Numb

When we feel numb enough to not feel hurt...

Numb

 

When I was little,

I never understood

How the world

Used to function.

Twisted and rude…

And I was always

Rejected by it.

Rejected in love,

In friendship

And by family.

 

It was getting lonely

All by myself.

I used to often,

Think about the things

I might talk about,

When I made friends…

But that only made

My sadness grow by

Leaps and bounds…

No one to talk to,

No one listen to,

No one to lend a shoulder,

When times turned dark…

I felt empty

And the void,

Consuming me…

 

So I made up my mind

To try and fit in.

It was a foolish dream.

A fool’s errand.

But, back then, it meant

Having the company

That longed for

So desperately…

It meant that this loneliness

Would not haunt me..

No, not anymore.

Or so I thought…

 

I tried to get along,

Laughed at things

Just ‘cause they called it funny,

Never talking, only listening…

Listening to them making

Fun of me behind my back.

I was caught between bullies.

And I had nowhere to run to.

 

I wanted to escape!

To break free from their

Chains of friendship.

I was living a nightmare,

And they were the ghosts there.

I was scared to lose

The friends I had made…

But could even call them friends?

 

I had made a mistake

Of taking purgatory for paradise.

I thought, I might as well,

Take a chance…

A chance of letting them go.

So, I Ran Away.

 

Soon, all the pain and hurt

Was gone…

I neither cried nor complained.

Just endured it all alone…

But this silence,

No longer hurt…

 

And even today, as I

Live surrounded by so many people…

I wonder why they all seem to know me,

And yet, we are like strangers…

But it doesn’t hurt anymore,

Because this silence speaks to me…

No, it doesn’t hurt anymore…

Because I’ve become so Numb.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Well, that's another set of feelings into words. Please do review.

Reviews

[1Disawsum]

"To try and fit in.
It was a foolish dream.
A fool’s errand."

AND

"I had made a mistake
Of taking purgatory for paradise."

Wow. Simply wow! Breathtaking, one that uses every word to flow and keep the poem going. Not one word is simply used to fill in the space. And every word has its own special reason of being there.

I wish I could become numb to the hurt and rejection, but sadly it never goes away! But still a very true poem, as the world, well, it's not a nice place. Only Disney movies make it seem like that! You've written a better poem than me, talking about the nastiness of the world and its occupants!

GREAT JOB!!! Well done, you did yourself proud xxx

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot 1Diawsum! I'm sure your poem was better by a huge notch.... atleast that's what I feel! :)

[1Disawsum]

Nope, definitely disagree with you on that! haha but thanks anyway xxx

[Moonlight]

You are welcome!

[Country Girl46]

I appreciate this poem. I, too, feel very numb. My voice is unheard, friends, that's a launch. Now I don't feel like I am the only one NUMB!

[Moonlight]

Of course you are not the only one.. :)

[Vishuddha]

Has no one ever told you that each of us is here on their own, and that everyone is more alone, than anyone else can imagine? Standing up to whatever you meet, you can overcome almost any defeat. Lonely is only a strange state of mind. Be your own friend and maybe you'll find, you already have everything that you need. But, I see you already found this out.

[Moonlight]

I guess that is true... Thanks for reviewing.. ! :)

[Demici]

I felt the pain of loneliness and the hurt that comes with trying to be who you are not. We live in a world where we are alone. Thank you for sharing this.

[Moonlight]

My pleasure. Thanks a lot for reviewing. :)

[ANTO]

Its very possible to be lonely in rooms full of people you know - you just dont have any connection with them at a deeper level. Its superficial. The brain can engage but the heart and soul are screaming "Get us out of here - we want to feel other beings not just converse with them"
Numb - thats exactly how I feel now Shivangi. You wrote me and lots of others here (judging by the mood) but unlike Pink Floyd its not very comfortable, this feeling.
I connected with this very deeply my friend. Thank you for the sharing of it...

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot Anto. And indeed there is truth in what you speak. :)

[Suvada]

its just so breathtaking and it speaks it really does

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot Suvada! :)

[Suvada]

no problem :)

[Bee C.]

There is so much honesty in this, and I could feel your disappointment and desires as I read it. When silence becomes the thing you live in and live by, you do wish that you could flick an off switch on your emotions sometimes. I feel that. The world is not always a pleasant place and rarely an easy one. But we all each have our ways to keep going through it, until eventually it isn't as much of a struggle.

But wow, this nearly brought tears to my eyes. I love your work so much, but oh does it affect me...

"I had made a mistake/Of taking purgatory for paradise." What a line! I had to re-read it a few times because I was awestruck by it. You have a real way with words, you know. Keep going, love.

[Moonlight]

Thanks so much Bee C. I really appreciate your kind words. And it really really means a lot! Thanks so much for reviewing! :)

[El Chico]

i like the honesty, sounds like teenage angst. thanks moonlight for sharing it.

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot El Chico! :)

[Lizardo]

Well, You described my life....
There isn't more to say, you've left me without words
I can't really find the words to describe this beautiful poem, almost made me cry..
''Just listening, quiet and listening'' I still do that....
I've become so numb...
This is AH! Can't find words to describe this amazing amazing poem
Great work, Really you've deserved many applauses and a nobel prize for this one

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot! I guess that is something we have in common! :)

[Lizardo]

I guess it's true :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Sometimes, we have no choice but to be alone. In order to love and be loved by others, we must first love and be comfortable with who we are as individuals. It's not always easy, but we all have our coping mechanisms. Our secrets and dreams often keep up going, but we should never be ashamed of who we are. I really enjoyed the depth and truth you put into this! I've really missed reading your work.

[Moonlight]

Why Thank you so much Svetlana! I really appreciate it! :)

[ms. barrie]

Wonderful write, very moving and unfortunately relatable.
I enjoyed the rhyming scheme and fluidity. Thank you for sharing

[Moonlight]

I'm sorry about whatever happened. And thank you so much for your review! :)

[ms. barrie]

Nothing happened, but unfortunately it does happen.
You're welcome

[Moonlight]

Oh I am so sorry! I am such an idiot...! I shoudn't have said something like that! I really am sorry...

[ms. barrie]

No worries...it's a great write :)

[Moonlight]

Thanks a lot once again! :)

[ms. barrie]

You're welcome :)