The End

I looked up the word random on google and told myself the first word after it, I'd write a poem about... the word was suicide

I choked

All that was left to show I tried

Were the burning tears

Cascading down my cheek.

 

The revelation of the soft robe,

Now laying on the ground,

Instead of stifling my throat,

Was almost disheartening.

 

I was too close,

A miniscule of a second more,

And I would have been… no more,

I would have finished my life.

 

I lugged my body to my bed,

Tore open the pasty envelope on it,

And shredded the contents inside;

My suicide letter.

 

I find it hard living,

I find it hard dying,

Although, all I wish for,

Is…

 

THE END

Author's Note

Read the description, read the poem, and um... tell me what you think

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

"All that was left to showed I tried" Should be "show"

"I choked
All that was left to showed I tried
Were the burning tears
Cascading down my cheek." I was going to say that the first line of this should have a period after it, but I noticed every stanza was one sentence. In order to make that pattern work with this stanza, you would have to rework it. Por ejemple:
"I choked,
all left to show I tried
the burning tears
cascading down my cheeks." But if that wasn't the intention, you could just make the first line one sentence.

"Was almost disheartening." A good contrast to what the reader was expecting and foreshadowing the difficult, conflicting emotions at the end of the poem.


"A miniscule of a second more," I'm pretty sure it isn't correct to say a miniscule of a second. Perhaps if you just said "a millisecond longer"?

"Tore open the pasty envelope on it,And shredded the contents inside " This is good. Makes the reader think of a body in place of an envelope. "Tore open" mimics what the speaker was figuritively going to do to herself, while "pasty envelope" would symbolize the body left behind. The shredded contents inside would be her broken soul.

"I find it hard living,
I find it hard dying," These two lines are good. The number two in literature symbolizes dualism, which reinforces the struggle she faces in neither being able to live nor die.

I liked the ending because of it's many connotations. The speaker wishes for the end of her life, that is clear enough, but she also longs for the end of her pain and struggles. Similarly, she would want to end her back and forht about the decision to live or die. ANd then the obvious, End Of Story. Overall, a very good wite. I enjoyed this.

[Shelby]

AExtremely provocative, especially for something you wrote about randomly-which, by the way, that was a very cool way to come up with a subject. This broke my heart, particularly the fact that the person almost did it, stopped themselves, but still wanted to do it. Your elevated diction was a nice touch (cascading, revelation, etc.) because it showed you are reaching towards an advanced writer and it was a nice change from the usual go-to words (falling, realization) and that was part of what drew me in. That line "Was almost disheartning" confused me for a moment, until I reached the end. I liked that you didn't feel the need to explain right off why it was disappointing and not relieving. Your descriptors (lugged, shredded, miniscule) are also pretty advanced, so kudos. The emotion of this poem and the frightening possibilities it presents really got to me, and I didn't at first pay attention to any mistakes, which, as a poet, is a job of yours. You did it well and really proved yourself a capable writer. Good job.

[G. K. Bostic]

Very good poem....full of feelings well shown. I do sometimes worry when I read on the subject of suicide that the writer may in fact be considering the option. One thing I know for sure, having once been there, there is always hope....as long as we are alive. Having been in the depths of despair as a teen and young adult (and with just cause), I can honestly say that it is possible to know the greatest joy if we just go on, get help, and learn to love ourselves. If this is not at all autobiographical, I apologize for going on about it.....but perhaps someone else may see these words and find hope. You've done a great job with the poem!

wow, i loved how you did this. it was so vivid and flowed naturally. i loved the way you used your words.

[steph]

This poem was so, weird. It was weird because When I was younger and I contemplated suicide, The vision you portrayed her was like my fantasy plan... Although you didnt mean it, this one irked me and kinda disturbed me a bit.. Its a great poem though.

[Linear]

Well im not a great fan of suicide, there is no future in it. but I did enjoy your poem

[Esoteric Strand]

Some decent observational musings that lead the reader to a cliffhanger. I don’t know if I should say this or not, but there is some punctuation weirdness in places that aused me to go back and re-read certain stanzas. It’s a decent effort given the common subject.

Regards,

E

[Proletariat Uprising]

Thanks for ruining my happy mood. I think I'll straighten my hair, dye it black, and cry and cut my wrists in the corner while listening to MCR, or something like that.

[Calypso]

Well written. So good. Your idea is novel.

[SilentLullabies]

Wonderfully written. Very sad. Rather true though.

[Thomas Sawyer]

Well written!