Wild Animals Are Meant To Be Free!

A serial Killer is on the prowl, two cops are pursuing with clues and their assumptions. This is a Prequel to my another story 'Jailbreak'

Eddie was in his police car sitting deep in his thoughts. The car was driven by his partner, Joe. As the car sped ahead Eddie’s thoughts drifted backward. He was not relieved from the shock of what he saw, a few minutes ago in that lonely house in that eerie place.  The moment he landed in that place a strange feeling started to itch his spine.  The house was surrounded by tall trees, shielding out the sunlight that must reach the house.  As he and Joe moved near the house they saw a snake coming out from the door. It was a shiny black one; it moved swiftly through the leaves and disappeared into the woods.

Joe took out his pistol and shoved the door slowly and opened it. He first frowned at what he saw inside and then took his hat off. He looked around for the sings of any human alive. He saw Eddie hesitatingly standing outside. Joe took his radio and mumbled something into it, probably confirming the crime scene and calling for forensic. Eddie stood outside hesitatingly.

Eddie said “How’s it?”

Joe replied “why don’t you come inside and take a look at the beauty. The way she lays is enough to keep you awake steaming in the bed.”

Eddie moved slowly inside as if his feet were wearing lead boots.

“Agh!” he almost puked. The girl was lying naked in a puddle of blood. The eyes almost popped out. The mouth was still revealing it’s aghast of the monstrosity she has gone through. There were cuts and bruises all over. Her stomach was cut open reveling the intestines haphazardly stretching to the floor.

“You are right Joe, that’s enough to keep me awake for many nights, would you mind closing those eyes?”

Joe leaned down and closed the eyes and he said “she is still hot”

“How could you be so mean?”

“Chill mate, look at the blood it’s still moving. What I meant was the condition of the corpse. And that means we are late by an hour or so”

“Hmm…how about the alphabet ‘L’ engraved on her right thigh.

“ooow! That’s an intentional mark” Joe leaned to take a better look at it. Then he raised his voice and said “hey Eddie! Come over here, did you see this?”

Eddie looked intuitively, it was a mark made of blood. It was like the paw trace of some animal.

Joe “it seems like it was the work of a two feet animal”

“Can you keep the sarcasm to yourself? Do you have any idea about the informer?”

Eddie was thrown out from his thoughts by a sudden jerk. And before he was relived there was another jerk from the back wheels.

He heard a dog squealing loud in pain. Joe stopped the car. Both of them turned the head backward to see their victim. They saw a black dog getting up and running away, as if nothing has happened.

Joe “Lucky Dog, but it scared the dog out of me.”

-----------------------------

Soon they were back in their office. Joe was sipping a cup of coffee. Eddie was browsing through the photographs of the murdered girl, on his table.

Joe spoke -“Damn! This was the second murder in a month. Both victims have no relation and nothing in common. Annie, the girl murdered in the lone house of Industrial Area was a student and this girl Lisa, was a nurse. They belong to two different families of two different regions. Probably they never crossed each other in their life. And the only thing that connects them is the killer. What do you think Eddie?”

Eddie folded his lips inward and sighed “Hmm….going by what we saw, it seems like a serial killer is on the prowl”

“You mean he is going to continue murders? How can you say that?”

“Look Joe, how do you know it’s the same killer?”

“By the evidences at the crime scenes, the bloody paw and the first letter of the victims name on their thigh. A on Annie and L on Lisa”

“Exactly! If he wants to do only two murders he would have done it quietly without leaving any traces. Now he has left his signatures on the victims, intentionally. To let the world know it’s him.”

“So he is going to come back.”

“By all means. He is an attention seeker. When all of this has settle down and no one was discussing these murders anymore, he was going to strike again. It’s called Histrionic Personality Disorder. ”

Joe “hmm, seems like you scored well in your criminal psychology courses”

Eddie didn’t mind replying to Joe’s sarcasm.

-----------------------------

Next morning, Malcolm approached a news paper stall. He grabbed a news paper from the stands, quickly gave the change to the shopkeeper and walked away hastily, as if his feet were having an aversion touching the ground.

Malcolm was tall lanky man. With clean shaved face. He was wearing a black sunglass and a hat. Dressed in a long jacket and his black shoes glared the sun. After walking for a while he slipped into a lonely alley and stopped. Carefully opened the news paper and read the headlines.  KILLER STRIKES AGAIN. Malcolm couldn’t hide his joy. His lips mechanically stretched and drawn it towards the ears. Then it slowly revealed his teeth. Malcolm in a satisfying tone and tune said to himself “here I go again.”

Malcolm read further. He enjoyed every word written in it. Suddenly his smile turned into a frown. He asked rhetorically “two murders?” his upper lip curved to the right “What about my other works?”

Malcolm touched his clean shaved chin. He bit his lower lip as he thought. Then he declared “I won’t let my work go unnoticed. I’m going to let them know it and get my due credits.” Then he folded the newspaper and continued to walk with hasty steps.

 

-----------------------------

Next evening, Joe arrived at Eddie’s house.

Joe - “what’s up mate? Should I take your invitation as a date?”

Eddie " “I don’t want to waste my breath responding to your dirty talks. See this.” Eddie pointed to a stack of 4 newspapers.

Joe-“what is this? Your newspaper boy delivered newspapers for one week”

Eddie " “it’s the edition of Croland.”

“Why are you interested in news of Croland? It’s a 100 miles away from here”

“I didn’t order it. It was dropped at my door by someone last night.”

“Wow! What was the news in it?”

“It is of four different dates, but it all has a similar headlines. The news of some innocent girl murdered in some lonely place and their first letter carved on their thigh, with an animal Paw drawn with blood of the victim”

Joe was shocked now, he couldn’t think of any sarcastic lines. He grabbed the newspaper and sank into a nearby chair. Eddie brought a bottle of water and said “here! Now wet your throat”. Joe did it obediently. Eddie continued “it was obvious that whoever dropped these newspapers here wanted me to know the history of the killer. What I meant by History, is his previous works and not his biography.”

Joe “by the first letter of the Victim’s name and the Blood Paws, what do you think he was trying to say?”

Eddie “lets analyze, the victims are Lisa and Annie from here and the name of the victims in Croland are Mary, Angie, Isabella and Nikki”

Joe “that will be L, A, M, A, I, and N. that makes no sense lamain?”

“That’s the puzzle we have to solve. It’s a jumbled up letters; we have to find the word.”

“Hmm. The Psycho must have gone mad after solving the puzzles in news papers.”

After few minutes of silent contemplation, Joe excitingly said “Eureka………I found it, its lamina”

Eddie replied in serious tone “you almost got it mate. But I think the killer was trying to tell his character through this word”

Joe “what do you mean?”

Eddie “just reverse LAMINA and you will have the answer”

Joe “damn! It’s ANIMAL. It surely describes him. The way his victims are torn apart……….. it can only be the work of an animal”

Eddie smiled in a victorious manner and declared “if we have solved this puzzle, it means the killer has finished what he wants to show, and hence we can expect that he will not come up again”

Joe quickly threw in his sarcasm, “but Eddie, what if the killer hasn’t finished what he wants to say?” Joe was smiling wickedly while he said this, as if he had scored a point over Eddie.

 

-----------------------------

One month passed by peacefully, then one day…..

Eddie and Joe were zooming in their police car. The car cut the wind and moved forward with a whirring sound. The tires were merely touching the road. They were rushing because five minutes earlier police control room received a call; rather it was a scream for help. The voice was of a girl. The voice was desperate and it was evident from her tone she was crying for her life. Her sense of urgency suggested a menacing dagger was right behind her shoulder. The call was abruptly discontinued, but it was enough to trace the location of the caller.

Malcolm grabbed the mobile phone from the girls hand and looked at his prey. He asked in a loud angry whisper “from where did you get this, this was not in my plan”. He threw it on her face. The girl screamed in pain, just as the blood started to flow from her broken nose. She lay helplessly weeping on the floor. Malcolm slowly licked his lips at the sight of the blood.  The girl’s hand stumbled upon an iron road. She grabbed it, clenched her teeth and with all her might sprang on the feet and hit on Malcolm’s head. Malcolm gave cry of pain as he held his head with both hands. She shoved him and kicked on his stomach. Malcolm fell on the floor. She threw away the iron rod and dashed downstairs.

It was a two floor house in the middle of many trees and the surrounding ground was covered with dried leaves. The house was poorly lit by two feeble bulbs one at each floor. The girl on reaching the front door, tried to open it. She hit the door with all her might and kicked again and again. The door did not budge. She found that it was having a lock from inside. She felt helpless. With all her vulnerability she screamed. It was of no use, except scaring away the bats of the neighboring tree. She heard them flapping away.

She decided to go upstairs to take the iron rod and break the lock. When she reached upstairs she saw Malcolm still lying on the floor holding his head and wincing in pain. She mustered all her courage and dashed towards the rod on the floor. She picked it in a flash and with all her might started to beat Malcolm haphazardly. Malcolm cried in pain and rolled on the floor. She then left him and walked downstairs.

She reached the front door. It was an old iron lock. Now, that lock stood between her life and death. She raised the rod as much she could to hit the lock. Wham! She was hit by shovel on head from behind. Her head got squeezed between the shovel and the door. Blood jumped out of her mouth. Before she fainted, she saw Malcolm standing with a big shovel in his hand. Malcolm grabbed her left leg and dragged her on the floor. The blood from her head made a trail on the floor. Malcolm continued his drag, as he climbed the stairs. Her head hit every climbing step, making a blood stain on the each step.

-----------------------------

 Two cop cars skidded and stopped outside the house. Eddie threw himself out of the car, took the gun and ran to the front door. He found it locked. Soon Joe and the other two cops joined him they broke the door and entered. There was no one. Then they saw the blood trail on the floor.  They quietly followed it and reached the stairs, the blood was trickling down from each step. Then they heard a bone cracking sound from the first floor.

Everybody ran up to the first floor. They saw Malcolm devouring from the gut of the girl, who was lying on the floor. “Freeze” shouted Eddie. Malcolm twitched his head up to see. Blood flowed from his mouth. His eyes were shining out of his face. He didn’t like the interruption.  Eddie -“Put your hands up”. Malcolm didn’t move. Joe lost his control and he kicked Malcolm on his face and then he pounced on Malcolm and started punching. Eddied and others caught Joe and removed from Malcolm. One of the cops took out the handcuff and put on Malcolm’s hand.

Eddie asked Joe “do you know this girl, Joe?”

Joe folded his lips inward and said in a very sad tone “yeah………..it’s the Jailors only daughter Wilma”

On their way back, Eddie turned to see Malcolm sitting in the back seat handcuffed. He was bruised badly in the face but it showed no signs of regrets. Eddie said “so! It was you who put those newspapers on my door” Malcolm gave a victorious smile and replied in a loud whispering tone “and who do you think was the informer, calling you after every murder?”

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Six months later. Malcolm was sentenced to lifetime imprisonment. His last victim’s father, Mr. Angus got a transfer on request to the jail in which Malcolm was imprisoned. On his very first day in the jail, Angus visited Malcolm’s cell. He stood in front of the cell staring at Malcolm. Malcolm came near the cell door and stared back.

Angus in an angry tone, “you have no idea what this jail going to do to you”. Malcolm laughed out loud. Angus didn’t stay to hear his laugh and walked away. Malcolm pushed his face against iron bar and shouted “Mr. Angus, I am a wild animal and wild animals are meant to be free. You can’t detain me in this cage for long”. Malcolm laughed again.

Author's Note

Any kind of review is accepted. tips to improve are also welcomed.

Reviews

[eatme]

The house was surrounded by tall trees, shielding out the sunlight that must reach the house.

This is a sentence about trees written from the perspective of the house. A sentence should come from its source.

Tall trees surrounded the house and kept it perpetually in shadow. - something like that.
Six months later, is not a sentence.

Not enough of the language is past tense. Words that end in 'ing'. Flying vs flew. Running vs ran.
Eddie was thrown out from his thoughts by a sudden jerk. is passive. the sudden jerk throws Eddie, Eddie is not thrown by a sudden jerk.

Poetry and prose are mostly the same in that they are more an intellectual exercise than art. Word choice, mechanical structure.

Joe lost his control and he kicked Malcolm on his face and then he pounced on Malcolm and started punching. - I kind of like this, but using Malcolm's name twice in one line is bad. " Pronouns, punching him.

She was hit by shovel on head from behind. - a shovel hit her from behind. passive

If you believe in your IDEA, you can write your idea. If you want your writing to carry a bad idea, it won't.

In a way, I think your first draft should be as plain and common as possible. Say things as they actually are, then go back later and dress it up. The car skidded to a stop. Joe drew his pistol then shouldered open the door. The dog raised its leg then peed on the tree. Plain, direct, non passive, complete sentences.

[Will Neill]

Shiggy, Once again I must agree with ''eatme' good enough plot but quite a few mistakes, (sorry) read it again yourself and they will become obvious.Needs some work to perfect.
Take Care.
Will

[Great Aunt Astri]

Very neatly written (apart from some mistakes) and made easy reading. The ending leaves me imagining all sorts of gory things that might hapen! Good gory story for those who like them!

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
Any kind of review ? OK, it's one for spelling and grammar then to start with. :)

“the bloody paw and the first letter of the victim[']s name on their thigh." (possessive)
“It is of four different dates, but it all has a similar headline[s]." (singular, marked by "a")
"Malcolm grabbed the mobile phone from the girl[']s hand and" (possessive)
"Eddie folded his lips inward / Joe folded his lips inward" (repeated phrase, suggest synonyms)

You have several instances where you are not including a comma "," before spoken text which is unusual, but it is not considered a serious error in writing itself. Let me know when you catch up to these, Shiggy. :)

[Alleyway Rover]

Cool story. I like the general feel of it. I did enjoy your villian, you obviously have a pretty good handle on him as a character. His MO is intreaguing an you’ve got a good sense overall of how to carry a story. At no point did I wonder where you were going, the action and the mystery was intense from first word to the last.

Overall, though it felt like you tried to tell a longer story in a very short amount of time. If you want to keep this as a short story, you I think you would have to remove a lot of elements to let the story breath a little.

A better option would be to make this much longer. A novella or even a novel is not out of the question.

There are two big reasons for this:

First, your characters. While you’ve got a fairly good hold on Malcom, your two detectives are as flat as characters come. These are our heros and they really should be given room. Let us know what motivates them, what scares them, what their goals are and what holds them back. Their likes, dislikes, strange tendencies. Make these people come alive for us because they push the story.

Second, I kind of dug the solution to the puzzle, but it seemed too easy. Or rather, it seemed too easy for the detectives. They got all the evidence and found the conclusion so fast that I didn’t have the chance to play armchair detective and try and guess the answer before they did and that’s a bit part of what makes mystery and crime as a genre fun.

That means you might need to add some twists and turns in the plot which… takes more space.

A few additional notes as made as I went through:
Watch for passive sentences like: “The car was driven by his partner”

“His partner drove the car” sounds better and has more action.

Also keep a watch for -ly words like, “He saw Eddie hesitatingly standing outside.” It’s telling and it doesn’t really tell us anything. How does one stand hesitatingly? Paint us a picture. Show us how they are moving, standing, speaking… etc.

Joe replied “why don’t you come inside and take a look at the beauty. The way she lays is enough to keep you awake steaming in the bed.”

I think you mean ‘screaming’.

“Eddie was thrown out from his thoughts by a sudden jerk. And before he was relived there was another jerk from the back wheels.”

I often find jumping back and forth in time needless and confusing. If you have a good reason to start in the car, go back to the crime scene and return to the car… okay fair enough. Otherwise consider starting at the crime scene and then moving to the car.

That’s all I have. I hope this gives you some ideas to move forward and improve this piece.

[Joyrider]

Thank you alleyway rover. i was expecting this kind of review. Hence I felt very happy on seeing your review with lots of tips. I accept that, while writing I was concerned with the length of the story, I wanted to make it a short story, hence I tried to fit everything in 3000 words.
The word 'steaming' was intentional, what I meant was (in a sarcastic way) it will keep him hot in his bed for few nights ;p
I will keep in mind every tip you gave me. Thanks once again.

[Prritiy]

A psychopath on his way to destruction. God on reading all these dark stories i am beginning to become afraid. you have written it nicely, interesting. was glued to story so didn't notice any grammatical or typo mistakes baring one which caught my eye as the story took a turn.

They were rushing because five minutes before police control room received a call-- five minutes 'earlier'

best wishes

[Joyrider]

Thank you for the review, the mistake is corrected.

[Prritiy]

you are welcome.

[Zero_Edge88]

Very intriguing with your title and how it feels so wild. I mean that is one sick psycho in its way. Malcolm, is this feral creature. There are psychopaths who are very meticulous like Hannibal and there are those who are like Malcolm with the complete opposite but they have one thing in common - their methods are inbred and so precise about it. It's their psyche that you would dive into and take it apart but still would leave you hanging even after you read the whole story. In a sense, animals are in that nature, no matter what they are written in the book they are completely different from text and images itself!

Great job on the writing so far I look forward definitely on reading your other pieces. Have a great and enjoy your day :)

[Joyrider]

Thank you zeroedge for your detailed review.
Hope you have enjoyed 'jailbreak' as well.
read moreThank you zeroedge for your detailed review.
Hope you have enjoyed 'jailbreak' as well.
I am working on 3rd and final part of this series.

[Zero_Edge88]

You're very welcome and please call me Zero and I shall! :)

[Lisa Victoria]

This is very good, although I would like to see a more in depth look into Malcolm's mind. Maybe instead of one month later you can use this to explore what Malcolm is thinking and planning...more details into why he wants to kill these young girls. I feel you can go a little further into this story and make it a real thriller with a little editing and patience...I felt the ending was too rushed. Nice job though, you had e intrigued:)

[Joyrider]

Thankyou Lisa for your review and advice. i will try to include the things you said.
i wanted to keep the length of the story short, hence the rush in the end.

[Lisa Victoria]

You're welcome:) I look forward to reading more of your writing! Lisa

[Joyrider]

You may read the sequel to this story 'jailbreak' :)