Prolouge: Burning City

Letting a ten year old watch her home burn down isn't exactly something you should do.  My brother Cooper didn't know this at the time, and I don't blame him.  He was a brother not someone meant to be like a parent to me.

 

I remember watching the city, or my home, catch fire.  I don't know how it started, but it did.  One little spark, and the whole city was in flames.  It was so hypnotizing at first.  I remember standing there in that white night gown with the wind blowing.

 

My eyes were locked on to the orange and yellow flames dancing around the city destroying everything it touched and growing in size.  I was afraid, but part of me wanted to stay in that moment forever.  Just watching everything I knew disappear before my eyes, and forever feeling helpless.  Most people wouldn't want to feel helpless forever, but at that moment I did.  It's hard to explain, but watching the fire helped me realize that I was just a small, unimportant dot, that could be taken away quickly like this city.

 

After a few minutes Cooper grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.  To this day, he says he wasn't crying, but I know I saw tears in his eyes shining in the light that the fire was giving.

 

Then, we started to walk away from the burning city leaving everything behind.  My family, my friends, and everything I knew about myself.

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

First off, I am no expert. What I offer here is nothing more than my opinions. I'm no bestselling author, in fact I don't even think that I ever even got an "A" in an English class. But I'll tell you what I liked and what I thought seemed a little off. I'm not trying to make myself feel important (I hate when people do that) I'm just telling you what I think. That being said, I'll go ahead and review:

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"My eyes were locked on to the orange and yellow flames dancing around the city destorying everything it touched and growing in size."

This sentence has a little grammatical niggle, "flames" is the plural form of a noun, but you say ...

"... dancing around the city destorying everything it touched ..."

... also, the spell-checer in the comment box caught you misspelling "destorying", should be "destroying".
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I stumble over the next few sentences a bit. You wrote ...

"I was afraid, but part of me wanted to stay in that moment forever. Just watching everything I knew disappear before my eyes."

... but how would this sound to you in it's place ...

"Though I was shivering and afraid, part of me wanted to stay in that moment forever and watch everything I knew disappear before my eyes."
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"After a few minutes Cooper grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. To this very day, he says hee wasn't crying, but I know I saw tears in his eyes shining fromt he light the fire was giving."

This paragraph has a few issues ... "hee" is misspelled ... You typed "fromt he", clearly a typo.

In my opinion, "To this very day ..." is over dramatic, it really doesn't need "very".

Lastly, I think that his eyes would be shining in the light rather than from the light.

As I said, I don't mean to be a pompous blow-hard in offering this review. I want to be helpful. We are all always anxious to post our work and get feedback, but I would suggest always taking the time to read over it so you can catch careless mistakes. Also I suggest a program like Natural Reader, found at http://www.naturalreaders.com/index.htm ... it is an app that will read your text back to you. This is great for catching careless mistakes and listening for style. The prologue did pique my curiosity, which is good, but I would suggest cleaning it up a bit.

[Dreamer<3]

Um, WOW. This is an extremely good hook. Like, I really wanna read the next chapter. You always do this to me. RR the next chapter(:

[Roxi L]

Sounds interesting. It caught me.

Writing keeps the dream alive
~Roxi/V~

[Krystal Nicole]

Great start!! I love the descriptions. Good job. .

[TheElfPrincess]

It sounds very interesting. I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but that doesn't matter. It's a good beginning. Go on!

[Daydreamer54]

fromt he light the fire was giving.-from the light of the fire.
Awesome prologue!i think i heard somelike this like there was a fire in chicago like that back in the 40's (I think it was the forites, mabe after.) Anyway, can't wait for more! ^^