I AM RED

 

 

Tick tick.

Tick tick,

Time’s gone yet the time has arrived.

 

……

Its slit,

Its dripping,

And I see it all around,

Red.Red is the colour.

 

Red on my dress,

A white gown, I loved,

But he loved his mannequin in red,

Yes, it’s red now.

 

Red on my white skin,

It’s wet all over,

That’s how he loved his doxy,

Yes, its wet now.

 

Red in the tub,

Tub, his place to have a ball,

(And my place to purify my body with holy water.)

That’s where he loved his arm-piece in,

Yes, I’m in tub, drenched!

 

Its slit,

Its dripping,

I am red.

The way he loved!!!

 

Reviews

[Edward Beaman]

A woman's suicide after heartbreak. That is what I get from this. The subject is deep and important. However I think you could give this more body and spice (for want of a better word).

"Time's gone and time has arrived" - A little nonsensical, I believe I understand what you are getting at but perhaps adding 'the' before the second 'time' would be more appropriate.

"Red, red is the color." - I have a crazy suggestion for this. Too many 'reds' in two lines. How about "Wine? red is the color." It makes it a little more mysterious and links the usual alcoholic link to dramatic acts. Take it or leave it, maybe a totally ridiculous suggestion on my part. :)

"Thats where he loved his armpiece in" - I don't understand this. Armpiece?

"am in tub" - Maybe 'I'm'? Poetic license is great but not in this case. It looks untidy.

"
Its slit,
Its dripping,
I am red,
The way he loved !!!" - Great last verse, really good.

I like this poem, but I just feel it needs more work on it. The subject you've chosen is excellent though.
:)

[Joy C]

It's chilling, yet you never directly mentioned suicide. Great write~!

[DarkAngelWriter]

Interesting. Definately a good submission for "Suicide".

[Rain]

Wow,
A very powerful, ironic poem of love and tragedy. At last he had her the way he liked her. A sweet revenge left by her. Very creative. Rain..

[.]

Woh, definitely emotional and deep. I could feel her desperateness and sadness in this piece. It is sooooooooo sad when a woman (especially a woman) takes her own life. If i had a beautiful girlfriend who (god forbid) took her own life, I'd do the same, just to be with her, forever. Very heartbreaking, hun. Great poem. *Hugs*

Mikey

[Kyle A. Smith]

I like the phrase I am red.
It seems...
different I guess you'd say.


its nice to read something like this.

[Gary H]

I'm guessing my 'take' on this one is going to be different from others below. Is this lust for blood about satisfying the demons inside? Or is this about the demon who is hiding in the shadows making demands on the you (the 'I')?
There's a hint of madness in this which makes the read eerie, or maybe it's the hard facts of what is happening and what you are doing......

[Imperfection]

I never understood what made the heartbroken attempt/commit suicide until one day, I experienced those feelings for myself. I realized then that when you give your everything to something which turns to nothing, it's very hard to keep oneself stable.

This piece gives a very real insight into the mind of the individual. Very painful to read but that's the way it is.

[Going...going...gone!]

Fascinating!

How love can make one hurt oneself, to the extent of driving one to suicide...your image next to the title suggests that as well....

You loved him...no, you still love him...and so you get yourself made the way he had once loved you....

"But he loved his mannequin in red,
Yes, it's red now."

"That's how he loved his doxy,
Yes, its wet now."

"That's where he loved his arm-piece in,
Yes, I'm in tub, drenched!"

"I am red.
The way he loved!!!"


Simply fabulous! Love this piece as well...great read!

May God Bless You!

[Candle in the wind]

Used to wonder what desperation prompts people to hurt themselves...the tempation or the urge comes often I guess in a moment of pain but to actually slit ones self and let the blood flow is when the pain inside proves sharper and more potent than pain without and numbs all fear...
But still when people set themselves ablaze I cant reconcile myself to it.

[Legion]

Talk about giving it your all. Good piece.