Melissa

Melissa

A Story by shelbylugal
"

The life as a model when her body is suddenly altered

"

        The serene woman sat down on the stool, turned her head and stared into camera. Her skin was flawless, her features bold and her charcoal-black hair had been pulled to one side of her head. The camera snapped and she didn’t blink, she had been modeling for ten years, but her recent pictures held a new, more vacant stare. For the past seven months, she had been reduced to headshots because of a car accident that had pinned her right leg under a pile of shrapnel, forcing it to be amputated. The leg that had allowed her to strut down runways, pose in upright stances and model shoes high enough to add five extra inches to her already six-foot two-inch structure, had been amputated at the nearest hospital the ambulance had rushed her to. Without her leg, her body was only deemed beautiful from the waist up, forcing her to that days photo shoot, modeling a black dress, sitting on a wooden stool.

© 2011 shelbylugal


Author's Note

shelbylugal
This is suppose to be in a direct characterization. Please tell me if a wander from it and tell me anything I can do to make it better.

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Reviews

World of fashion and modeling seems like a cutthroat world and if you are not deemed "perfect" you get cast aside. Thats the feeling I get from this. Excellent!!!

Posted 13 Years Ago


"serene" is not really appropriate for the characterization you seem to want to build. It doesn't work with the very next portion of "vancant" stares.

If you make her "real" - people will listen. Think THROUGH the "person", see her fully behind-your-eyes... use your words sparingly but with flavor. In the end she needs to breathe.

Chris

Posted 13 Years Ago


this was awesome! i really liked the way you introduced the main character. and how you told us some history about her before returning to the scene, can't wait to read more! :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


good start. but give me more dont really like serene for description but thats me


Posted 13 Years Ago


The story beginning was very good. You gave some history and description of the character. I like how you made the appearance important. It is a very good introduction. I look forward to see where you are taking the story. A excellent introduction.
Coyote

Posted 13 Years Ago


Nice characterization !
This is beautiful (:


Posted 13 Years Ago


Great characterization, you wrote this wonderfully.
♥ Ta'Shandra

Posted 13 Years Ago


i love the characterization of her, very descriptive

Posted 13 Years Ago


This is a nicely written chapter. It is a very detail when it comes down the character.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Beautiful description. But is that enough? If this is how you intend to begin your story its fine as long as you add more detail and depth as you go on with the rest of it. Maybe describing a bit about this person's feelings, her worries, her attitude and maybe mentioning a bit more about her background? This way we'll grow closer to the character.
Or maybe this paragraph was some sort of intro to a book you'll be writing. Perhaps your just showing us a small bit of what you can do. Aha! your just making us wonder, yes? You wanted us to build up some interest for your book. Well you won, you defiantly got my attention. I'd like to read more.
Such a good way to advertise your book. You're writing a book on this . . . right?
At least make it a bit longer, hey, you've got me reading. -smiley-

Posted 13 Years Ago



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1015 Views
21 Reviews
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Added on October 3, 2011
Last Updated on October 4, 2011
Tags: model, amputation

Author

shelbylugal
shelbylugal

Over the rainbow



About
About me? Well, My name is Shelby. I'm a senior in high school and hoping to have a published book a year or two after I get out. It's going to take work (no DER) but I'm up for the challange. My fa.. more..

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