Abusive ED

The abuse of living with an eating disorder

Abusive ED.
“Look at your body, you worthless pig.” he whispers to her as she sits down to eat. Laughing at her, his mouth curls as he whispers: “You are so pathetic.”
Her heart sinks, she hides in shame. I cant eat. I should not eat. She throws her food away. He smiles with approval and tells her sweet things. Her smile returns once again. How lucky she feels to have him. What would she be without him?
At night her emptiness consumes her. She just wants to be good enough for him. Why isn’t she good enough? “Tomorrow I’ll make him proud. He will love me if he see’s how in control I am. ” Dressed in her favorite dress she feels pretty for what feels like the first time. She’s excited to go out to be with him, he comforts her so. The time arrives, he finally shows. But what’s to come? She will never know. Disgust crawls across his face as he enters the door, “What are you wearing, you w***e?”
He drags her up the stairs. He throws her on the floor. Tearing cloths out of the closet treating her like she never deserved. He pulls out sweat pants and a T-shirt and curses her. ” Why would you dare think of letting anyone see your body? Your disgusting, you should be ashamed of size.” He yanks her head toward the mirror and demands her to stare. “You make me sick.”
She wants to cry. But even more, she wishes to die. The day goes on, his games begin. She thought they were supposed to end. He promised her! He promised her the happiness of thin! Why was she still so fat? And nothing but emptiness of skin? Where are the things he promised? Where was her perfection? Everything she was supposed to be?
Her muscles ache, her eyes are heavy. She hasn’t slept in days, hunger rips across her stomach. Maybe I can eat something tonight she tells herself. Maybe I’ll have something small when he’s not there.
The time comes, she’s finally home. She thinks he leaves, she thinks she’s alone. The anticipation is killing her. She runs down the stairs. Pulls open the fridge, she pulls it all out. She starts to eat, she can’t. Why can’t I eat- she crys. Feeling so empty, feeling so shameful. The fat on her body, reminds her she’s not alone. Breathing on her neck, he tells her he will never leave her. She’ll never be alone. “Get out!” she screams! Her voice is shaky but the power in her voice is real. “I don’t want you anymore! Leave!”
“Fine.” he deams. But you will be crawling back to me. Just wait and see. Spend your life fat, that’s what you will be.”
If that were the end, she could be happy. If only she were free. But that girl was broken, she knew not how to not believe the lies he fed her, the lies he made her believe. He was charming once, they were a team. But one day he turned on her, making her alone. She wanted him back. She needs him. He made me powerful she decides. He made me, me.
Seeking him out, seeking him blindly. She cant wait to have him back. She imagines what she’ll be. She looks in the mirror. Her heart sinks. Once she finds him, he’ll help her undo what’s she’s done, the gluttonous girl she’s become.
He gladly comes back, embraces her in his arms. I’m sorry I left you, what have you done? He makes her expose her new body to him. His expression makes her want to scream. “Your a disgrace,” he spits. You and I will never be.

Reviews

[Colie]

From the words I just read... and the power from it.. and the mystery of you that I can't unfold... from all the works I have read of yours.. we have a lot in common.. dealing with a monster.. a monster that hates us.. Dealing with depression a monster you can't see. We all have monsters some more projected then others. This story has so much to say.. it was wonderful! Beyond wonderful!

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Wow...I really don't know what to say but that. This is amazing, and so powerful. Perfect (whoa guess I did know what to say lol)