The End

I looked up the word random on google and told myself the first word after it, I'd write a poem about... the word was suicide

I choked

All that was left to show I tried

Were the burning tears

Cascading down my cheek.

 

The revelation of the soft robe,

Now laying on the ground,

Instead of stifling my throat,

Was almost disheartening.

 

I was too close,

A miniscule of a second more,

And I would have been… no more,

I would have finished my life.

 

I lugged my body to my bed,

Tore open the pasty envelope on it,

And shredded the contents inside;

My suicide letter.

 

I find it hard living,

I find it hard dying,

Although, all I wish for,

Is…

 

THE END

Author's Note

Read the description, read the poem, and um... tell me what you think

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"All that was left to showed I tried" Should be "show"

"I choked
All that was left to showed I tried
Were the burning tears
Cascading down my cheek." I was going to say that the first line of this should have a period after it, but I noticed every stanza was one sentence. In order to make that pattern work with this stanza, you would have to rework it. Por ejemple:
"I choked,
all left to show I tried
the burning tears
cascading down my cheeks." But if that wasn't the intention, you could just make the first line one sentence.

"Was almost disheartening." A good contrast to what the reader was expecting and foreshadowing the difficult, conflicting emotions at the end of the poem.


"A miniscule of a second more," I'm pretty sure it isn't correct to say a miniscule of a second. Perhaps if you just said "a millisecond longer"?

"Tore open the pasty envelope on it,And shredded the contents inside " This is good. Makes the reader think of a body in place of an envelope. "Tore open" mimics what the speaker was figuritively going to do to herself, while "pasty envelope" would symbolize the body left behind. The shredded contents inside would be her broken soul.

"I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying," These two lines are good. The number two in literature symbolizes dualism, which reinforces the struggle she faces in neither being able to live nor die.

I liked the ending because of it's many connotations. The speaker wishes for the end of her life, that is clear enough, but she also longs for the end of her pain and struggles. Similarly, she would want to end her back and forht about the decision to live or die. ANd then the obvious, End Of Story. Overall, a very good wite. I enjoyed this.

[Lowesy]

i'm not really an expert on poems so i won't pretend to be and give you an in-depth analysis on it. all i can say is that i liked how you came up with the idea for this poem, i also liked the poem itself, i felt more descrpition could have been used rather than just actions but hey, that's just my personal preference, good write!

[Stef Outsiders]

this is good, I have been there and many times wanted that END but Like you wrote, i find it hard living and i find it hard dying... good job!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong poem about suicide. The mystery of what a person must think with the last of their life is fading away? I like the emotion and the ending.
"I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying,
Although, all I wish for,
Is…"
A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Undying Glory]

now that's a very cool way to get inspiration. this was very sobering and sad work here, very well-written and strong. this sure reminded me of Metallica's song "Fade to Black". the storm inside this one is one that's very hard to quell. awesome work!

[GrandDystopia]

A great poem, thought the subject was very dark but you handled it very well.
Very good

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

Wonderfully dark poem I especially enjoyed how you used pure emotion whilst describing even the small things like the burning tears another great write well done

[ImJustAMisguidedGhost]

I've had this feeling before, when everything has gone, and your at a loss. I think you've captured it nicely. I like the third stanza especially. Agreed with the other reviews, tragic, but wonderful. The short sentences at the end really tie it together. Well done(:

[Cats Eye]

Nice write, i don't really like the topic too much gets a little to gloomy for me.

[OtherWorldWoman]

This is very powerful and I enjoyed the line "I lugged my body to my bed". Makes me feel like you are enhancing the importance of how tired the person is of life and how much it just feels like dying would be so much easier, and yet its so difficult to actually go through with it for fear of what might happen after the end. I think most of us have felt this way before and its terrible, but you captured the feeling and the moment perfectly. Tragically wonderful...I highly enjoy reading your writing. Good job :]