Escape

A poem I had the honor of doing for school and I need quick criticism on it:)

I want to escape

Into my dreams.

There I can veil myself

Among the giant oaks

That extend above the sky.

 

It’s where breathing underwater,

Is what I like to do,

So I proceed to it.

And oxygen’s presence,

Is only there to amuse me.

 

My dreams are where I can

Be free and be myself

Without fear of being ridiculed.

Where my Queen of Hearts,

Can’t find me.

 

Where secrets lay

In the deepest of the abyss’

Waiting for me.

And when I find them,

I realize they’re my own.

 

In my dreams,

I giggle with talking dogs

That are cooler than my old friends.

Here I know,

People like me.

 

Leaving reality curves my lips

And leaves me breathless,

While I breathe.

There, I am no longer numb,

While still in pain.

 

I love the rush of knowing

No one can hurt me

While I’m here.

No nerves that are

Being clenched.

 

Running from my problems

Makes my feet take flight

And my body soars.

When I’m in my dream sky,

I’m finally boundless.

Author's Note

I need help on anything and everything!

Reviews

[Aethereal]

Your poem has a well developed free verse theme. I was inspired to write a tiny song-poem for you which you may keep as your own whereby I used some of the words in your first verse. It’s in 1/0/1/0/1/0/1 seven syllable meter; 1 = accent; 0 = non-accent: Sing along:

Escape

In my dreams, I live among
giant oaks that touch the clouds;
Here, I fly where stars are strung
void of noise and void of crowds.

[Sami Khalil]

Penned wonderfully...Bravo......................

[Sarah]

You don't need any help at all, this was brilliant! I love this subject - a child (presumably) trying to escape from a rough life and creating this dream, fantasy land. Although it's been done countless times, this poem still surprised me with something new and fresh. Great job!

[roy mccarthy]

great inspiring write,
i love how you ended it,
When I’m in my dream sky,
I’m finally boundless.
awesome poem!

[~Blue Fantasy~]

So wonderful! So true...Great job!!

[Tasha]

This was truly an amazing piece.

[Elle M.]

True that!!!!! Dreams are our own personal, no one else can change it.

[Dupree]

This is frelling amazing! I love this. One of the best pieces I have read.

[Sunflower 20]

wonderful. i really enjoyed the fantasy feeling in this poem, and i don't think you need to change anything, its perfect! :)