their partner.

I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that i got started when it was announced that now it’s time to dance. I was reluctant to standup as I have come alone and feeling quite low. It was a mask dance where everybody has to wear a mask so nobody knows about the partner. I was also forced to wear a mask and make to stand with all others. In this we are supposed to make pair with the person who is wearing same mask. The music begins and everybody start looking for partner with same mask. I was silently standing in a corner making no effort at all. I then saw a girl coming towards me wearing the same mask. She was looking pretty in long red dress. I was not able to deny her request as others were looking in our way. We started dancing slowly on music. The smell of her perfume made me remember somebody, who else but my girlfriend. We have broken up on some petty issue and our ego was stopping us to say sorry to each other. She seems to enjoy dancing as her steps match with music. I have to also dance to make pace with her. While dancing with her I again started thinking about my past. We used to enjoy dance a lot, we have even won best dancing couple award.

I came in present when the music stops. I was going to thanks the girl for dancing with me but she was walking towards the terrace. I went after her to terrace and just when I was going to says thanks to her I saw her eyes through the mask. I cannot forget those big blue eyes, undoubtedly she was my girlfriend. I was so thankful to God for giving me one more chance after 2 years, yes it was 2 long years since we were parted. I took her hand in my hand and when I was going to say sorry to her she shut down my mouth with her hand. We both removed our masks there was tears in both of our eyes.

This was the perfect reunion as it was the full moon night and breeze was cool.

 

 

Reviews

The story itself is filled with sentiment, hope and emotion and very much worth telling... I did enjoy it and could hear the music in my mind as they swayed and danced to a new future.
There are some minor corrections needed but that is simply my opinion. In case you are interested here is an example of one:
( Everybody is drinking, talking and eating food but I am sitting in a corner as I am feeling lonely and sad, it doesn't mean I don't know anybody here , everybody around here are my college friends with whom I have enjoyed a lot that I can never forget.)
In this sentence, it is a bit too long. and the words are not smooth... my corrections below.

Everybody is drinking, talking and eating food (yet) I (find myself lonely in the corner with sadness as my partner.) New sentence: I know plenty of people here, most are college friends that shared a major part of my life.

I hope you see the difference and hope you are not offended... As the writer, you know how you want it to read...The choice is yours, if it were my writing I would first read it aloud and the sentences that are too long will poke out as you will find yourself having to stop to breath several times...
I did like the story and the hope it offered these two young friends...

[Greendot the Storytelle..]

I see this story as a snapshot, perhaps a dream. It really takes the reader on a journey into the very centre of this wedding celebration. The champagne, the food, the dancing and the thoughts of love - these are all the elements of a wedding night that are universal across cultures all around the world. I feel that you pained that picture, set the scene very well.

I have to say, however, that there are certain grammatical shortcomings in your story, such as the suffixes missing from certain verb forms, or troubles with the definite/indefinite pronouns. If you wish, I can give you a more in-depth review with more examples.

There's nothing worse than being alone at a wedding, so despite the sad beginning of this story, you turned it around and made it into a happy ending! It was heartwarming.

[msharma]

Fully sentimental contemporary story.Well picturised.Keep it up!

[Confuser]

The story reveals insecurities, love lost, regain and so much emotion. I did enjoy the imagery too, the red dress and dance - the only thing probably would be some grammar. The talk of love, marriage and the ceremony. Thank you. I will put it in my library to read again. I have only attempted one story, so you have a big one up on me. Thank you again. Do you write poetry? That's about all I have. Tell me what you think.

[Laura Lynn]

This is so perfect, why cannot my life be like this...OMG! I can't believe it,

[Deepshikha De]

This was a simple story nicely woven. However, there are some grammatical errors. Apart from that, it was enjoyable.

[Jen]

Nice sentimental story. Shobhit, your language is continuously going and easy...Thank you for sharing this. Keep it up!

[Eleanor]

The story is really good and I like it. I enjoyed reading this. Though a few corrections can make it so much better. Flow matters a lot. Dont use unnecessary words. Try to explain everything with less words. Example-

"Today is friday night and my friend has invited me for the party at yacht as today is his engagement. They were living in USA for past 5 years working as software engineer, and now they decided to get married so they have thrown a lavish party. Whole place is being decorated with tulips and Orchids. Champagne is flowing. Everybody is drinking, talking and eating food but I am sitting in a corner as I am feeling lonely and sad"

It could be like- It's Friday and I'm at a yacht at my friend's engagement. They lived in the USA for past few years working as software engineers. They decided to get married and the arrangements are really expensive and beautiful. Whole place is decorated with tulips and orchids. Everybody is drinking champagne, talking and eating yet I'm sitting alone in the corner with an empty stomach and sadness."
The reader should not get bored. Dont get discouraged. There's so much to learn :) Would love to read more by you! Great story.

[Avanthika]

This story of yours is unique in its way, its good for reading , slight grammatical mistakes , the rest is good.

[The Black Warrior]

I really enjoyed reading this story, It contains a mix of emotion...sadness, hopefuness, loneliness, and then a unioin of both love and happiness. Good job you captured the momeny greatly.

Thank u for sharing!

[Jennie Baron]

This is an absolutely lovely story! A happy ending and a reunion that seemingly was fate. I hope you won't be offended if I say that the English needs some work. I won't go into detail, as I'm not here to correct people's English except in very general fashion. One of the things I noticed most was the absence of the article "the" where it is required. Also, some of the phrases aren't quite standard and would sound more natural in English if rephrased. All that said, the story itself is emotional and touching. Great work!