Bolted Doors

 

A shrill sound of cheerful laugh,
chases me,chases me to the farthest corner.

I sit alone gazing out of the window,
a glass pane hiding half the view.
I see the black clouds, covering the dark sky,
stars struggle hard to shove away the clouds and show off their timid light.
A tree stands shivering in the cold wind,
a leaf following the other leaf,
blown off its existence, tries to find its way in the disoriented wind.
I am so engrossed in this game of searching existence
when a chilly breeze passes by my cold cheeks, pinching them hard.
And the shrill sound of laugh stirs me from within, again.
A laugh which reflects content, happiness, trust, love and yet shrill to my ears.
I run, I scream, I screech....And my ears pain...
The black clouds come gushing towards my window,
leaves turn sharp swords and sway towards the window.

I run to bolt all the doors and windows tight.....Block all the ways to my ears.
And come back to sit at the dingiest corner,
And yet the sound finds its path to my scared ears.

Eyes closely pressed, scared to open,
And just something touches me,
a leaf, fluttering in the air,
touching the ground and making its way to me.
Oh, it doesnt pain, its not a sword !
I stretch my hand and pick it up on my palm
and see it closely, a dried leaf, detached from the tree, harmless.
An enthusiastic flier, closed withing the bolted doors.
I get up and reach for the window, open a pane, the air blows in and the leaf just flies away from my hand.
I stand gazing out of the half closed window
and the sound of the laugh reaches my ears again,
the shrill laugh follows again,

And just then a wild wind, forceful wind just thursts opens the other glass pane of the window,
the view is no-more Half.
 

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

This is an exciting poem, full of imagery and passion.
About being torn, used , tossed about by your emotions.
Meanings may be lost, but the emotion in this piece
and the brilliant writing will stand for ages.
--- Eagle Cruagh

[Kate]

I really like the beginning of this poem; you depicted the scene with a writer's elegantly maddened touch. The second part I had to read twice, because your imagery seemingly stopped abruptly, but when I went back, I saw it, hidden and subtle. Your writing technique is incredibly inspiring; don't stop!

Kate

[Lola Nation]

shrill sound of laughter stirs me from within [good tone shrill really makes a difference in the sound]

Suggestions for line breaks:

I sit alone gazing out of the window,
a glass pane hiding half the view.
I see the black clouds, covering the dark sky,
stars struggle to shove away the clouds [remove hard - struggling conveys well]
and show off their timid light.

A tree stands shivering in the cold wind,
a leaf following the other leaf,
blown off its existence
tries to find its way in the disoriented wind. [great imagery]

I am so engrossed in this game of searching FOR existence
when a chilly breeze passes
by my cold cheeks, pinching them hard.
the shrill sound of laughter stirs me from within, again. [remove And]
laughter reflecting contentedness, happiness,
trust, love

still, a shrill to my ears. (itals)

I run, I scream, I screech
My ears pain...
The black clouds come gushing towards my window, [gushing?]
leaves become sharp swords swaying towards the window.

I run to bolt all the doors and windows tight.....
Block all the pathways to my ears.
Come back to sit at the dingiest corner,

The sound finds its path to my scared ears. (itals)

Eyes closely pressed, scared to open,
And just something touches me, [use thesaurus for term other than something - breeze, essence of ________, make us see "something"]
a leaf, fluttering in the air,
touching the ground and making its way to me.

Oh, it doesnt pain, its not a sword ! (itals)

I stretch my hand and pick it up on my palm
see it closely, a dried leaf, detached from the tree, harmless.
An enthusiastic flier, closed withing the bolted doors. [enthusiastic flyer - nice]
I get up and reach for the window,
open a pane,
the air blows in and the leaf flies away
from my hand. [grasp?]

I stand gazing out of the half closed window [half closed and not half open 'eh]
the sound reaches my ears again, [save laughter for next line description]
the shrilling laughter follows again,

a wild forceful wind just thrusts open
the other glass pane of the window,
the view is no-more
Half.

[Shannon K.]

I think it is nicley written, with a lot of good imagery and words/ phrases that appeal to the senses. I think that it is a bit scattered, as in it goes from describing the night to describing how you feel in the night, which I like, but I think it could be organized a bit better. Overall, I think it was beautifully written, but could use some touch ups to make it better.S.k.

[Melina]

Very nice poem. You show a lot of emotion in here, happy, sad...Great write! I especially like this part: "stars struggle hard to shove away the clouds and show off their timid light"...its as if you are the star and are trying to shine through all of your hard times and hard times. Its as if the clouds are your worries and you push them out the way.. i enjoyed reading this, keep writing! :)

[Bee]

*stars struggle hard to shove away the clouds and show off their timid light.*

what an amazing line
the imagery, the personification, is so amazing
this is totally in sync with shelley's "ode to the west wind"
beautiful..

i could jus about feel it!

well done

[Kevin Connolly]

Laughter brings you to the window, in search of existence. The laugh is shrill to your ears, you try to lock yourself in but a leaf flats in - not a sword. The leaf blows away, then you hear the laugh again = and you're blown out the window. I think.
Good stuff, Shinjini.

[Frances Lennon]

A very interesting write. Quite different sort of poem, a short story really. It kept my interest all the way through. I think `laughter` would sound better in the 12th line rather than laugh. A good write.
Frances.

[Sonashree]

The poem is thought provoking and sensitive.
It reflects some inexplicable pain within you. Images are expressive too.

[Indira]

very expressive.....good work.