Raw

I don't understand why you can't just be there for me when I need you to be. I say our relationship is young. You refuse to agree with me, sucking me into your elusive, imaginary world, deceiving my innocent mind, coaxing me, helplessly, to internalize every last bit of your word. 

But what now? What now, when my walls are crumbling down around me and you've made a space for yourself in every possible cell in my body. What now when I've let go of every single one of my admonitions? What now? When I am completely and utterly yours?

You cradle my face, assuring me that there's nothing in the world that we can't face together. You say that there is nothing that can get you down with me by your side. But what about me? What about what I want, what I need?

I need you more than you could ever even hope to imagine. 

I miss us. I miss us so darn much, you have no idea. I miss how you used to look at me, as if I held the key to unlocking all the secrets in the universe. You used to make sacrifices, you used to not assume, you used to make an effort to understand how I was feeling and put your heart and soul into making me feel better. Where are you now? Why do I feel so alone even when I'm by your side.

Soul-mates. That's what you call us. I know this will hurt you if you ever read it but I just can't help feeling it. I do not know how to express myself around you anymore.

I am terrified of the way you perceive me because I just cannot bear to lose you. But where do I truly let out my emotions? Where do I truly let go? Where I can set myself free?

I used to know the answer. I used to know myself. Now, I just feel like a lost kite trying to find it's way back home, a home it doesn't even know exists anymore. 

"Why are you bothered?" "Are you bothered?" Your two favorite questions for me. I lost the capacity to answer them a long time back. I don't know myself anymore. I just do not.

I need to find myself.

Reviews

[RenMc]

In love with this. This felt as if it was my life written out. Finally finding something and someone who knows the pain is a beautiful thing. you wrote this wonderfully. And in the greatest heart aches and breaks will come something we never expected. Thank you for sharing this! Purely amazing

[shiningrubies]

Thank you so much! It means so much to me :)