Suspended somewhere

 

I belong to nowhere, no-one,

Suspended somewhere is my existence in dark,

Feel no gravity of destiny.

 

Author's Note

Well i had tried to write a haiku...but perhaps no-one liked it since it hardly had a structure similar to haiku so i am changing it genre to poetry.

Reviews

[Damien Dsoul]

I'm never the sort who enjoys rating or grading poems. I'm more a reader than a critic. Your poem is fascinating, almost like watching a suspended animation: the tone is sombre and forlone with no sense of equivocation, the imagery is dark and sure is enticing ... enchanting.

[Tania Leigh]

You could do a Haiku if you wanted to, but you would lose a lot of the essence of your original.

You could always go the other way and expand it, doing a Tanka Poem, which is 5-7-5-7-7.

Or you could leave it as is, which I think is just fine :-) Great pic, too!

[Imperfection]

Nice piece.

Very powerful last line.

However, the 5-7-5 pattern has not been followed. I see that Legion has given a clear explanation below.

[Legion]

Just remember (and someone may have said this already), it is 5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables. Not 5 words - 7 words - 5 words. Also, haikus tend to be more expressive about things in nature. Although, I've written a few that weren't myself. Now, as for the poem, I like this. It speaks of despair with no direction. Living in limbo. You have hit that nail on the head. Great write (even if it isn't an actual haiku). Kudos.

[Gary H]

Read this loads of times now and can see all sorts of possibilities and curiousities within it. For me that is the essence of a haiku - leaving me scratching my head thinking I was sure I knew the answer but wasn't quite there.
Another way of monitering success of these writings is to see if the reviews are longer than the work themselves!
Enjoyed this and am thinking all the time now......

[Nicholas Hallows]

I don't know if you can really call it a haiku, as I'm sure you're fed up of hearing now. But it is definitely a success as a poem. NH

[.]

There's a lot i like about this little poem. Kinda reminds me of myself and the current status im in hehe. Yea, lonliness will tear you to shreds, and i feel my scars from it everyday. Very good job with this, and very beautiful pictures :) *Hugs*

Mikey

[None]

There seems to be a matter of fact type of feeling here through the isolation portrayed--almost welcomed. Excellent how this works together to paint a story of solace in within few words.

[George Love]

Love the picture, love the meaning behind the poem. As a haiku it missed the 5-7-5 pattern, but you'll get it before long!

[Raef C. Boylan]

Yours is five words, seven words, five words;
"existence", for example, has 3 syllables: ex-ist-ence
so your haiku goes
8 - 12 - 9

Is that ok, or not a very clear explanation?

[Raef C. Boylan]

5 syllables - 7 syllables - 5 syllables
I'm pretty sure that's the rule for a traditional haiku, but maybe yours is a different kind?

It's an intriguing little piece though; intense for so few words.
Nice work.

Thanks for sharing it.