Haley's Gift

Unedited/unrevised

Haley Hatley could read minds, but only for one day at a time. She’d first noticed it when she was eight years old, sitting in the car with her dad at a stoplight. She heard his voice booming in her head out of the silence.
    Need to get out.
    “Out of what, Daddy?” she’d asked.
    He had given her a look of shock, but then settled his gaze. Perhaps I just said it aloud, he thought.
    She’s sucking me dry. Dear God, they both are. And the next one’s only going to make it worse.
    “What next one?” she piped from her seat.
    “Nothing honey, I didn’t say anything.”
    He looked a little nervous.
    “Yuh huh, you said next one going to make it worse.”
    He clamped on the steering wheel and thought no more out of fear.
    He left the next morning. He’d packed only a small suitcase, and left the rest of his belongings and clothes as strange reminders of the father and husband that he had once been. Six months later, Haley’s mother gave birth to her sister Rebecca, and they lived as a trio until the girls grew up.
    
    It came on every next year, for brief periods, but when she was thirteen, it became much more important to listen. She sat near the front row of desks(never in the very front, she felt like she was at the edge of a cliff in those hot seats), and as the teacher moved plastic papers around on the transparency projector, little thoughts snuck into her head and popped aloud like bubbles.
    Why doesn’t he look at me?!
    Mrs. Yustman is sooooo dumb.
    I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
    Dun dun dun, DUN DUN, dun dun dun, DUN!!!
    We all live in a yellow submarine goddamnit I hate that song get out of my head!
    She was startled by it. They snuck in here and there, with no real rhythm or sense of volume, some blasting in her brain and some barely audible whispers. There was always a faint, hollow echo after the last words. Haley put her hands in her lap, and squeezed her palms under her desk. She tried to ignore it, shaking her head as if to spill all the thoughts out. But they still came.
    I saw down Maggie’s shirt!
    Holy crapballs what a big a*s.
    God I wish I could quit this job.
    And then, there was a tiny one. One that almost slipped by her under the waves of loud, inane expressions.
    They’ll never even notice I’m gone.
    This one had direction, it had purpose, and she turned around in her seat, matching it to Sam Smith in the back of the class staring at his desk. All the other kids were still bombarding her with their thoughts, but Haley tried to bat them away like flies. She perked her ear up, thinking this might help, and tried to tune out the class.
     Tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow.
    Haley’s hands were sweaty.
    He’s only kidding, she thought. Lots of kids think about it, but they don’t really do it. Right?
    She looked behind herself again. Sam was looking deep into the wood grain on his desktop, staring so hard he wasn’t blinking. His curly black hair hung like a curtain, blocking his features to an otherwise uninterested populace. Haley was worried.
    “Ms. Hatley? Perhaps you could answer my question?”
    Haley spun around in shock. She’d been too busy listening to thoughts that she had ignored the teacher’s actual spoken words. She looked quickly at the screen. Something about reciprocals, fractions…
    “I, um…” She stuttered, trying to keep her eyes on the problem.
    “Please see me after class, Ms. Hatley.”
    Tomorrow.
    
    She had tried. She really had. After Mrs. Yustman gave her a long winded lecture on being studious and not “dilly-dallying” in class, she raced out into the crowded hallway after Sam. All the bobbing heads and backpacks looked the same, a sea of Sams.
She ran-shoved and gripped a shoulder, “Wait!”. A boy who was not Sam turned around and looked frightened. Another, this one laughed. She pulled and groped, trying desperately to find him, until she reached the front doors of North Middle School and spilled out onto the walkway with the rest of the flock.
    “Sam!”
    She’d yelled it for ten minutes standing on a bench by the curb, but all she got was a few glaring looks and kids telling her to shut up. She’d gone home, paranoid and heartbroken, and sick with worry. She went through the phonebook, looking through all the Smiths, the achingly endless pages of Smiths. She even dialed a few. She made plans to call them all, but after the first sixty, she fell asleep on the inky paper to the sound of a dial tone.  
    
    Sam’s mother found the body.

    Haley’s gift would turn on and off over the years, always for just one day. Sometimes it would be two years between those booming, echoing thoughts filling her head, and sometimes just a few weeks. But there was always enough time between “uses” that she would question whether she had imagined the whole thing to begin with. But she hadn’t imagined Sam, she knew that as frigid fact in her guts, and her heart, and her mind. After Sam, she listened very carefully when it did come on. But she wouldn’t really need to until she was in college, seven years later.

    She was a woman now, evolving from the skinny, awkward little girl she had been into a swan over the years of her adolescence. Her face was kind and knowing, and her blue eyes and truthful smiles the melters of many hearts. Her short blonde hair made curly Q’s around her cheeks when it wouldn’t stay tucked behind her ears. She was kind, and had grace, and many were quick to get along with her.
    Her junior year, Haley went on a blind date with a stranger set up by one of her roommates. She almost never went on dates, but her roommates friend was highly recommended to her, and she decided to take a risk.    
    Dale picked her up at the edge of campus in a rusted VW, but he had come around to open the door for her. She’d liked that. He took her to a semi-fancy restaurant and pulled out her chair for her, which she also liked. But as they started ice breaking chit chat, she felt the familiar sensations of her mind getting all spongy. She could seemingly hear the distant conversations in the restaurant more clearly, and she could feel a sort of pressure as Dale began to speak. His thoughts were covering up his voice in her head. She was having a hard time distinguishing the two.
    “So I work with Kelly at the Damn she is really f*****g hot Rec Center, yeah. She told me she wanted to hook me up with I wonder what she tastes like you, and to be honest, I was a little embarrassed about Try and f**k her it because I know how awkward these things can be. But you seem When she gets up, put it in her wine really cool.”
    Haley stared at Dale’s face. She saw the slight movements in his muscles when he spoke, and when he thought. If she concentrated hard enough, she could actually make out the image of herself flopped into the backseat of the dirty Beetle with her dress pulled up around her head. She shuddered and stood up from the table, giving Dale a look of surprise and hidden eagerness Now, right when she turns around. She threw her water in his face and headed for the door while all manner of terrible names in Dale’s voice were ringing in her head.
    As she neared the door, a clean cut waiter stopped her with a light grasp of her arm.
    “Are you ok, miss?”
    She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
    “I’m fine, thanks. Just leaving.” She felt the anger at Dale melting.
    Don’t go, please.
    “Uh, what’s your name?” He stuttered.
    “Haley. And you’re Mark, right?”
    How did she?
    “I’m pretty intuitive.” She smiled at him.
    “Yeah? Me too.”
    She smirked knowingly.
    “Listen, I know this is crazy and intrusive, but Worship her can I take you out sometime?”
    She searched his mind for a moment, focusing hard for a picture. She saw a glimpse, like a flash of images, into the future of theirs lives. She saw them sitting as an old couple on a porch swing. She saw 4th of July fireworks above them as they laid on a blanket and made love. She saw their children, a boy and a girl, running in the backyard with their golden retriever chasing after. She saw the big, warm house where they would all gather for holidays and birthdays. And then the glimmer faded, and she saw the waiter, looking young and handsome and a little flushed.
    “Yes Mark, I think I’d like that.”
    
    

Author's Note

This is only a draft, it has not been revised yet.

Reviews

[Sammie]

Oh and also, like Leap said below using the bold to insert the telepathy really was perfect.

[Sammie]

Like always your writing is excellent. This story would have to be one of my favourites. Again, I have to agree with David about the waiter though. Also one other thing that I didn't take to was the thoughts being inserted into the actual dialogue. I can see what you were doing but for me as a reader I think it disrupted the flow a little. I think even waiting for a full stop would be better, for example - "“So I work with Kelly at the Rec Center, yeah." Damn she is really f*****g hot! "She told me she wanted to hook me up with you, and to be honest, I was a little embarrassed about it because I know how awkward these things can be." I wonder what she tastes like. "But you seem really cool." When she get's up, put it in her wine.

Just a thought...Either way I love reading your writing and I really think if you were to develop this further I would be first in line to buy the book!

[Leap]

Using the bold to insert telepathy is perfect. Also, the fact that you thought it out enough to describe her skills as inconsistent and erratic makes me very happy. It's just more realistic that way. Good story man, and if it's the first draft, you've got plenty of wiggle room. I read Dave's comment below, and I will say I agree. Just a bigger gap in time between the blind date-almost rape and love at first sight.

[DavidRyanM]

The idea of this is really good, man. I see what you were talking about last night. The only thing I might change -- if you turned it into something longer -- is the waiter asking her out. Or, I mean, how he does it. Kind of seems out of place to see her on a date, watch her throw water in the guy's face and then ask her out. But, seeing as how this is a limited word story, I totally understand you had to rush a few things.