Those Red Heels

I hear a sound, it must be them.

I hear a laugh, it must be her.

Walking past

Quick! look down..

There she goes!

Hmm the smell of red roses

This wall that keeps us apart

This cubic feet of disbelief

Oh how could we have this thing 

That we so desperately desire for it to be removed

Day after day weeks after weeks 

Those red heels walks right past me

Not a word, not a hi 

She doesn't notice that I am even alive

Those red heels will kill me soon 

If I don't say something soon

The smell each day 

The walks each day 

the clicks of her heels are driving me insane

PLEASE dont say you wont go out with me

For your love is all I need 

If you take it away 

I will be forced to leave

I just cant stay 

Knowing that this wall that is next to us is 

Keeping you away

I hope you will say...

Yes to the date.

Reviews

[Missiannelli]

'Oh those red heels! Hope she said yes to the date :) I really enjoyed it! Grrrrrreat job.

[Shimae Parks]

thank you so much means a lot!

[Jennifer Johnston]

Really charming writing! I love the characterization of the red heels. Also, your word choice is often spot on, and feels like it all fits together like puzzle pieces. In some places, I think you can sharpen up your meter to make it more rhythmic. One place is "That we so desperately desire for it to be removed." Choosing some shorter words might help it flow more easily. That, or you can make the section underneath slightly longer. Really nice work here!

[Shimae Parks]

Since Im not a guy hehe I tried to imagine what some one would feel like if they were trying to win a girls heart thank you for your review :)

[A. Amos]

Your passion for writing is deeply felt...good job

[Shimae Parks]

thank you means a lot to me!

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome my dear

[Goat]

Nice job, this poem is well written and has a great story in it. It's difficult having a crush on someone, especially if they don't even notice your there.

[Shimae Parks]

thank you for your review it means a lot

[FireFox9]

Cool, I like it. It flows well and you obviously worked hard on it. Fox-

[Shimae Parks]

thank you for your review it means a lot