What You Do To Me

Dark fiction poetry... The words just poured out of me.

The touch that drove me out

The pain that started to cloud

The hate that started to flow

The blood that I have shed,

Just trying to stay ahead

You come around just to watch,

Hoping to watch me self-destruct

Beaten from  your twisted game

Congratulations, you've finally  won

Look at what you've done to me.

 

Reviews

[Angel Veselinov]

Really nice poem. Nice flow and construction. Not on last place intriguing and interesting story and wisdom gained from it. Thanks for sharing.

[Ashley]

i like that its short and powerfull and the lines flow well.
"You come around just to watch,

Hoping to watch me self-destruct" change the seond watch to somethings it makes it sound strange. well done for another good poem

[KatiePie]

I like how short and yet powerful it is, great write!

[Angelphires]

Very interesting piece, and yet i relate to some of the points made here. lol

[creativekat]

i physical sign of pain! that b***h..... lol

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was like seeing a nail being driven into the wood until the head is no longer visible. This was some hardcore emotion.

[Molafvt]

Very nicely expressed. Your demise is written into every word, not requiring a long and overworked dissertation on pain. It is efficiently convincing and blunt, yet I hear the back beat of your musical Spirit behind the words. A certain undeniable rhythm which is you, embedded like a secret code to be unraveled. This circumstance of which you so poetically describe, is not a pretty picture at all, but a wonderful pronouncement of injustice and the misery of love's delusions. I like the flow, structure and honesty of this. A great "Mirror" from any angle..........!

[the-One-with-the-Darkne..]

Very good. I like this.

[Cassiopia Summers]

I like the fact that even without rhyme this poem flows easily. The poem is short and simple, but the meaning is good. I love the poem.

[J. R.]

I like how you kept the flow going without using rhymes in the last part.
It flows really well to create this mood of hurt and anger that I found very interesting.