you have not lost me

the personification of the carefree spirit of my younger self

we are the same at heart. all you need to do is come look for me.

you have not lost me forever. i am still within you,

but i fear you've given up.

why have you given up? are you too tired?

are you too scared?

it doesn't matter the reason. the power of believing you are shattered will shatter you regardless of whether you were intact to begin with.

the clouds look ominous only until you find the silver lining. nothing is certain. everything will end, even the things that feel permanent. even the things that crush you.

the loss of control is suffocating, you tell yourself. your comfort zone is the only thing that brings you solace and security.

your limbs are too heavy to get out of bed, yet you remember them being as light as a feather when i was still by your side. you were once eager to explore, and now you ignore everything that once brought you joy.

your limbs are not too heavy. you have not lost control. you have only lost perspective.

go outside after a heavy rain, feel the wet earth underneath your feet and tell me you don't remember. the scent of petrichor, the feeling of the grass, the sight of the mist and the sounds of the birds will bring you closer to me and leave you twenty pounds lighter. earth's energy will never disappoint you. go out and find her, and you will find me.

we are not strangers, or at least we don't have to be.

you made the decision not to look for me, but you can always unmake that decision.

whenever you're ready, the clouds will clear. and even when you're not, the sun will still rise and set, then rise again. the moon will always be there at night, pulling the tides from every corner of the globe, keeping us in balance. that is where you will find me.

i am in everything you love; in the laughter of your friends, your parents, your sisters, and your brothers, in the warmth of the sunlight, in the steady rise and fall of your chest while you sleep, at 4am when everything is most peaceful. i am in the past, and despite what you've felt, i am also in the present.

you have not lost yourself. the breath in your lungs remains your breath, the beats of your heart remain your beats. your movement, your brain, your thoughts. your earth, your soul, your life. i am the essence of what made you keep going in spite of everything telling you to stop.

i have not lost you, and you have not lost me. we are the same at heart. all you need to do is come look for me.