Driftwood

Shelby and her friend Kelsey arrive at their internship on Jeykll Island and begin to notice strange things happening.

“To the plane?” Shelby asked, stepping out of the taxi.

 

“To the plane,” Kelsey replied.

 

As the two girls strode to the back of the car to collect their luggage,  a few people passed by probably wondering how these two became best friends. On one hand, Shelby stood at a mere five foot six while Kelsey towered at almost six foot three. Shelby also had green eyes and a petite, slender body whereas Kelsey had hazy, brown eyes and was blessed with an athletic body and long legs. The only similarity between the two was the color of their hair, although, Shelby’s extended to her stomach and was wavy and Kelsey’s nearly hit her shoulders, stick straight.

After unloading their last bag, the pair grasped the firm handles of the suitcases and slowly scuffled their way to the airport security line. The line stretched halfway across the room since a majority of the high schools had recently ended their sessions and everyone was packed and ready to fly to their desired destination.

 

“I just cannot believe we are already leaving! Three days ago, it seemed like high school would never end; all the final papers, the exams, the studying. It seemed like we would never even make it to the airport but here we are!” Kelsey rambled on excitedly as she threw her suitcases on the carrier and walked through the immense metal detector with a bounce in her step, full of excitement. 

 

“I know,” Shelby sighed, doing the same as Kelsey, “Graduates and off to an internship at a brand new marine biology center in beautiful Jekyll Island, Georgia.”

 

They both collected their carryon’s and began boarding the plane after releasing their luggage to the attendant. On the plane, the blue carpet was only a reminder of the oceans they would be studying. Every time they reminisced in the fact they’d be on their own, studying sea life, a  tingling sensation was sent up their spines, showing their eagerness to already be at Jekyll Island. They each put their carryon’s into storage cabin above their seats and sat down.

 

Shelby buckled herself in as the pilots’ gruffly voice uttered over the intercom that they were ready for takeoff. Once secured in her seat, she pulled her laptop out of it’s case and onto her tray. She flipped it open, turned it on and did a search for where they were going.

 

“Look at me, I can‘t even wait to get there to see it,” She said, pulling up the search filled with pictures of the majestic island.

 

Kelsey leaned forward to behold the beautiful wonders of Jekyll Island that were plastered upon the screen. Beautiful beaches full of arid, ashen sands, thick, dead tree stumps, and cunning sea turtles swimming about in the sea. The pictures were full of stunning sunsets painting streamers of colors across the sky and of a few people basking in the brilliance of it all. It showed water parks and other attractions that all lay within the isle. There were hundreds of pictures fluttering around the screen for them to gaze at in fascination.

 

“I can’t wait to go there,” Kelsey announced, pointing at a picture of a beach with dead trees spread out over the sands and the frothy parts of the sea.

 

“Same here, it’s beautiful. The caption says that that’s Driftwood Beach. It’s not even a crowded beach. It’s barely been touched by humans but it says they do a lot of weddings here. I can see why, it’s so preserved,” Shelby chimed in, tracing one of the trees on the picture.

 

“I know,” smiled Kelsey until her face shifted into a state of wonder and confusion, “What’s that picture about?”

 

She pushed her finger towards a picture that had, what looked like, a speck lying on the sand next to the ocean. Shelby clicked the picture and pulled the page up. The picture was of a woman lying on the beach. Her skin was pale and ghostly and her eyes were open but gaping at nothing. The photo was attached to an article that read:

ANOTHER WASHED ASHORE

Last night, another body was recovered from Driftwood Beach on

Jekyll  Island, Georgia. Latasha Mullberry, 19, was found by local Jake 

Markens, 19, as he was cruising along in his boat, night fishing. Markens

spotted Mullberry on shore and pulled over, thinking she had taken a 

stroll and fallen asleep. As he approached though, he noticed her pale skin and 

lack of movement, signaling something was horribly wrong. She was comp-

letely drained of blood but without any punctures or wounds. She was taken

to determine her exact cause of death but the police already seem to know

they will not find one.

“Second one this month, we had three last and at least one each

month prior and each time they come back say the same dang thing, ‘Cannot

find cause of death.’ What’s going to be different for this one?” Commented

Sheriff Campbell when asked about the subject‘s death.

On many accounts, friends or relatives of the victims have said that, before they went missing, the victim told them that they were going on a boat 

ride with someone they met. The suspect is believed to be male as all victims 

have been female around the ages of 17-28. Women are now being asked

not to go on the water at night as a safety percaution and police are trying to extend the plea to men as well in case the all females murders are only a mere coincidence.

Shelby exited the screen with a sense of shock and horror.

 

“Oh my gosh. That’s awful. We were just talking about how much we wanted to go to that beach,” Kelsey struggled to say as they lapped up the last paragraph.

 

“I know but it doesn’t exactly say that she was murdered on the beach, she just washed on the shore there. I think we’ll be okay as long as we don’t accept boat rides from mysterious strangers,” said Shelby, hoping to lighten the ghastly mood.

 

“Still… it’s such a beautiful place, no one would every suspect that many tragedies to occur in one spot,” she told Shelby.

 

“We will just have to be careful and lock the doors to our shack at night,” Shelby said, reminding Kelsey they had their own house, even though it was only a mere three roomed hut.

 

“I almost forgot! We have our own place! Fully equipped with a bathroom, bedroom and kitchen,” She smiled in Shelby’s direction.

 

The two girls chatted until the bump of the plane hitting the runway. As they unbuckled, they felt the butterflies in their stomach ruffled their wings and flutter around and they were to excited for even the simplest of words to be uttered. They gathered their suitcases and luggage and headed down to the docks to meet their first contact, a man named Marcus Diwallen. Once there, they loaded their baggage onto a small boat and Marcus started the engine and then they headed out for Jekyll Island. 

 

The girls held their hands over the side of the boat and let the mist gently spray their fingers and drift up into their hair. In the distance, shiny dolphins stuck their fins out of the water and jumped into the air. Even while catching the beauty of the ocean, it was hard not to notice Marcus’ demeaning stare barbed in their direction.

 

“So what’re you here fer? Lookin’ for the creature?” He said in a gruffly, low voice, “You ain’t gonna find it.”

 

He stared at the girls, his dark brown eyes gleaming at them in a state of wonder, moving from their head, down their body, to their feet, then directly into their eyes.

 

“Actually we’re here for an internship at the new marine biology center. We’re helping gather information about the sea turtles,” Shelby said with a confused look “What do you mean by creature?”

 

“I mean what’s been happenin' to them girls. It’s the creature that’s been takin’ them,” he told them.

 

“Have you seen it?” Kelsey asked anxiously.

 

“I, er, no but it’s only a matter of time. This island is crawling with creatures, this one is gonna get caught with all the exposure it’s givin' itself though,” He explained in a  matter-of-fact tone.

The island got closer and closer, and Marcus continued to ramble on about the sea creatures sulking around in the water until the boat was signaled down by a man waving a folder in the salty sea air. The man was tall and tan and his blonde hair flowed gently in the wind, caressing his face. His strode into the water and helped pull the boat to shore.

 

“William Carter, but you can call me Will. I’m the man in charge of your internship,” He said with a white smile, gripping each of one of the girls’ hands in both of his own. His voice rang with a modern catch but a deep, almost english, accent. “I will be helping you on your journey into the wisdom of what is aquatic life.”

 

“Hi, I’m Shelby,” She said, gesturing towards herself, “And this is Kelsey.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. If you follow me, I will show you to your place,” He said glancing at the girls, then at Marcus, “This guy didn’t put any crazy stories in your head, did he?”

 

“I only tell the truth,” Marcus told them, starting the boat up again after they unloaded it, “Only the truth.”

 

Will pushed him back off the shore and Marcus floated back into the sea before starting his engine and darting back to land where they had came from.

 

“Don’t listen to him. He’s only twenty-three but acts like a fifty year old who’s lost his mind. Anyhow,” He said, flicking his head over his shoulder, “follow me and I will show you to your beautiful home. This way ladies.” 

 

He took a few steps and stopped in front of a small hut they had seen when boating.

 

“Here it is, sorry for such the long trip,” he joked, setting the suitcases down on the second of the three steps leading up to the straw home.

 

The group laughed for a moment then went inside to explore the house and unpack. Entering the house, the door opened into a spacious kitchen, complete with a small wooden table and a freshly loaded fridge. A small door latched itself to the right of the kitchen and, when opened, led to a dimly lit bedroom with two small cots laid on the floor. A dresser inhabited a small portion between the cots and a closet hid itself a few feet from the door. Another door was open on the opposite side of the room which led to the dinky bathroom occupied with a single, small sink, toilet and shower.

 

“This is such a cute hut,” Shelby said, throwing herself on one of the cots, “It’s simply adorable.”

 

“I call closet!” Kelsey yelled, hurrying over to throw her clothes in first.

 

She made it to the closet and opened the door. It flung open and on the inner side, a note hung from a tack.

 

“Shelby, there’s a note here,” Kelsey said, gently unpinning it, “It says ‘Just wanted to welcome you to the island.’ Then there’s a letter. It might be an L or H, maybe a J. It looks like someone’s initial.”

 

Shelby stood up and flounced to the other side of the room and took the letter.

 

“It looks like girl handwriting. It’s really pretty.” She said looking at it.

 

“Girl’s, I set some files on the table in the kitchen. Go over them tonight if you are able,” called Will as he began walking out the door, “It’s just some information on your internship. See you tomorrow at nine.”

 

“Okay!” The girls yelled in unison.

 

They made their way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Shelby grabbed the thick blue folder that was placed in the center of the table. She opened it and jumbled through the papers, pulling out maps of the island and of the marine biology center, a considerable amount of information and research on sea turtles and a list of some of their everyday chores and then some capricious tasks they might have to do.

 

“This is going to be the experience of a life time. No matter what happens, we have to stay the full two years so we can work here after. Deal?” Kelsey said, extending her right hand.

 

“Deal,” said Shelby, grasping it with her own, “So you want to go and meet some locals? Maybe wander around a bit and explore?”

 

Shelby help up a blue bikini and a light red one, hinting the desire she had to go to the beaches. Kelsey simply smiled and pulled her wavy, brown hair up in a ponytail and put on sunglasses over her molasses colored eyes and said, “Let’s do this.”

 

They each changed then stepped outside, already on a beach. A light breeze shuffled through Shelby’s long, brunette hair as they made their way down to Driftwood Beach. As they walked onto the breathtaking beach, sand gushed between their toes and they witnessed what nature's beauty could live up to be. Giant tree carcass’ hung themselves over in the sand and some in the ocean. Birds swooped down on the old  bark and sat there, cocking their small heads at the new pair of humans. 

 

Suddenly, loud thumps could be heard coming in their direction. They turned around to see two men stomping towards them, yelling at each other, completely unaware of the two extra presences listening in to their conversation.

 

“Ryder I will tell you one last time, stay away! I‘m going to do it and you can‘t stop me,” Screamed one of them.

 

“No, you can’t do it, not again,” The second one said, his black hair covering one of his eyes. His deep voice cracked, “I won’t let you.”

 

The first one wore shorts and a plaid button down shirt while the second was wearing dark wash, baggy jeans and a skin tight grey shirt. Although they didn’t look alike in any way, a sense of a deeper connection could be felt between them.

 

“Ryder, there is nothing you can do to stop me,” said the first.

 

“I will do anything in my power to make sure you don’t go out on those waters again,” said the one named Ryder.

 

“You know what will happen if I don’t. Even if I don’t others will. You don’t want to--” He turned around to not face Ryder and noticed the girls standing there with shock plastered on their face. 

 

He jumped with surprise but then put on a charming smile and walked over to them.

 

“Sorry ‘bout that. Ryder over there doesn’t want me to go night fishing anymore. I’m Jake by the way, Jake Markens,” He told them reaching out to grab their hands, then turning back to Ryder who was rolling his eyes, “Why don‘t you go back to your appartment?”

 

“Why don’t you?” Ryder snarled, his face glowing with fury. The sun caught his dark brown eyes making them almost look a deep red, heightening his already haggard appearance.

 

Jake smiled and turned back to Shelby and Kelsey.

 

“So what brings you to Jekyll Island?“ He said as he walked over to the water’s edge, “The beaches? Family? The attractions?”

 

“The internship,” Ryder said, still glowering at Jake. 

 

Jake returned the look and they locked eyes. It seemed as though unspoken words were transferred through the stare. Ryder broke the gaze and turned back to Kelsey and Shelby.

 

“Ladies,” He said, nodding in their direction with a look of scorn and resentment.

He turned around and began walking away. Everybody’s eyes followed him until he was halfway down the beach.

 

“Stepbrother. A real party person,” Jake joked, “Anyway, so you two are the internship girls?”

 

“Yup, that’s us. Just got here today,” Kelsey inferred.

 

“Did you get my note?” Jake asked.

 

“The initial must have been a J! Your handwriting is perfect. We though it was a girl’s at first but, um…” Shelby decided to stop talking.

 

“It’s fine. I’ve been told that before. I have a buggy if you two are ever running late to the office. Here’s my number,“ he dug around in his pocket and found a small, folded slip of paper and handed it to them, “Brought it just incase I met you two. Well, I have to go get my boat rigged up for tonight. Maybe I’ll catch you guys later,” He said with a smile as he turned around, waved and walked away.

 

“He was nice,” Shelby said, watching him walk away.

 

“His personality was pretty good too,” Kelsey joked.

 

They walked down the beach a little more and saw two other girls wading into the ocean. They walked over behind them.

 

“How’s the water?” Shelby yelled beginning to walk into the water.

 

One of the girls turned around and smiled.

 

“Perfect!” She yelled.

 

Shelby and Kelsey paddled themselves into the warm water next to the other girls.

One was a little taller than the other sporting short, blonde hair that was flipped into a small, side Mohawk and she had bright blue eyes and tan skin. The shorter of the two was a complete opposite of the first. She had dark brown hair that fell perfectly right below her shoulders and brown eyes to match.

 

“Shelby Fritz,” she said extending her hand to them.

 

“Trinnie Conker,” the blonde one said, taking her hand.

 

“Melonie Rumes,” said the brunet, shaking Shelby‘s hand second.

 

“And I’m Kelsey Brooks,” Kelsey decided to add in.

 

“So what are you two doing out here?” Shelby asked in attempt to make conversation.

 

“It’s almost sunset. We always come down here at this time. The sunsets here are the most beautiful thing in the world,” Trinne told her, pointing to the horizon.

They stayed with the girls until the sun rested on top of the ocean. Magnificent bronzes and gold netted themselves in with smeary stripes of dark reds and light pinks. In the middle of all of intertwining colors sat the great brassy orb. The sun stuck out through the colors with a dark outline around it. Everything reflected on the now black surface of the ocean.

 

“It was beautiful,” Kelsey said as they went back to shore.

 

“Yeah, but now we all have to get home. It’s against the law to be outside ten minutes after sundown,” Melonie said.

 

“Right. We read something about that online on the plane up. There was this girl who, I guess was murdered. They couldn’t find the exact cause of death,” Shelby said as they all four began back to their houses.

 

“You must have seen the article on Latasha,” Trinnie said, “After her death, they finally made it a law.”

 

Shelby thought about the law then remembered something that Jake had told them.

“Kelsey, Jake said he was going fishing tonight!” She said in fright, “Wait, didn’t the article say that a guy named Jake found Latasha?”

 

“He did and it was horrendous. She was his best friend. He was broken-hearted as soon as he realized she was… you know. He went off on his friends and stepbrother and stayed in his apartment for days. Finally, he came out but when he did, he looked like he had been through hell,” Trinnie said.

 

“Well he had been through hell!” Melonie told her, “He lost his best friend to this murderer!”

 

“Gosh, how long ago was this?” Shelby asked.

 

“Last month,” Melonie and Trinnie both said.

 

They approached Shelby and Kelsey’s hut so waved goodbye after a few, “see you laters,” were exchanged.

 

When they got inside, they made sandwiches for dinner and talked about Jake and Latasha and what they planned on doing the next day. Then they took to their cots and fell asleep.

 

The next day, Shelby’s alarm clock began blaring a crisp, off-key buzz at 7:30. It rang terrifically loud that it could wake even the deepest of sleepers.

 

“Turn that crap off,” came a muffled voice from under Kelsey’s pillow. 

 

“I know we’re suppose to get there at nine, but I think we should show up early and introduce ourselves to everyone and get a feel of the workplace,” Shelby said, reaching and hitting one of the cold buttons on the clock. 

 

“Or we could be late and get a ride from Jake,” Kelsey said, peeking her eyes out from under her pillow and wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

 

Shelby threw her pillow at her then got up and got changed into brown kakis and a button down shirt. Then, she went into the kitchen to make breakfast but as she passed the window, something caught her eye. A girl was lying on the beach, her body covered in water to the throat while her head lay softly on the sand.

 

Alarm shot through Shelby’s veins as she remembered the picture on her computer. It was barely light outside but she could tell the body wasn’t making a single movement except for the careless waves pushing it farther towards the beach. 

Shelby thrust open the door and sprinted towards the body. Suddenly, the eyes shot open and the girl flipped herself over and began crawling with her arms backwards into the ocean, full of alarm. Dread illuminated the girl’s already pale face. Her long brown hair glimmered in the fainting moonlight and her eyes sparkled a deep blue and what looked like orange around the pupil. Her skin was white, translucent looking in some places.

 

“I’m so sorry, I thought you were… you were…” Shelby stuttered.

 

“It is fine. I am going on a swim now,” said the girl, still backing further into the water.

 

“What? Why? It’s still dark out. You wouldn’t be able to see where you’re going. Why don’t you join me and my friend for breakfast first? That way it’ll be light when you go… what’s your name?” Shelby inquired.

 

“Heather,” said the girl, “It’s Heather.”

 

“Well Heather, would you like some eggs and bacon before you go on your early morning swim?”

 

“I cannot,” She told Shelby.

 

“Why not?” Shelby asked as she looked around and noticed there wasn’t a towel lying around, “Oh, you need a towel? I’ll go grab one for you.”

 

Shelby ran inside and grabbed a towel from the upper shelf in the closet. She jogged back outside but when she got back out, Heather was gone. 

 

Bewildered, Shelby lethargically walked back inside, set the towel down and went back to her cot. Kelsey still laid on hers, eye’s closed but not fully asleep.

 

“So first you wake me up at seven thirty, then you sprint outside, slam the door, sprint inside, slam the door again, then bust in here and dig through the closet. What’s up?” She asked, her eyes still deciding to remain shut.

 

“There was this girl, Heather, on the beach. She was lying there like the Latasha girl in that picture and it made me simply horrified so ran to her but she was just resting. I offered her breakfast and came in here to get that towel but when I went back out, she'd vanished. I didn’t even see her swimming away,” She explained.

 

“Oh well, you need to get your mind off that and onto our first day of work,” Kelsey said, finally lugging herself to her feet, “We can go with your idea and go early. A good first impression always helps.”

 

They grabbed their breakfast and folders and set off to the marine biology center. On their way, they noticed that dawn was as beautiful as dusk and that the temperature was always perfect. The marine biology center was less than half a mile away from where the girls were staying so they got there in fifteen minutes, arriving around 8:20.

“Girls! You’re here early,” Said Will, walking up to them as they entered.

 

He wore a white lab coat and was carrying a clipboard filled with papers. The room around him was beautiful. It was obvious the floors were new; they shone like a freshly polished diamond. Heavenly lights bounced off them and onto the light grey walls, highlighting the pictures of marine life that hung upon them. A half-oval, white receptionist’s desk convened at the front of the room where a woman in a business suit sat. Will walked up to her and set his clipboard down.

 

“Would you mind watching this for a few moments Marissa?” He asked her.

 

Reaching for the clipboard, she smiled at him and subtlety removed her blond hair from her shoulder, “Of course I’ll hold onto these Dr. Carter.”

 

“Thanks,” He said smiling back.

 

They turned a corner and walked into a long hallway that led to a prodigious room, equip with a massive tank in the center of the room, two desks and cabinets occupying the left side of the entrance and a file cabinet to the right. Three smaller tanks were lined up on the right side of the tank in the middle of the room. Each held a small turtle.

 

“Well girls, this is the conservation room. As you can see, it’s already in good use. We saved these three turtles here right after they were born,” He went down the tanks, pointing to the turtle and explaining what had happened to it, “These two were attacked by birds and so we are nursing them back to health. This one though, was born with only three flippers and couldn’t pull itself to the beach. We aren’t sure what’s going to happen to this one.”

 

Kelsey and Shelby inched their way towards the tank to get a closer look. The turtle sat upon a rock and didn’t move. His two back flippers were still intact but the left one in the front was missing. In it’s place was a small nub, barely long enough to stick out of his shell.

 

“It’s your jobs to clean their tank once a week and feed them each day,” He led them to a small fridge hidden behind the desk the last tank was resting on, “In here are worms you’ll need to cut and hand feed them.”

 

They each shook their heads in agreement, although cutting worms were not their forte. Will went on to explain their daily tasks, such as organizing files, helping out the biologists and typing papers, he also told them that, every once in a while, they may be put with tasks such as going to beach to collect information. 

 

“The board has asked me to tell each of you that you will be given a subject you must write a paper about, just so they know you are getting the gist of the job. Shelby, you will write about night feeders and how they go about finding prey. Kelsey, you will write about fish spawning and what water temperatures make a pristine mating environment. Very simple topics, they shouldn’t take much time so don’t feel rushed,” He explained, “Now, since today is your first day, a want to make a positive experience therefore we will have fun today to encourage you two to come back tomorrow.”

 

They followed him back up to the reception’s desk where he could retrieve his folder.

 

“Thank you Marissa,” He told her as she handed him the folder.

 

“Any time Doc.,” She said back with a wink as they proceeded to the door.

 

“She likes you,” Kelsey exasperated, walking through the front door.

 

“No. We are only colleagues,” He reminded her.

 

“And colleagues can’t like each other? Come on Will, ask her out!” Smiled Kelsey.

Shelby noticed some color drain from Will’s face. He kept a smile but his spirit was suddenly extinguished.

 

“I don’t date,” He flatly told them.

 

“Why not?” Shelby asked, sensing something was amiss.

 

“Because I only have one love,” He said staring blankly.

 

They walked up to the ocean. A small microscope and some slides were set up on a dispensable table. Will limply dragged his feet on the ground over to the ocean’s brim, put his hands in his pockets and squinted towards the sun.

 

“Irene. She was my other half but, one day, went on a swim in the ocean and never came back. Not even her body was found. Someone came and found me to tell me she went missing and I swear I searched the entire ocean without finding a single trace of her. After that, I just, can’t find room in my heart for another,” He said, his eyes beginning to redden.

 

Suddenly, a drop of water hit Shelby’s cheek. She looked up and noticed the clouds overhead had gotten bigger and had begun to drizzle rain.

 

“I thought there was only suppose to be a twenty percent chance in the afternoon,” Will commented, gathering the equipment, “We’ll have to do this another time.”

 

The rest of the day, they began filing papers that were shoved in overbearing cardboard boxes. It was a little past five when they were released to go. With that, they cleaned up and went outside where it the sun was now shining in streaks through the clouds. They took off their shoes when they got to the beach to experience the sensation of the sand rubbing in between their toes.

 

“Hey you two. How was your first day?” Said a voice behind them.

 

Shelby and Kelsey turned around to see Jake holding a bucket wearing only his swimming trunks. They glanced in the bucket and saw fish darting about, trying to find a secret path that led outside the pail they were trapped in.

 

“Went fishing today,” he enlightened.

 

“We see,” Shelby responded, then pointed to his necklace that was masked in shark‘s teeth, “Where’d you get that?”

 

“Made it actually. I collect shark teeth from Shark Tooth Beach. They’re really

 

difficult to find,” He told them although he had to of had about twenty teeth on his necklace, “I need to get these fish back before they spoil.”

 

He smiled a dazzling smile, turned and walked away and they continued their way back to their hut. 

 

“What’re you doing?” Kelsey asked Shelby when they went inside and Shelby pulled out her laptop.

 

“Finding a route to Shark Tooth Beach. I’m going to get a tooth for Jake,” She replied, finding a map to the beach, “Ugh, a lot of hiking, I’ll have to pack some water. I’m going to grab some then head out. See you in a few hours.”

 

Shelby gathered water, a flashlight and a little bag to put a shark’s tooth in if she was lucky enough to find one. She exited the hut into the mild air. Her freckle splattered faced gazed forward in the direction of Shark Tooth Beach. 

She looked at the map she printed out and began walking into the forest. She heard birds chirping and saw them bouncing from limb to limb. The trees overhead allowed streaks of sunlight to pass through their branches, creating bizarre patterns that slashed across the flourishing terrain. 

Dried leaves laid between the green grass, crunching when she bear her weight upon them as she continued her path to the edge of the forest.

 

After an hour of walking, she wedged her way in between two trees and popped out on the other side in a small clearing. Tossing her backpack to the ground, she fumbled inside the main pocket for the map. Her finger’s rested upon something moist and she pulled it out. Her heart fell to the bottom of her chest as the realization hit her that the map, now soaking wet, had been drenched by a water bottle with a loose lid. She unfolded map, careful not to tear it, and laid it down as she sat down on a tuft of grass. Colors swirled together and lines were now globs, joining the points she had marked as landmarks that would help her find her way. She studied it carefully before giving up as she ripped it and tossed it, frustration growing as she spun her head to the left and right trying to remember which direction she came from.

 

She tried to remain calm but she could feel her heart beginning to beat faster and in an unfamiliar pattern. Deciding forward was her best guess, Shelby snatched her backpack and began a frisk walk back into the forest. She kept walking forward until she clambered through the densest part of the forest and onto the edge of the island. The familiar scent of sea salt drifted in the air and calmed her. To the left of her, the beach ran back into the forest, but the right turned a corner and was hidden by trees. By then it nightfall had begun to lay it’s blanket on the island so Shelby took to the right.

She retrieved her cell phone out of her pocket to call Kelsey or Jake but no signal bars graced the front screen. She quietly peeked through the trees to other beach, her hair sliding into her face as she leaned around the corner. She recognized the small, crescent shaped beached from her ruined map; Shark Tooth Beach. Oyster shells merged with the sand and were spread out along the entire beach and the sun could be seen perfectly as it sank lower, resting on the horizon. She peered further down the beach and caught sight of three silhouettes sitting on the beach, frantically peering into the water and looking around, seeming frightened.

“Hello?” Shelby called in their direction.

She saw the three heads turn her way and heard a simultaneous gasp. Their bare backs were covered with long hair that was soaking wet. They sat on their knees, but something looked wrong with the position of their legs. The three women suddenly fell to their stomachs and began army crawling their way to the water.

“Wait! I need help! I don’t know how to get back to Driftwood Beach!” Shelby yelled, running in their direction, “Wait!”

 

Losing her balance, Shelby fell over and rolled into the water. The low tide suddenly reversed and the waters pushed Shelby further into the ocean until the water climbed high above her head. Her fingers clawed at the oyster shells, fragments jamming themselves under her fingernails, as she tried to clamber back to the beach. The water pushed her out of land’s reach and down to the bottom of the ocean. Thrusting her shoes off, she stripped out of her clothes, leaving her in her swimsuit and making it easier to try to swim to the surface. She treaded her way to the surface, taking in deep gasps of air, as fear clambered around upon realization of how far away she was from shore.

 

A wave rolled on the back of her neck, pushing her deep underwater once more and she felt something had created the wave. She whirled around and squinted. A black outline was swimming her way, slowly and deliberately. She recognize it as a shark but it was no normal shark; it’s length was around fifty feet and just one of its pearly white teeth was her size. She tried to push herself back, screaming at the top of her lungs, to only have bubbles be carried to the surface.

The shark lay a few feet away and Shelby know she couldn’t out swim it, so she stayed there, ready to accept her fate.

 

Out of nowhere, the water temperature dropped and Shelby watched something move in front of her and shoot a streak of white towards the shark, now only a few feet away. Realizing her chance, Shelby swam to the surface for precious air. She gasped and thrashed about, contorting her body in all directions looking for land, only see darkness. Something clenched around her right ankle and gave a deep yank, dragging her below the surface, causing her to throw punches and kicks at her attacker. Hands clamped around her face and suddenly, everything was different; the waters lit up and she could see everything so clear, every last piece of algae floating about. For a moment, when she took it all in, the world seemed to go slower. She looked around and saw the tail of the great shark beginning to disappear in the distance. She turned her head forward and saw the girl on the beach, Heather. Her pale lips opened.

 

“Breathe,” she whispered, and Shelby began breathing, underwater.

Author's Note

GIVE ME CRITIQUE! And if you need to tell me something, I don't get on here often but I'm constantly on twitter so tweet me if needed. Follow away @Shelbylugal

Reviews

[Friks]

More! More! This is a fantastic write filled with mystery and intrigue. What I like about the way it is written is the descriptiveness, giving imagery that just brings colour and life to the story in one's mind.

You should look at the syntax a bit more as there are a few errors that didn't seem to make sense, words put out of order and some in the place of something else. Typos such as "Shelby 'help' up a blue bikini" where "held" was meant. I would suggest looking at sentences like these: "trying to find a secret path that led outside the pail they were trapped in." following "They glanced in the bucket and saw fish darting about,". The latter being a well formed sentence that seems to flow naturally followed by the former which simply didn't read well as it didn't make intuitive sense. "bucket", "secret path" and "pail" didn't seem to mesh.

About the progression of the story: I think you have a good take on the flow of scenery and events, however I'd say the story line felt a bit rushed here and there. The part where Shelby ventured off to Shark Tooth Beach seemed to bring the adventure alive in the story but I would have expected a little bit more play with the reader's emotion. For instance where she popped out between two trees and set her things down it would work well to let the reader first feel at rest that she is now on the other side enjoying the new scenery perhaps or just taking a breath and a sip of water, upon which she discovers that her map is ruined and then we are filled in on the possibility of Shelby getting lost on the mysterious island.
Popping out on to the beach and immediately cranking up the tension winding it up more and more and hanging it on a climax where she becomes something of the nature of a mermaid had me wondering if I could read a whole book at this rate. Besides that the end was brilliant and grabbing, the perfect way to end a chapter.

Final summation:
I think your chapter is of good length and has the ideal ending. Splitting this piece into 2 chapters isn't something I think would work well unless you expanded the beginning with the introduction to the two young ladies and the realization of their plans right up until where they are settled in and ready to explore, which would be a good point to cut it at.
Don't rush the flow of events and play with our emotions and expectations a bit more.
I appreciate your writing style and I think it works extremely well, just look at the dynamics a bit and you are well sorted.

Looking forward to experience the rest of this wonderful story!

Sincerely

Friks


Simply Writers Group

[EGabriellS]

This is great. I liked the start. Not everyone can pull off starting with dialogue. I can't wait to read the next chapter!

[tynamite]

I like the introduction. It's really effective. At first I thought it was overwhelming to start the story with speech, but with the two characters flying away to a new place, it made sense. I love the inane conversation between the two characters. I hope the next chapters are shorter as the introduction is over and you hopefully have introduced everything. This is excellent.

[Joe Shetina]

I really like it so far. Ideas build on each other and keep building. Nice and descriptive too.

[Deanna Ballard]

It starts out kind of slow but that's just my opinion. I read a lot of books that start fast and end that way.

As far as critique, it sounds like the beginning or a very mysterious novel. You could word things better and there are a few grammatical errors as mentioned by Casquatch. But all in all, I think this has a lot of potential. It's only chapter one. I'm sure there's more where this came from.

[Whitney RH]

Fantastic start! I was completely engaged. Your ability to paint the characters and settings is impeccable. A few very minor spelling and punctuation errors, but they did not take away from the story at all! I look forward to reading more!

[Jacques]

to be honest . i was not expecting this . i absoleutly love it . the description of jekyll island is perfection and i note you've brought a great storm of tension and intentisity . well done .

[Sam Severn]

This first chapter is SUPER-EXCELLENT! I love the tension you introduce with the murders, n' the world you've created is ultra-exotic n' mysterious....GREAT STUFF, keep it going!! ㋡

[Sylvana]

"As they unbuckled, they felt the butterflies in their stomach ruffled their wings and flutter around and they were to excited for even the simplest of words to be uttered. "
This sentance gave me a hard time until I realized that you may have meant to say ruffle instead of ruffled.

You had also changed the times from 7:30 to 6:30 when it was the next morning...
I'm not sure who the main character is either...

Anyway, I loved the detail you put into it. I could definitely imagine everything in my head. Good work!